Re: "Talk to me" NJC

[colin]

That's
just coldness and there's not necessarily anything strong about it.
 

forgive me for saying so, but the above is a stereo type! silent does 
not eqaul coldness.

That strong silent stereotype for men has got to be a straitjacket for
some of them.
it si a stereotype. It is natural for many men to be this way. It is 
juts a different way of dealing with things. It is really imortpant to 
not assume that ebcause peoople react differently that there is 
soemthing wrong with them. OR that there is a communication problem. 
Actually there often is, but it is not on the side ywe would tend to 
think! It is us more demonstraive, 'emotional' types that are fialing to 
undrstadn the communication! What we tend to mean when we say there are 
communication problems is that the other person is not communcating the 
way we want them too!

I am the volatile type, my emtions are obvious, uusally. john is the 
silent type. John deals with shit in a toatlly different way.
Me, i ahev to talk it over, and over, and over, and over , and over till 
I am done. He says what he has to say and puts it way and that is it. 
John is economical with his words. He thinks silenty. i think aloud.
There have been comminaction problems and we learned from them. A 
classic example: watching tv, both on couch, I snuggle up for a hug and 
he says 'i'm watching this' and I get the hump. bastard!!! he rejected 
me. Why can't he watch tv and hug at the saem time? WHY? Because he 
thought I wanted sex! It took a long time before that one was 
understood. He would be baffled as to why I got the hump and I would be 
hurt because I misunderstood what he meant because he misunderstood what 
I wanted.(actually a common problem with men-thinking affection and 
closeness equals sex).
On the other hand tho, it is true that men tend to not be so 
demonstraive physically. Men have been taught not to be form the eyar 
dot. They ahev beent aught to hide their feelings, to not show 
affection, because it is all girly stuff and well men just don't do that 
do they? And guess who has the greater part in their upbringing...

which brings be back to us all being responbsible......

it is acceptabke now for men totake the rap to be balmed for the ills of 
the world and that women and are the poort hard done bys. it is all 
bullshit. we are all hard done by and we are all done by ourselves mostly.

bw
colin

I'm glad it's not as popular a stereotype or expectation
as it once was.
Debra Shea