Hi Marsha --
All the buzz on the radio, because of Tipper and Al Gore, is whether the
institution of marriage is falling apart. Because of the expanded
longevity,
can two people be expected to commit 'until death do us part'?
Fifty years with one man, or woman? That is a long time? With the
divorce rate above 50%, should this social pattern survive, change,
dissolve?
What say you intellectuals about this social static pattern of value?
If commitment to marriage is a "social pattern", your 50% default figure
would seem to indicate that the pattern is already collapsing. The
institution of marriage is arguably the bedrock of civilized culture, and
its current state of deterioration says a lot about what is happening to
traditional values. More than any other life commitment, the marriage
contract calls for personal responsibility, loyalty to one's partner,
mediation of differences, compromise, forbearance, forgiveness, empathy, and
a cheerful demeanor "through sickness and health, 'til death do us part."
Regrettably, upholding these values has proved to be an impossible task for
most of us. The failure to sustain the marital relationship in modern times
has been blamed on many factors -- the rush to get ahead, the erosion of
Judeo-Christian precepts, electronic virtual reality, pre-marital
cohabitation, womanizing as a way of life, the Hollywood influence, the
acceptance of out-of-wedlock pregnancy, etc. Yet, if one does not love and
cherish his life-partner above all such distractions, the marriage is doomed
from the start.
I generally refrain from discussing details of my personal life on line, but
I suppose you're looking for a "plenary vote" on this question from the male
participants. Rosalie and I just celebrated our first half-century
together. Our marriage has not been a paragon of virtue -- indeed, whose
is? We came from different backgrounds, but have learned to adjust to our
contrasting temperaments, have compatible goals, enjoy the classics, see
eye-to-eye politically, and usually manage to resolve conflicts with a
generous dose of humor.
Time has a way of healing old wounds. What we've lost in "youthful passion"
over these 50 years has been returned many times over in mutual respect and
admiration. Personal commitment was never in question. Rosalie is without
doubt my closest friend and adviser, and my life would not be complete
without her. We have friends who are teetering on the brink of marital
collapse, and a few who have repeated this cycle more than once. The
reasons are understandable, but although some couples are just "down on
their luck', the causes of separation are most often self-inflicted.
Perhaps we made a wise selection in our choice of partners and were "lucky"
along the way. Or perhaps, like a college education, not everyone is suited
for a life of matrimony. For those who are, I heartily recommend that they
give it every opportunity to mature.
Thanks for introducing a new "value pattern" to the MD, Marsha.
Warmest regards,
Ham
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