*cracking up*
Hilarious, mate.
On Tue, Jan 6, 2009 at 11:12 AM, Pat <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Hi All,
>
> Last night, while eating dinner, I had a couple of lines enter my head
> that I thought would make the basis for a comedy sketch. So, rather
> than just chuckling about them and leaving it at that (which I usually
> do), I decided to develop it. After about an hour and a half, this is
> what I came up with. Hope you enjoy it.
>
>
>
>
> "It'd Be Rude"
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Nelson: 'Simpkins, can I have a quick word with you?'
>
> Simpkins: 'Uh…sure, boss! Yeah!'
>
> {The two walk into Nelson's office.}
>
> Nelson: 'Have a seat.
> {Both sit}
> Roger, we've been looking through your calendar and have a few
> questions.'
>
> Simpkins: 'Uh…sure, boss! Yeah!'
>
> Nelson: 'First, we thought it was quite peculiar that, on Monday,
> August 7, your entry read "Don't hide whiskey bottles in Lundgren's
> bin." What do you have to say about that?'
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, I thought it was a nice gesture.'
>
> Nelson: 'Indeed. But that's hardly the point. Why, on Earth, would
> you have to remind yourself to do that?'
>
> Simpkins: 'Uh, well, I just thought that, you know, if I did that,
> it'd be rude, so…'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, well, never mind that. Perhaps you could tell me why it
> says, on Tuesday, August 15, "Remember not to crap in the first floor
> urinals."?'
>
> Simpkins: 'Yeah, well, that'd be rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'Indeed! And we found crap in the third floor urinals last
> week.'
>
> Simpkins: 'I don't have access to the third floor.'
>
> Nelson: 'Ah! Oh? Hmm. Well, I suppose you can't be held accountable
> for that. But it still leaves the question of why you would have to
> remind yourself not to crap in ANY urinals on these premises.'
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, it'd be rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, but that's not the point. Well, venturing into the
> future, we found this note particularly disturbing. On Wednesday,
> August 23, your entry reads "Must remember not to forcefully grope and
> fondle Miss Evans from Accounts.".'
>
>
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, she's lovely, innit?
> {Nelson reacts}
> It'd be rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'It'd be rude? Mate, I think she might find it a bit more
> than rude.'
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, then I'm right. You agree. I shouldn't do it.'
>
> Nelson: 'But that's hardly the point! It's not a thought that should
> arise as an act to be perpetrated on one's event horizon. It's
> illegal, fairly immoral and personally, I think, rather aggressively
> hostile towards a fellow colleague. Furthermore, the mere presence of
> such an account could easily be construed as blatant intent...'
>
> Simpkins: 'But it says, "…not to…"'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, but that's not the point.'
>
> Simpkins: 'It'd be rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'Well, yes. Look, finally, we come to Thursday, August 31,
> where it reads, in bright red, 32 point, Storybook font "DO NOT GO
> POSTAL!"
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, yeah! That'd be really rude. A lot of people might
> get hurt.'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, well, again, we have what could be construed to be
> intent.'
>
> Simpkins: 'How'd ya mean?'
>
> Nelson: 'How do I mean? It should be bloody obvious, mate. You're
> talking about shooting everyone in the office.'
>
> Simpkins: 'No. I'm talkin' about NOT doin' that.'
>
> Nelson: 'Well, it amounts to the same thing.'
>
> Simpkins: 'I don't see how. In fact, it's the exact opposite. I
> just
> like to remind myself, every day, not to do something rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'Well, it has to be said, that most day's memos are reasonably
> innocuous. For example, we have no problem with such things like
> March, 13 "Remember not to stomp in puddles when elderly people walk
> by", or February, 9 "Remember not to throw snowballs at the
> neighbour's dogs."'
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, yeah, that'd be rude.'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, but we DO find troubling, such entries as these, June,
> 22 "Remember not to pick Mum's fresh flowers from the cemetery.", or
> July, 3 "Sister's coming over. Remember no incest." Now,
> technically, these are not work-related activities…'
>
> Simpkins: 'Agreed!'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, and they're out of our immediate jurisdiction. But
> these entries DO raise questions.'
>
> Simpkins: 'Like?'
>
> Nelson: 'I'm not sure I want to ask.'
>
> Simpkins: '…Oh, OK. Alright. Then, is that all?'
>
> Nelson: 'Is that all?'
>
> Simpkins: 'Well, I have explicit reminders NOT to do any of those
> things that I have explicit reminders not to do.'
>
> Nelson: 'Yes, this is true. But I still find it deeply disturbing.
> Well, just don't let it happen again!'
>
> Simpkins: 'Uh, sure, boss! Yeah!
> {Closes the door}
> That's why I keep the reminders.'
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
>
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