with some more minor revision from me and sledges, there's a final version ready for review now:
http://openetherpad.org/urfxx467L6 -Sivan On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:07 PM, Simonas Leleiva <[email protected]>wrote: > On 16 December 2012 23:56, Sivan Greenberg <[email protected]> wrote: > >> On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:25 AM, Simonas Leleiva < >> [email protected]> wrote: >> >>> NemoMobile >>> >>> >>> The future of mobile computing is in our hands - today. >> >> >> (sounds too long to me compared to the original, was just the 'computing' >> word added?)... >> >>> >>> -1 > It's because otherwise there would be 3 repetitions of the same dry noun > "mobile": NemoMobile, future of mobile, Linux for your mobile. Doesn't read > easily. > > Presenting Linux for your mobile. >>> >> > >> Feature rich. Free and open source. First of its kind. >>> >>> The heart of NemoMobile is a lightweight Linux distro called Mer. It >>> can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to >>> car entertainment systems and smart TVs. >>> >> >> Now this seems to say much more about Mer, but if I'm just arriving I'll >> ask "So what's that NemoMobile??". >> > +1, however in etherpad you corrected it into "open source operating > system", where "open source" has already been mentioned in a previous > sentence. > I'd suggest: "Nemo Mobile is a Linux operating system for mobile > devices." just like Nemo's wiki says > > Also, heart can be interested differently by different developers / >> landers on the page. >> > +1 now it explains what -NemoMobile- is better! > > >> >>> Become a NemoMobile developer and enjoy the freedom. Nemo-power your >>> mobile phone, tablet, LCD shopping list on your fridge, ... , and >>> share the experience! If you get it to make tea, invite us! The more >>> >> >> -> Nemo power again to the uninitiated could be a bit problematic, so >> again I'd suggest 'Use it to power your mobile phone,....,'. >> > -1 > I'd go with Nemo-power, as it is a dynamically applicable compound word > (noun "Nemo-power" as in "flower-power" ;) and verb "to Nemo-power sth.") > Since we went for the mysterious tea metaphor (for those who don't know), > the newbie landers should inquire what "to Nemo-power sth." means, if they > don't understand it. > > -> "if you got it to make tea,.." >> > -1 > Grammatically incorrect: either use "Type 2" conditional or the "zero" > conditional. Since Type 2 refers to an unlikely condition - it's > antipropaganda! :)) -- source > http://www.edufind.com/english/grammar/if_conditional1.php > > Thus I support whoever changed it away from mold: "if you get it to make > tea..." > > >> users the merrier. The more feedback the better. >>> >>> It's fun, we're excited and a friendly community. Interested? Join us >>> at IRC http://webchat.freenode.net/?channels=#nemomobile or leave a >>> comment here. Let's influence the future of mobile, together! >>> >>> >> 'It's fun and we're a friendly community. " should be better. (drop >> the excitement altogether) >> >> > +1 > > > Cheers, > Simonas > > -Sivan >> > > -- -Sivan
