I found it equally disturbing that you didn't hear the arrogant tone of my vegetarian posting. Different humour, I guess.
On 6 Jan., 17:12, Pat <[email protected]> wrote: > Hi All, > > Last night, while eating dinner, I had a couple of lines enter my head > that I thought would make the basis for a comedy sketch. So, rather > than just chuckling about them and leaving it at that (which I usually > do), I decided to develop it. After about an hour and a half, this is > what I came up with. Hope you enjoy it. > > "It'd Be Rude" > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Nelson: ‘Simpkins, can I have a quick word with you?’ > > Simpkins: ‘Uh…sure, boss! Yeah!’ > > {The two walk into Nelson’s office.} > > Nelson: ‘Have a seat. > {Both sit} > Roger, we’ve been looking through your calendar and have a few > questions.’ > > Simpkins: ‘Uh…sure, boss! Yeah!’ > > Nelson: ‘First, we thought it was quite peculiar that, on Monday, > August 7, your entry read “Don’t hide whiskey bottles in Lundgren’s > bin.” What do you have to say about that?’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, I thought it was a nice gesture.’ > > Nelson: ‘Indeed. But that’s hardly the point. Why, on Earth, would > you have to remind yourself to do that?’ > > Simpkins: ‘Uh, well, I just thought that, you know, if I did that, > it’d be rude, so…’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, well, never mind that. Perhaps you could tell me why it > says, on Tuesday, August 15, “Remember not to crap in the first floor > urinals.”?’ > > Simpkins: ‘Yeah, well, that’d be rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘Indeed! And we found crap in the third floor urinals last > week.’ > > Simpkins: ‘I don’t have access to the third floor.’ > > Nelson: ‘Ah! Oh? Hmm. Well, I suppose you can’t be held accountable > for that. But it still leaves the question of why you would have to > remind yourself not to crap in ANY urinals on these premises.’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, it’d be rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, but that’s not the point. Well, venturing into the > future, we found this note particularly disturbing. On Wednesday, > August 23, your entry reads “Must remember not to forcefully grope and > fondle Miss Evans from Accounts.”.’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, she’s lovely, innit? > {Nelson reacts} > It’d be rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘It’d be rude? Mate, I think she might find it a bit more > than rude.’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, then I’m right. You agree. I shouldn’t do it.’ > > Nelson: ‘But that’s hardly the point! It’s not a thought that should > arise as an act to be perpetrated on one’s event horizon. It’s > illegal, fairly immoral and personally, I think, rather aggressively > hostile towards a fellow colleague. Furthermore, the mere presence of > such an account could easily be construed as blatant intent...’ > > Simpkins: ‘But it says, “…not to…”’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, but that’s not the point.’ > > Simpkins: ‘It’d be rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘Well, yes. Look, finally, we come to Thursday, August 31, > where it reads, in bright red, 32 point, Storybook font “DO NOT GO > POSTAL!” > > Simpkins: ‘Well, yeah! That’d be really rude. A lot of people might > get hurt.’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, well, again, we have what could be construed to be > intent.’ > > Simpkins: ‘How’d ya mean?’ > > Nelson: ‘How do I mean? It should be bloody obvious, mate. You’re > talking about shooting everyone in the office.’ > > Simpkins: ‘No. I’m talkin’ about NOT doin’ that.’ > > Nelson: ‘Well, it amounts to the same thing.’ > > Simpkins: ‘I don’t see how. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I just > like to remind myself, every day, not to do something rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘Well, it has to be said, that most day’s memos are reasonably > innocuous. For example, we have no problem with such things like > March, 13 “Remember not to stomp in puddles when elderly people walk > by”, or February, 9 “Remember not to throw snowballs at the > neighbour’s dogs.”’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, yeah, that’d be rude.’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, but we DO find troubling, such entries as these, June, > 22 “Remember not to pick Mum’s fresh flowers from the cemetery.”, or > July, 3 “Sister’s coming over. Remember no incest.” Now, > technically, these are not work-related activities…’ > > Simpkins: ‘Agreed!’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, and they’re out of our immediate jurisdiction. But > these entries DO raise questions.’ > > Simpkins: ‘Like?’ > > Nelson: ‘I’m not sure I want to ask.’ > > Simpkins: ‘…Oh, OK. Alright. Then, is that all?’ > > Nelson: ‘Is that all?’ > > Simpkins: ‘Well, I have explicit reminders NOT to do any of those > things that I have explicit reminders not to do.’ > > Nelson: ‘Yes, this is true. But I still find it deeply disturbing. > Well, just don’t let it happen again!’ > > Simpkins: ‘Uh, sure, boss! Yeah! > {Closes the door} > That’s why I keep the reminders.’ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups ""Minds Eye"" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Minds-Eye?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
