maybe we give suffering a bad wrap....
i know from my experience that suffering is often swept under the carpet -
hidden. "i'm alright mate".
a couple of years ago i was going through a tough time - i had broken up with
bel (whom some of you know) and i was without a home, couch-surfing, 3 days
here, 3 days there. i was disorientated, extremely sad, and it began to affect
my physical health.
you see i had no-one to just be totally honest with. i tried my folks but they
couldn't go there - *they didn't want to see me suffer*.
my angelic sister tried but she thought i should go on anti-depressants - she
couldn't handle my sadness either.
my friends, well, my best friend was living in korea at the time and the rest
of them dealt with pain the ethanolic way...i following suit regularly. but
that was evasion.
it came back to bel, now married to someone else (with whom she is now expeting
twins i am overjoyed to say)...only she knew that i was okay, fundamentally,
and just needed to get it out. she gave me that permission one afternoon at my
parents place. i broke. i just fell apart. and if bel hadn't been there my
parents may have got out the straitjacket. instead she let me get snotty and
blubber and she took me into town and she found me somewhere to live, and that
apogee, or perhaps nadir depending on how you look at it, was the breakthrough.
by being allowed to suffer, to suffer freely, i released the energy that was
making me ill, and i reconnected with the world, with new people, one of whom i
still live with now.
it was suffering, beautiful, painful suffering that tore down my walls and let
people back in.
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