OK, you guys have no idea how hard I have to work. My "mother" (she likes
to call herself that, but we all know who is really in charge) won't let me
do ANYTHING good. She won't let me climb on the table when she's having
dinner, and she doesn't even like me sleeping on her when she's lazing
around, watching TV - she doesn't like me holding on with my claws, for some
reason, or stomping her stomach just after she's eaten to make it more
comfy. But I've discovered a few tricks which might help you guys out.
1. Don't sharpen your calls on anything hard - find the softest material
you can. I use the lawn outside. This keeps them nice and long, and very
sharp, while giving the impression that I'm filing them down.
2. When she's on the computer and you want to be fed, sit on the desk,
between her and the keyboard. This makes it hard for her to type, and
eventually she'll cave in and produce the food. Sitting on the hand that
works the mouse-thing works really well too. This also works for any other
activity. Just get yourself between her and whatever she's doing. Sitting
directly in her line of sight when she's watching TV is pretty effective.
3. When she's eating chicken (I've developed my sense of smell, so I can
usually smell it cooking from miles away), sit next to her, and gaze
adoringly straight into her eyes. Works like a charm every time, and you'll
get lots of scraps.
4. To keep her on her toes, develop a sudden attack of frenzy, and launch
yourself at her for no apparent reason. I find a really good time, is when
she's turned off the light to go to sleep. Sometimes she forgets to put her
arms under the covers, and I can get a really good hold with teeth and
claws. Occasionally she'll be quick enough to get in a quick slap on my
rear end, but I usually manage to make my escape without punishment. Then I
come back about 5 minutes later and act cute. You know, head-butting her to
get under the covers, or purring loudly in her ear. She'll forget all about
the previous attack - until the next time!
5. To get her out of bed on a cold Sunday morning, sit on the dressing
table, and slowly flick everything off with one paw. I usually start with
one small item, then stare at her menacingly. If she doesn't move within a
couple of minutes, something else gets flicked onto the floor. Sometimes
(on VERY cold days) this method will require you to remove everything from
every available surface, after which you'll need to resort to No. 4 above.
But usually once you've destroyed something breakable and/or valuable,
she'll move her lazy butt and you'll get fed.
Hope this helps you guys out, and remember, cats are made to be worshipped,
unlike their owners, who are only here to serve us.
Sam
P.S. She was VERY slow at feeding me tonight, so I had to try to scratch
the enamel off the fridge door, then claw my way through the net curtains in
the lounge - that got her moving.
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