For those of a certain age, The sitcom "Get Smart" had a device called the
"Cone of Silence". The Cone allowed the Chief and Max to maintain privacy
and air quality should the situation dictate. The Cone could be an
alternative to the proposed smoking cell. The Smoking Cone could be lowered
upon command, thus allowing the smoker to continue to enjoy the ambiance of
the facility while reaping the benefits of first, second, and possibly third
hand smoke. Upon cessation of the smoking experience, additional negative
air pressure would be introduced to cleanse the cone of all traces of the
vile particulates, this to include any excess air in the smokers lungs.
Smokers with toupees, glasses, loose clothing or other non-secured items
would sign a release prior to the cone experience, thus relieving the
facility of liability. The cone proposal as part of the ordinance would
require facilities to post warnings as to cone hours, this to alert smokers
to puffing opportunities and to non-smokers should they seek to avoid the
shock and horror of a smoker in lit repose. Although the non-smoking moral
majority might seek the experience of the viewing the cone in operation to
solidify their resolve to stay amongst the enlightened and avoid the
decadence of the unwashed. I am heartened that the smoking issue has come to
the fore of Minneapolis politics. As it is clear we have resolved all issues
relating to the city budget, crime, health care, housing, infrastructure,
pension debt, race relations and the schools, etc. in our beloved Mill City.

Lee R. Eklund
Victory

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