this must be human email virus day...
----- Original Message -----
From: "PetitMorte" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2001 3:08 PM
Subject: [OT] Little Boy from Balaklavia
>
>
> >
> >PLEASE HELP!
> >
> >This letter was composed by a little boy in Balaklavia who is dying from
> >lung cancer due to second hand smoke and drunk driving. Please forward
this
> >letter to as many people as you can, so that this little starving boy
with
> >no arms can get one last wish...To annoy as many people as possible with
> >e-mail. Please, for every time this mail gets sent, 3 cents will be
donated
> >to the Save-The-Starving-Little-Balaklavian-Boy-With-No-Arms Fund.
Really.
> >There is no realistic way that all the mails can be counted, but hey, if
> >you don't send this anyway, you're selfish and you're going straight to
> >hell. Or maybe you'll come back in YOUR next life as a little Balaklavian
> >boy with no arms.
> >
> >Send this letter to as many people as you can.
> >If you send it to...
> >
> >1 person -- 1 person will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
> >letter
> >
> >5 people -- 5 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb chain
> >letter
> >
> >10 people -- 10 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
chain
> >letter
> >
> >15 people -- 15 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
> >chain letter
> >
> >20 people -- 20 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
chain
> >letter
> >
> >30 people -- 30 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
chain
> >letter
> >
> >35 people -- 35 people will be pissed at you for sending another dumb
chain
> >letter
> >
> >40 people -- Your crush will ask you out on a date.
> >
> >41 people -- Your crush will ask you to have sex with him/her on Sesame
> >Street.
> >
> >43 people -- Your crush will die, and be replaced with a new, better
> >looking crush.
> >
> >44 1/2 people-Your crush will crush you with a huge boulder, and
you'llget
> >sick twisted jollies out of it.
> >
> >47 people -- Your crush will mutate and grow an extra arm, which he/she
> >will use to perform bizarre sex acts on you.
> >
> >You MUST send at least 300 copies of this letter. If you don't an evil
> >curse will be put on you. For instance, John Fargo of Fargo, PA
> >deleted this mail as soon as he got it. Then he got up, called a friend,
and
> >went to a movie, because he has a life. Or how about Lenore Poe, of
> >Tromaville, who deleted this mail when she got it? She got into her car
and
> >drove to work. Or take poor Mr. Arnold Cartman, who accidentally only
sent
> >part of this letter to his crush. He died. So did his crush. Of course,
> >that was because of all of the STDs. (They worked on Sesame Street.)
> >
> >Please send this letter to all your loser hacker friends. The little
> >Balaklavian boy with no arms needs your help. Remember, as the Spice
Girls
> >once said, "I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ah." Think about
> >it.
> >
> >
> >PART II:
> >
> >What is a true friend?
> >Here's a poem I wrote about being a friend. It's called, "Being a
Friend."
> >
> >"Being a Friend"
> >^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >A friend is someone you can count on
> >A friend is someone who loves you all the time
> >A friend is someone who loves you for who you are
> >A friend is someone who loves you even though you're disgustingly ugly
> >A friend is someone who smokes crack with you
> >A friend is someone who sends you countless stupid chain e-mails
> >A friend is someone who tells you if you smell like shit
> >A friend is someone who tells all your other friends you smell like shit
> >A friend is someone who always holds on to you, even after the
restraining
> >order
> >A friend is a person to douse in marshmallow fluff and then lick clean
> >A friend is someone who comes to your house while you are out and cleans
> >Up for you, then picks up her check and leaves, and doesn't speak much
> >English.
> >
> >Oh, wait, that's the cleaning lady.
> >
> >A friend is someone who pays for you cleaning lady
> >A friend is someone who pays for your dominatrix
> >A friend is someone who is a cleaning lady and a dominatrix on weekends
> >A friend is someone who helps you kill starving Balaklavian boys
> >A friend is someone who helps you devour the remains of your victims
> >
> >So next time you go drunk driving with a friend
> >Remember that chain mail he sent you about how a friend
> >Should never let his/her friend drive drunk
> >And remember how many copies he/she sent you
> >And when you crash into a telephone pole,
> >Aim so that it hits the passenger side.
> >
> >I hope you liked the poem! Now send this to as many Balaklavian boys that
> >you are friends with, so that they don't drive drunk and so that if they
> >do, you won't have to face their ugly crack-whore moms, because you'll
have
> >escaped to Cuba with 5 kilos and a gat.
> >
> >
> >PART III:
> >
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >:)
> >
> >This is the shining smiley-face Hawaiian totem of love. If you send it to
5
> >people within the next 3 minutes, you will get mad honeys. If you
> >accidentally send it to 6 people instead, you will die instantly. Good
> >Luck! :)
> >
> >
> >
> >PART IV:
> >
> >LAST "GOODTIMES" VIRUS WARNING.
> >
> >Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
> >scramble any disks that aren't even close to your computer. It will
> >re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
> >goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
screw
> >up the tracking on your television & VCR and use sub-space field
harmonics
> >to scratch any CD's you try to play. It will give your ex-girlfriend
your
> >new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fishtank. It will
drink
> >all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's
> >company coming over. It will put a dead cockroach in the back pocket of
> >your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
> >Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
> >nightmares about circus midgets.
> >
> >It will pour sugar into your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
> >while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner &
> >hotel room to your Discover card. It will slander your grandmother. It
> >does not matter if she is dead or not, such is the power of Goodtimes,it
> >reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It
> >moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will
> >kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your bosses voice
mail
> >in your voice. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and
terrifying
> >to behold.
> >
> >It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. Goodtimes will give you
> >Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a
batch
> >of Methanphedime in your bath tub and leave bacon cooking on your stove
> >while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
>
>
