A bit of dexterity with a whoopee cushion. I will not make suggestions about 
where and when.

Klaus



________________________________
From: M Bender <[email protected]>
To: The Horn List <[email protected]>
Sent: Sat, April 2, 2011 4:08:53 PM
Subject: [Hornlist] Bad woodwind-itis cure sought!

Help!

There is a member of the woodwind section [clarinet] in our orchestra who 
suffers from a very severe case of 'woodwind-itis', to the point where his 
spasmodic movements are throwing off the entire wind section.

During a rehearsal for an upcoming performance of Mendelssohn's Midsummer 
Night's Dream, he actually took his left hand from his instrument and began 
conducting from his seat, as he was swaying back and forth. This occurred 
during 
the Nocturne, and unfortunately, I sit right behind the clarinet section. I'd 
rather not have two conductors to look at; one is quite enough!

In the Overture, at the moment of the donkey calls, he partially rises in his 
seat, in time with the 'braying donkey'... which was admittedly sort of funny 
at 
the first rehearsal, but, frankly has become annoying as hell.

Other members of the orchestra have commented about this, but no one seems to 
be 
able to offer a workable solution to curtail these contortions. He's a good 
player and all, but, alas, it's getting ridiculous. I can only imagine what 
this 
must look like from the audience's perspective-- this twitching, bobbing 
up-and-down, buffoon-like clarinetist. All he needs is the red nose and the 
Bozo 
the Clown hair...

Short of firing the guy, I'd appreciate any hints on how this affliction might 
be remedied.

Cheers,
martin bender
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