Hello everyone On Sun, Jul 17, 2011 at 6:55 PM, 118 <[email protected]> wrote: > OK. > My only suggestion is to write "I" pouted instead of "he" pouted.
Well, I believe that would be considered proper if the writing were in first person. It is not. Rather, the story is being told in third person (limited)... this time from Lisa's point of view. I do appreciate your input, however. Thank you for reading, Dan > > Mark > > On Jul 17, 2011, at 3:43 PM, Dan Glover <[email protected]> wrote: > >> Lisa, he said. Do you really have to go? >> >> He was lying in bed still naked, watching her pull herself into her >> tight jeans. Her ample bared breasts jiggled as she bounced into her >> pants. >> >> Are you asking me to stay, Billy? she said, sucking in her stomach to >> button her jeans. >> >> Yes. >> >> Then I'll stay! she said, as if something important finally settled in >> her mind to her satisfaction. But I do have to get to work. I start >> early today. >> >> Well, at least you don't have far to go, he said. Do you love me? >> >> We have what we have, Billy. Can't that be enough? >> >> I guess it has to be. He pouted. When you put it that way... >> >> Hand me my tee shirt, she said as she snapped on her bra, adjusting >> herself. Billy, I like you. I like you a lot. And maybe (she saw his >> mood lighten visibly) yes maybe, I even love you. But give me some >> time. I just got out of a really bad relationship. >> >> God how she hated the thought of going to work. The customers were all >> such little boys. Like Billy. Mopy little boys when they didn't get >> their way. She needed a real man; someone who'd sweep her off her >> feet, rescue her, take her away from all this madness. And what was >> she doing... getting involved with a man who just got out of an insane >> asylum. She had to be part crazy herself. >> >> I see things and hear things that aren't really there, Billy had told >> her the first night they met. The first night they spent together. >> What do you mean, she had asked. And he told her about being committed >> for attempting suicide. >> >> Why did you try and kill yourself, Billy? she asked. >> >> I, well, I know it was me now but at the time, I thought God told me >> to cut my wrists. I heard His voice as clear as I am hearing yours >> now. He came to me and spoke to me. >> >> But how did you know it was God? >> >> He told me. I saw Him. And there were colors floating all around Him. >> I couldn't really tell what kind of colors, just all different colors >> all jumbled up. And I knew it was God. >> >> And did you? >> >> Did I what? he asked. >> >> Cut your wrists. Try to kill yourself. >> >> He held up his arms and showed her the long jagged vertical scars... >> scars that said he meant business... scars that meant he shouldn't be >> here talking to her right now but instead six feet under the ground >> where all dead people belong. >> >> I should have died, he said. I did die. They brought me back. My wife >> came into the room right afterwards and found me on the floor bleeding >> to death. She saved my life. I watched. It was like I was hovering >> over it all, watching myself, watching her, watching the paramedics >> trying to save my life. And there were others there too. >> >> What do you mean, she asked. Others? Dead people? >> >> Yes. People I used to know. People who loved me and who I loved. My >> mother. My grandparents. They were angry with me. They didn't say >> anything but I could tell they were angry. It wasn't my time. >> >> And now, here she was, fixing to move in with this crazy guy who >> talked to God and saw dead people. What are you thinking, Lisa, she >> asked herself. But there was something about Billy Austin. He was like >> no one she'd ever met. Oh sure, he was a little boy, but there was >> more to him than that. When he looked at her, he seemed to be seeing >> things that no one else could see. And the way he listened to her was >> like he was hearing her for the first time. >> >> Jesus Christ, she hoped she wasn't falling in love again... >> >> Moq_Discuss mailing list Listinfo, Unsubscribing etc. http://lists.moqtalk.org/listinfo.cgi/moq_discuss-moqtalk.org Archives: http://lists.moqtalk.org/pipermail/moq_discuss-moqtalk.org/ http://moq.org/md/archives.html
