From: "Christian Seberino" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> Its the same thing in relationships. Commitment does not have to, and
> usually does not mean you're committed until the end of eternity. The
> idea
> that it does is quite frankly stupid- to make that kind of commitment
> both
> people would need to be static entities- to never change, to never
grow.
> Noone can make that type of commitment, because a promise to never
change
> is
> not one a person can honestly make- we can't control how circumstances
> shape us.
You seem to be associating commitment with not being able to change. Me
and my wife are VERY different from the people we were 14 years ago when
we got married.
Not at all. I'm associating total commitment, the until death no way out
type, with inability to change. Because it is exactly that- if you accept
the fact that one or the other of you may change, the way you change may
force you to break that commitment. While it is quite possible to change in
compatible ways, its nowhere near a surety.
> Nor do relationships stay at the same
> level- they all start out on the 0 commitment side, and slide up and
down
> the scale over the life of the relationship.
Commitment is a *decision* not a *feeling*. I agree that *feelings* may
go up and down but a decision is something you have 100% control over to
make or not make.
No, it isn't. Its both a decision and an emotion. You can't decide to love
someone and then love them. I wish it was that easy. Its an emotional
response. The decision without the emotional response is pointless, and
actually counterproductive.
> the vast majority of people don't need that level, and many don't want
it.
Are you saying the *vast* majority *don't* want their spouses completely
committed to them?
Nope. Not at the level of total commitment. Did you read my post?
> The level you expect to have would quite frankly scare me, it would
> require
> one or both people to subjugate their personality to the relationship.
I'm not sure what you mean by this. My wife and I are completely
committed to each other and it *frees* us to be everything we want to be.
I try to support her and she supports me in my goals and ambitions. It is
a give and take. It frees us because we aren't worried that the other
person will leave because we are committed to each other. Maybe I missed
something.
I think you did. I think thats the problem with this discussion- you
aren't really seeing our points. I think you believe too much in your point
of view to see ours. So at this point I'm bowing out, I don't think
progression is possible. I'm begining to get real work to do at work
anyway.
Gabe
_________________________________________________________________
ItÂ’s tax season, make sure to follow these few simple tips
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Taxes/PreparationTips/PreparationTips.aspx?icid=HMMartagline
--
[email protected]
http://www.kernel-panic.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/kplug-list
