Scared me for a minute. I thought you then cancelled my contract to buy
Jbase and Raining Data. :-)
RIchard Kann
Gary Calvin wrote:
And of course a very happy April Fool's Day to you too, Jim!
-Gary-
On Thu, Apr 1, 2010 at 2:13 PM, Jim Idle <[email protected]> wrote:
I have been trying to do this for some time, but today I have finally
managed to complete all the necessary paperwork and jump through the myriad
required hoops such that I can announce that I have managed to purchase the
rights, licenses and companies of all the players in the MV market in a much
needed industry consolidation move.
It has long been my contention that having 11 or 12 products trying to
compete for the 74 companies that still use MV databases is somewhat
overkill. But, I was able to get together with my richer friends and finance
the purchase of all the companies in MV space for prices that of course
cannot be disclosed because of commercial sensitivity. I am therefore
pleased to announce that I am not the owner of all versions of the MV
system, lock, stock and smoking barrels, effective 4/1/2010.
Now that IBM have abandoned their U2 products in favor of the
oh-so-brilliantly-named Rocket software (does nobody think these things
through?), I was able to buy Rocket software for USD25K and a year’s supply
of M&Ms.
I was a bit luckier with Tiger Logic, who settled for just the M&Ms and a
free bus pass for my mate John Bramley.
jBASE International took a bit more convincing and I had to out-drink the
entire staff, the management, then win an arm wrestling contest, followed by
a game of antlers and a follow up best of 3 Nottingham knuckles contest. I
only just scraped through on that one!
OpenVM fell to a few arithmetical tricks concerning what you can say about
benchmarks and a game of blackjack.
While I thought that Intersystems might be a tricky one, it turned out that
all had to do was prove to Terry that super-string theory was real, which I
did by calling heads and tails simultaneously 2048 times in a row and
winning because of a bounce off an m-brane, which won me the company.
All other contenders fell in similar but less entertaining fashion, leaving
me the Absolute Premier Ruler In Law of the MV world. All hail the supreme
leader.
As all the names for MV database products are completely stupid except ones
that begin with ‘j’, I have abandoned all prior products, which will be
replaced with my new source code base f001, which is productized using the
name jGoBlazers, which you must purchase with the
jLUFCAreMagicForestAreTragic support package.
I look forward to taking you, sorry… having you as customers with effect
from Midnight last night. Mine’s a large one.
Jim Idle
f001 Team Leader
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