On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 4:05 AM, Sivan Greenberg <[email protected]> wrote: > with some more minor revision from me and sledges, there's a final version > ready for review now: > > http://openetherpad.org/urfxx467L6 > > -Sivan >
I like it. Carl > > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:07 PM, Simonas Leleiva <[email protected]> > wrote: >> >> On 16 December 2012 23:56, Sivan Greenberg <[email protected]> wrote: >>> >>> On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:25 AM, Simonas Leleiva >>> <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> >>>> NemoMobile >>>> >>>> >>>> The future of mobile computing is in our hands - today. >>> >>> >>> (sounds too long to me compared to the original, was just the 'computing' >>> word added?)... >>>> >>>> >> -1 >> It's because otherwise there would be 3 repetitions of the same dry noun >> "mobile": NemoMobile, future of mobile, Linux for your mobile. Doesn't read >> easily. >> >>>> Presenting Linux for your mobile. >> >> >>>> >>>> Feature rich. Free and open source. First of its kind. >>>> >>>> The heart of NemoMobile is a lightweight Linux distro called Mer. It >>>> can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to >>>> car entertainment systems and smart TVs. >>> >>> >>> Now this seems to say much more about Mer, but if I'm just arriving I'll >>> ask "So what's that NemoMobile??". >> >> +1, however in etherpad you corrected it into "open source operating >> system", where "open source" has already been mentioned in a previous >> sentence. >> I'd suggest: "Nemo Mobile is a Linux operating system for mobile devices." >> just like Nemo's wiki says >> >>> Also, heart can be interested differently by different developers / >>> landers on the page. >> >> +1 now it explains what -NemoMobile- is better! >> >>>> >>>> >>>> Become a NemoMobile developer and enjoy the freedom. Nemo-power your >>>> mobile phone, tablet, LCD shopping list on your fridge, ... , and >>>> share the experience! If you get it to make tea, invite us! The more >>> >>> >>> -> Nemo power again to the uninitiated could be a bit problematic, so >>> again I'd suggest 'Use it to power your mobile phone,....,'. >> >> -1 >> I'd go with Nemo-power, as it is a dynamically applicable compound word >> (noun "Nemo-power" as in "flower-power" ;) and verb "to Nemo-power sth.") >> Since we went for the mysterious tea metaphor (for those who don't know), >> the newbie landers should inquire what "to Nemo-power sth." means, if they >> don't understand it. >> >>> -> "if you got it to make tea,.." >> >> -1 >> Grammatically incorrect: either use "Type 2" conditional or the "zero" >> conditional. Since Type 2 refers to an unlikely condition - it's >> antipropaganda! :)) -- source >> http://www.edufind.com/english/grammar/if_conditional1.php >> >> Thus I support whoever changed it away from mold: "if you get it to make >> tea..." >> >>>> >>>> users the merrier. The more feedback the better. >>>> >>>> It's fun, we're excited and a friendly community. Interested? Join us >>>> at IRC http://webchat.freenode.net/?channels=#nemomobile or leave a >>>> comment here. Let's influence the future of mobile, together! >>>> >>> >>> 'It's fun and we're a friendly community. " should be better. (drop the >>> excitement altogether) >>> >> >> +1 >> >> >> Cheers, >> Simonas >> >>> -Sivan >> >> > > > > -- > -Sivan
