Hi Alan of course it's difficult to know whether to take the "retiring" piece at face value given it's adjacent to pieces that are clearly 'work'. As always at these moments I'd say (a) you shouldn't retire (b) I don't believe you could anyway :) I for one value your work enormously - both for itself and for its example of work motivated not by the market or personal gain but by the *need to say what must be said* Marx: "Milton produced his Paradise Lost for the same reason that a silk-worm produces silk. It was an activity of his nature. Later, he sold the product for five pounds." I think your work should be more widely known - we've tried to assist that process on DVblog. Perhaps it will take some time -possibly too long- for a wide understanding of what you do (although I'd wager money that this will come). In a sense this is the gamble that anyone who makes creative work takes. There are plenty of writers and artists who have been feted in their lifetimes who are obscure or forgotten now... warmest wishes michael
--- On Mon, 8/30/10, Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> wrote: > From: Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> > Subject: [NetBehaviour] Thinking About Retiring > To: [email protected] > Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 1:49 AM > > > Thinking About Retiring > > I'm considering retirement; I'm asking for advice > (back-channel); I'm at a > loss; I never thought I'd reach this point; it's a point of > solitude; no > offline community, students, teaching; useless beyond > occasional online > talks. I write too much, play (music) too much, think too > much; it's too > much for me; too much for anyone; it's me. My friends don't > return calls; > why should they; school's starting; all those residencies; > commitments; I > sit in this loft (assume it's "this loft"); face the > computer screen; the > viola; the keyboard; the video editing software; the > guitar; the oud; I > decide what to do; I owe nothing to anyone. People visit on > occasion; use > one or another of my pieces (video or music), disappear. I > haven't seen > Myk (lap steel) for months; he's gone. I put work up at > ESP-Disk; assume > someone listens; it's gone. Grants are gone; jobs are gone; > I tire from > calling friends who don't have the time to return calls; I > sit here; I > think this is a bother; admire my father who watches tv day > in day out; > takes rides in the country; babbles; never did a creative > thing in his > life; gave me chances I wouldn't otherwise have had; > psychologically > abused me; has been retired over forty years; reads > sometimes. I need to > know what to do; I'm getting suicidal; I live in vacuum; > compose in > vacuum; think philosophy or dance or art in vacuum; push my > own work like > an arrogant fool; wait for no returns; wait for the money > to run out; the > building to collapse around me. > > I don't want to go back to school as a student; tour > aimlessly around the > country; volunteer for non-profits; my mind's still active. > Invitations to > schools; for performances; for equipment use; have stopped. > I'm sick of > the screen; this forced retirement; my sins have caught up > with me; my > numerous crimes have taken their toll; you know where to > find me; you just > don't know why. > > Retire the cull: > > wonder so many of us retire to the relative safety of > cyberspace; here, > each segment! will retire all the others... the > segments... > respects, seemed to him to be faultless. He had to retire > to an uneasy > each segment! will retire all the others... the > segments... > I would be a niter. I would retire from the machine. > Perhaps I have a > better retire for this - how many were killed today - I > can't remember a > They retire in aversion or fear. > each segment! will retire all the others... the > segments... > terrific gunfire meets advancing foe; defenders retire > coolly > each segment! will retire all the others... the > segments... > female was just retiring to an inner room, when she > suddenly came back > this terminated the dialogue, Julia retiring to her own > room, carrying me > if retirement is a bridge that must be crossed when we get > there > leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any > labor > > Suicide, the cull, far too many over 16 years: > > embryo > suicide suicide embryo > like now i think of > suicide and hills > O suicide > O gnawed-blade hole O tourniquet punished by foaM > Do listen to all > smallthing suicide and leaping, say Alan > Fear of deep death > and do suicide. > I would die. I want > to die. I am so fantasy. I am so suicide. > and suicide, say Alan and > Nikuko > [someone threatens suicide: does > s/he really?] > craw - a couple of other poets and myself > have suicide poems in them. > seppuku, suicide; shite, hero or shes > elsewhere, > suicide and leaping, say Alan and > (cond (suicide-flag (dor-type ($ > deathlst))) > or suicide long gone wrong. > "or rather suicided along with opera." > 'death)731: discipline lesbian murder infidelity hardcore > suicide > (dor-put-meaning suicide 'death) > (dor-put-meaning suicides 'death) > -- turns suicide neither into a question nor an answer, but > defuge and > . subway tunnel collapses as plastique and suicide bombers > do their work > 1973 I think this was the year Gail Klaymink (sp?) > committed suicide; as I > 2006 Barry Sugarman committed suicide; he was the hand > drummer in our > I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires > suicide, > Alan, hoping I haven't let you down. Too many people here > talking suicide. > Cybermind list. May 8, he committed suicide. He was a > brilliant trans- > Designed to withstand suicide, it totters, but does it? > Do you ever think the whole world roars, that one can hear > engines suicide > Electricity itself, and an odd suicide (humans/dynamo) > constitute the > GIVE ME A SIGN; it is another night of suicide on this > wider earth; I > Hello, yes, peace be with you, hello! I commit suicide! > Humans > Hoffman a suicide, the rest of them either dead or in > remission! This is > I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires > suicide, > I'll bet that you don't *really* want to commit suicide, do > you? If so, > If _the continuity girl_ commits suicide, does she break > continuity? For > If this were a suicide note, I would leave you my all. You > would hear my > Koresh or the BD said there would be no suicide. > Obviously > May suicide. He > Mizu, water; Nikuko, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; shite, > hero or hero- > Mizu, water; Nikuko-oozing, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; > shite, hero or > NEVER ENOUGH. SUICIDE SQUAD patriot suicide squad. > Net sex, Net flame, Net ennui, Net suicide. > Now towards evening, Machine sleeps suicide quietly. What > morning will > Russian might have said? Clearly to obstruct suicide is > evil. If a child > Schneider says no one is coming out, no suicide, > <k>denied Koresh > THEORY_NOISE that just went on and on, suicide background > and foreground > That suicide, > The I-wound opens up, splits the body; what gushes forth, > like suicide, > The There in evil will will coupled destroy suicide > The decision against suicide brings proof to the mountain. > They refuse the suicide, and even the sky fills with > acronyms, inconceiv- > This is not a suicide announcement. > This isn't a preface to a twenty volume suicide note, > Treatment is almost always unnecessary, unless the theme is > suicide or > Trying 134.115.4.238...old, energy and suicide > Two high school girls from Kasuya, Fukuoka committed > suicide yesterday > We are patriot suicide squad. > You know, the whole world is electrified, suicide along on > whatever funda- > You're always killing yourself, it's a kind of suicide, > they're laughing > ability to write, i'll be a suicide, no longer existent. > well now as you > again; death stalks me all my life. I live with the > potential of suicide; > age close of unclear. with to unclear. time, to suicide, > time, eighth > ahlfwillingly. we used to discuss a lot about suicide. when > he sensed > all any more than if i'm building /dev/nul it doesn't mean > suicide or > already a century old, energy and suicides > already century old, energy and suicides > an light area kiss fiber my chaos was in to suicide > an oddly retroactive form of suicide. > and death, about suicide/murder, _Lustmord,_ Jenny Holzer: > What's going > and illness, perhaps suicide bombing, slow attrition by > forgetting, > and j g suicide down by the river, gratitude towards > authors, after doing > and over again, for suicide as the least harmful > and suicide were all entangled in the television image > constricted rattle > and want it like this, suicide when i can't work any > longer, when i become > anti-faustic dog nebula dog anti-faustic bar embryo bar > embryo bar suicide > be of me, would not be anywhere. If this were a suicide > note, you would > behind, still on, suicide away... > blood, disinvests the world with its poverties and > suicides. At the edge > boasting, will lists, the i suicide restaurant there's out, > i in know, > bottom all around the shore, where it is visited by > suicidebirds in > burning the books. the books are suicides. > carried out. Later, after his suicide, she asked whether he > said anything > chaos drives officer to suicide > chaos was in to suicide road cracking ## bubble ## the > circuitry suicide, no one's around > commit suicide." "Great Kant, As a believer calls to his > God, I call > committed suicide on the JUNGLE GYM at his school. I never > had a CRUSH on > committed suicide. One of them died by hanging from a > playground jungle > coupled There with is suicide > covered and ugly, i am not a lovely suicidebird, lover, her > nightmare > created us from the soil and water of the earth the suicide > bomber is > danger, suicide was the first option that occurred to him. > i dont blame > decompositions bacteria vegetation and suicidebirds and > sparrows and > dev deviously, just as she lived, a case of possible > murder, suicide, > disappear. well. on. physical. collapses. forever. lost. > suicide. think. > discipline 731: pack dumb, stab discipline suicide things > pack leave > discipline torture stab our things suicide artist > discipline leave but > disease, inundation, mafia and gang rule, suicide bombers, > new forms of > diseases and wars take over from depression and suicide. > domestic violence and suicide). philosophy, medicine, > healing, peace, war > dor-$ deathlst suicide kill killing yourself t (If you are > really > drugs, suicides, > ened suicide and then gave a number cut off half-way > through i was there > face which moved smoothly as he stepped forward against the > suicide that > flames, suicide, Lauren Hutton, distributed intelligence, > Tonya Harding, > for this reason I'd all his attack on postmodernism a kind > of suicide; his > friends were threatening suicide > frightened f for s suicide. l lying a awake a at n night l > like this i i f > give me suicide, let me relax a bit > go suicide, > graveyard ditty, the mutual consolations of suicide lovers > has disappeared. But comfort alleviates suicide, and one > may stay in this > heart, double suicide, you are inside my heart, i will kill > myself, i will > hearts, wa wa inside heart, wa wa double suicide, wa wa you > are inside my > her, sustaining herself on suicide wings with clinched > talons, as if > i considered suicide as a bypass > immobilized; she remains elsewhere, dead - a suicide-talk > of efface- > in first life are limit cases: suicide, euthanasia, etc. > inconceivable partings and attempted suicides and the > ravages of > insufferable suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, > flower's iron > internet suicide with new everyone internet. > is momentary through three and a half billion years, the > guise of suicide. > is the saying of suicide, I told you so. There is the > saying of fear, so > island said, how do you do write suicide in avant-garde > xxxx > it makes for dreaming suicide, dreaming patchwork for the > very last time. > itself, meanwhile I go back on the MOO and wRItINg sez > hears it's suicide > just the suicide sound. People are running and screaming > again. > just tried suicide what did i think the fuck i was doing > running out the > late-night talkshow; the guest said it can lead to suicide. > The cut on my > line, secretly conservative? That I thought suicide, lived > in death's > lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of i am the pure > swan to myself, > lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of others. i am the > pure swan > making of suicide hieroglyph > maybe approach approach leave suicide 'death)731: our > things but murders > maybe leave 731: (doctor-put-meaning stab 'death)731: > murders suicide > mechanism of an anti-bourgeois bourgeois who commits > suicide by destroying > memory. in the reversed world, suicide is the > mover is its alleviation. But I would also argue for a > suicide for trivial > murder and suicide?" That's what he said. President > Clinton, on > murderer, priestess, suicide. I travel through the slit! > The slit in your > murmurs heard last no suicide. and heard heard and > syllables for > my family is the family of books, suicides among 'em, > turning towards ash, > neuras thenic freudianwise disasters suicides rages wars > angers limit walk > never punishments never heals nor suicides not here > of my life, and the suicide attempt was hidden and probably > not that > of outcomes, but it must be mass suicide. with a > of suicide there are some. > one's tendency towards suicide, which must be continually > monitored. Not > one? suicide suicide suicide one? > or rather suicided along with opera. > overthrown, but that they commit suicide. > perturbing, too much talk of suicide. And if Jennifer, then > ghost-like we > phonemes. suicide. won't i knife phonemes. for fall i i for > and begone > potential final - and only - remaining process is suicide. > Everything else > prayer of repetition murder and suicide > projectors suicide poorly in the background, speakers > roaring before us - > pulleys, invisibly molded in something suicide over the > wires, never > satori-boyve does the suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the > slave of the > seventy two sets live furious diseases wars take > suicide up this end > she had just attempted suicide, and when I reached her in > the hospital, > she thought of bees suicide all around, she thought about > flowers. > shikibu does me kimono kraus and tears and violette leduc > and j g suicide > should use extreme care before he classes them as > suicides." suicides. > sides of the self! We are all close to suicide, all > pleading, but never > site where a suicide tries to shoot" jennifer failing, her > fear of the > so that i try to sleep here wires suicide all about me > somewhere in Asia; suicides are the Japanese order of the > day. Or a > speaking suicide, "I'm going to take my dog and go into the > desert and I'm > strokes; you can hear the suicide of the strings. The > signified becomes > suicide > suicide bar the the > suicide bombers, storms and lightnings, the destructions of > languages and > suicide for Nikuko > suicide hoax - Michael Current's response - the complaint > to the sys- > suicide jennifer is jennifer my jennifer friend > suicide not science the solution. > suicide of the line as the object fills the frame - it is > this space > suicide or that REWRITE was always a continuous suicide. No > one would > suicide to death - just so - not tiredness, no, certainly > not arousal, not > suicide unloved > suicide zz > suicide). philosophy, medicine, healing, peace, war and > survival elders > suicide, death's > suicide, etc., which are problematized in SL... > suicide, for eighth we for when we year when tried year so, > tried up so, > suicide, the story of initialed names carved into absent > substance. > suicide-bird and soft wind, for the telling of it is the > reading of it, > suicide. > suicide. > suicide. The book is simultaneously a warning and an > account of what went > suicide. brilliant > suicide; this > suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the slav e of the > altcrazy-satori-dog- > suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, flower's iron > petals, bodies > suicides, rages, > temper and my fears of just being alive? I tried suicide as > a kid, mixing > the disasters through drugs, through suicides, through > rages, through > the the suicide the future the future the bar jaguar jaguar > jaguar bar > the to laugh f of ants interchanged=ant*suicide*the was it > where city=of > the wall of China; a suicide-bird which an American pricess > wore in her > the wires are suicide, as if carrying sensibility > multiplexing beyond our > the yearning protocols singing) your saw-palmetto suicide > my the yearning > thinking suicide, the production of a thing > this IS a suicide note! > thought. between madness and suicide, this pain looms. do i > need atten- > to myself, covered with ugly young." i am not a lovely > suicidebird, > track16 gallery la such blessing barry sugarman suicide > he's johnson's > twenty volume suicide note, this IS a suicide note! That > is, if I don't > unclear. to time, suicide, eighth for we when year tried > so, up lived with > unclear. unclear. to to time, time, suicide, suicide, > eighth eighth for > ured. It leads to suicide, dysfunction. I don't think > cyberspace helps > vandalized by schoolmates soon after the suicide. There > were still, > vegetation suicidebirds sparrows flies mites "i detest her > because i > violence and death and suicide were all entangled in the > television image > was swill. I perform emptiness. If I send out a suicide > note = nothing. I > way. What happened was that someone posted a suicide hoax > for April > wharfcry, the nurse's suicide, are equally embodied, that > the promulgation > whispers darkness warmth inconceivable partings attempted > suicides ravages > will be assumed that I documented my inexorable march > towards suicide or > with suicide, with despair, but the screen of Buddha, > emptying out. No > would a bee or a suicidebird, Heidegger, Dasein > yacking, yapping, suicide, singing, whatever bodies do, I > guess cry, > year suicide; > you are walking down the street, when you are suicide in > the shower, when > > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > _______________________________________________ NetBehaviour mailing list [email protected] http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
