Hi alan,
Your work has inspired me. I still feel like your piece the Accidental
Artist is one of the most amazing places I've ever spent time in in SL
(http://www.flickr.com/photos/azdelslade/3105972499/). We all feel lonely
sometimes, and like nobody's paying any attention at other times. Your work
has inspired me. I still think of your body work in SL also as a piece that
really pushes the limits. Retire if you want, but don't think your work
isn't amazing and don't think that no one's paying attention. And for fuck's
sake suicide is out of the question. If you're really thinking about
suicide, talk to someone in real life about it, not this mailing list.
Or check out this:
http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202
or at least this:
http://web.mac.com/katebornstein/iWeb/Hello_Cruel_World/Goodies_files/HCW_L
ite_101.pdf
*big hugs* from california,
micha
2010/8/30 Alan Sondheim <[email protected]>
The education issue is interesting; every time I publish an
essay, I feel I have to start over, since my 'career' such as it
is, is too dispersed for people to get a hand on it. So there's
a kind of simplification built in - on the other hand I want to
continue with what I preposterously see as my 'research' at the
same time, so the balance is difficult.
Again, if I were part of a community, things would be vastly
different.
Apologies for this being on list, by the way - I think it should
be back- channel, not present here, it's embarrassing, too
raw...
love Alan
On Mon, 30 Aug 2010, Stefano W. Pasquini wrote:
Dear Alan,I can really relate to your piece, and
with the way you work too.
Unfortunately nowadays no-one has the time to
inspect thoroughly anything,
and especially anyone, in order to clear things up
for the general public.
I am in no position to give advice to someone like
you, but once an art
curator told me that in today's art world is up to
the artist to defend
his/her immortality, and to make things clear for
the public. In other
words, people like you (and me) are expected to
simplify their art practice
in order to be appreciated and understood by people
who don't have time for
you.
The question is Mario Merz's: "Che fare?" What to
do?
I don't know. I try to build something in between -
simplify my making to
the public, and at the same time try to "educate"
(horrible word) them to
something more complex.
Failing quite miserably most of the time, but only
time will tell.
Thank you,
Stefano
----------------------------------------
Stefano W. Pasquini
www.stefanopasquini.net
www.obsoleteshit.com
www.stefpasquini.com
www.psq1.com
-----------------------------------------
On Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 2:49 AM, Alan Sondheim
<[email protected]> wrote:
Thinking About Retiring
I'm considering retirement; I'm asking for advice
(back-channel); I'm at a
loss; I never thought I'd reach this point; it's a point of
solitude; no
offline community, students, teaching; useless beyond
occasional
online
talks. I write too much, play (music) too much, think too
much;
it's too
much for me; too much for anyone; it's me. My friends don't
return calls;
why should they; school's starting; all those residencies;
commitments; I
sit in this loft (assume it's "this loft"); face the
computer
screen; the
viola; the keyboard; the video editing software; the
guitar; the
oud; I
decide what to do; I owe nothing to anyone. People visit on
occasion; use
one or another of my pieces (video or music), disappear. I
haven't seen
Myk (lap steel) for months; he's gone. I put work up at
ESP-Disk; assume
someone listens; it's gone. Grants are gone; jobs are gone;
I
tire from
calling friends who don't have the time to return calls; I
sit
here; I
think this is a bother; admire my father who watches tv day
in
day out;
takes rides in the country; babbles; never did a creative
thing
in his
life; gave me chances I wouldn't otherwise have had;
psychologically
abused me; has been retired over forty years; reads
sometimes. I
need to
know what to do; I'm getting suicidal; I live in vacuum;
compose
in
vacuum; think philosophy or dance or art in vacuum; push my
own
work like
an arrogant fool; wait for no returns; wait for the money
to run
out; the
building to collapse around me.
I don't want to go back to school as a student; tour
aimlessly
around the
country; volunteer for non-profits; my mind's still active.
Invitations to
schools; for performances; for equipment use; have stopped.
I'm
sick of
the screen; this forced retirement; my sins have caught up
with
me; my
numerous crimes have taken their toll; you know where to
find
me; you just
don't know why.
Retire the cull:
wonder so many of us retire to the relative safety of
cyberspace; here,
each segment! will retire all the others... the segments...
respects, seemed to him to be faultless. He had to retire
to an
uneasy
each segment! will retire all the others... the segments...
I would be a niter. I would retire from the machine.
Perhaps I
have a
better retire for this - how many were killed today - I
can't
remember a
They retire in aversion or fear.
each segment! will retire all the others... the segments...
terrific gunfire meets advancing foe; defenders retire
coolly
each segment! will retire all the others... the segments...
female was just retiring to an inner room, when she
suddenly
came back
this terminated the dialogue, Julia retiring to her own
room,
carrying me
if retirement is a bridge that must be crossed when we get
there
leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any labor
Suicide, the cull, far too many over 16 years:
embryo suicide suicide embryo
like now i think of suicide and hills
O suicide O gnawed-blade hole O tourniquet
punished
by foaM
Do listen to all smallthing suicide and leaping,
say
Alan
Fear of deep death and do suicide.
I would die. I want to die. I am so fantasy. I am
so
suicide.
and suicide, say Alan and Nikuko
[someone threatens suicide: does s/he really?]
craw - a couple of other poets and myself have suicide
poems
in them.
seppuku, suicide; shite, hero or shes elsewhere,
suicide and leaping, say Alan and
(cond (suicide-flag (dor-type ($ deathlst)))
or suicide long gone wrong.
"or rather suicided along with opera."
'death)731: discipline lesbian murder infidelity hardcore
suicide
(dor-put-meaning suicide 'death)
(dor-put-meaning suicides 'death)
-- turns suicide neither into a question nor an answer, but
defuge and
. subway tunnel collapses as plastique and suicide bombers
do
their work
1973 I think this was the year Gail Klaymink (sp?)
committed
suicide; as I
2006 Barry Sugarman committed suicide; he was the hand
drummer
in our
I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires
suicide,
Alan, hoping I haven't let you down. Too many people here
talking suicide.
Cybermind list. May 8, he committed suicide. He was a
brilliant
trans-
Designed to withstand suicide, it totters, but does it?
Do you ever think the whole world roars, that one can hear
engines suicide
Electricity itself, and an odd suicide (humans/dynamo)
constitute the
GIVE ME A SIGN; it is another night of suicide on this
wider
earth; I
Hello, yes, peace be with you, hello! I commit suicide!
Humans
Hoffman a suicide, the rest of them either dead or in
remission!
This is
I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires
suicide,
I'll bet that you don't *really* want to commit suicide, do
you?
If so,
If _the continuity girl_ commits suicide, does she break
continuity? For
If this were a suicide note, I would leave you my all. You
would
hear my
Koresh or the BD said there would be no suicide. Obviously
May suicide. He
Mizu, water; Nikuko, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; shite,
hero or
hero-
Mizu, water; Nikuko-oozing, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide;
shite,
hero or
NEVER ENOUGH. SUICIDE SQUAD patriot suicide squad.
Net sex, Net flame, Net ennui, Net suicide.
Now towards evening, Machine sleeps suicide quietly. What
morning will
Russian might have said? Clearly to obstruct suicide is
evil. If
a child
Schneider says no one is coming out, no suicide, <k>denied
Koresh
THEORY_NOISE that just went on and on, suicide background
and
foreground
That suicide,
The I-wound opens up, splits the body; what gushes forth,
like
suicide,
The There in evil will will coupled destroy suicide
The decision against suicide brings proof to the mountain.
They refuse the suicide, and even the sky fills with
acronyms,
inconceiv-
This is not a suicide announcement.
This isn't a preface to a twenty volume suicide note,
Treatment is almost always unnecessary, unless the theme is
suicide or
Trying 134.115.4.238...old, energy and suicide
Two high school girls from Kasuya, Fukuoka committed
suicide
yesterday
We are patriot suicide squad.
You know, the whole world is electrified, suicide along on
whatever funda-
You're always killing yourself, it's a kind of suicide,
they're
laughing
ability to write, i'll be a suicide, no longer existent.
well
now as you
again; death stalks me all my life. I live with the
potential of
suicide;
age close of unclear. with to unclear. time, to suicide,
time,
eighth
ahlfwillingly. we used to discuss a lot about suicide. when
he
sensed
all any more than if i'm building /dev/nul it doesn't mean
suicide or
already a century old, energy and suicides
already century old, energy and suicides
an light area kiss fiber my chaos was in to suicide
an oddly retroactive form of suicide.
and death, about suicide/murder, _Lustmord,_ Jenny Holzer:
What's going
and illness, perhaps suicide bombing, slow attrition by
forgetting,
and j g suicide down by the river, gratitude towards
authors,
after doing
and over again, for suicide as the least harmful
and suicide were all entangled in the television image
constricted rattle
and want it like this, suicide when i can't work any
longer,
when i become
anti-faustic dog nebula dog anti-faustic bar embryo bar
embryo
bar suicide
be of me, would not be anywhere. If this were a suicide
note,
you would
behind, still on, suicide away...
blood, disinvests the world with its poverties and
suicides. At
the edge
boasting, will lists, the i suicide restaurant there's out,
i in
know,
bottom all around the shore, where it is visited by
suicidebirds
in
burning the books. the books are suicides.
carried out. Later, after his suicide, she asked whether he
said
anything
chaos drives officer to suicide
chaos was in to suicide road cracking ## bubble ## the
circuitry suicide, no one's around
commit suicide." "Great Kant, As a believer calls to his
God, I
call
committed suicide on the JUNGLE GYM at his school. I never
had a
CRUSH on
committed suicide. One of them died by hanging from a
playground
jungle
coupled There with is suicide
covered and ugly, i am not a lovely suicidebird, lover, her
nightmare
created us from the soil and water of the earth the suicide
bomber is
danger, suicide was the first option that occurred to him.
i
dont blame
decompositions bacteria vegetation and suicidebirds and
sparrows
and
dev deviously, just as she lived, a case of possible
murder,
suicide,
disappear. well. on. physical. collapses. forever. lost.
suicide. think.
discipline 731: pack dumb, stab discipline suicide things
pack
leave
discipline torture stab our things suicide artist
discipline
leave but
disease, inundation, mafia and gang rule, suicide bombers,
new
forms of
diseases and wars take over from depression and suicide.
domestic violence and suicide). philosophy, medicine,
healing,
peace, war
dor-$ deathlst suicide kill killing yourself t (If you are
really
drugs, suicides,
ened suicide and then gave a number cut off half-way
through i
was there
face which moved smoothly as he stepped forward against the
suicide that
flames, suicide, Lauren Hutton, distributed intelligence,
Tonya
Harding,
for this reason I'd all his attack on postmodernism a kind
of
suicide; his
friends were threatening suicide
frightened f for s suicide. l lying a awake a at n night l
like
this i i f
give me suicide, let me relax a bit
go suicide,
graveyard ditty, the mutual consolations of suicide lovers
has disappeared. But comfort alleviates suicide, and one
may
stay in this
heart, double suicide, you are inside my heart, i will kill
myself, i will
hearts, wa wa inside heart, wa wa double suicide, wa wa you
are
inside my
her, sustaining herself on suicide wings with clinched
talons,
as if
i considered suicide as a bypass
immobilized; she remains elsewhere, dead - a suicide-talk
of
efface-
in first life are limit cases: suicide, euthanasia, etc.
inconceivable partings and attempted suicides and the
ravages of
insufferable suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy,
flower's iron
internet suicide with new everyone internet.
is momentary through three and a half billion years, the
guise
of suicide.
is the saying of suicide, I told you so. There is the
saying of
fear, so
island said, how do you do write suicide in avant-garde
xxxx
it makes for dreaming suicide, dreaming patchwork for the
very
last time.
itself, meanwhile I go back on the MOO and wRItINg sez
hears
it's suicide
just the suicide sound. People are running and screaming
again.
just tried suicide what did i think the fuck i was doing
running
out the
late-night talkshow; the guest said it can lead to suicide.
The
cut on my
line, secretly conservative? That I thought suicide, lived
in
death's
lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of i am the pure
swan to
myself,
lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of others. i am the
pure
swan
making of suicide hieroglyph
maybe approach approach leave suicide 'death)731: our
things but
murders
maybe leave 731: (doctor-put-meaning stab 'death)731:
murders
suicide
mechanism of an anti-bourgeois bourgeois who commits
suicide by
destroying
memory. in the reversed world, suicide is the
mover is its alleviation. But I would also argue for a
suicide
for trivial
murder and suicide?" That's what he said. President
Clinton, on
murderer, priestess, suicide. I travel through the slit!
The
slit in your
murmurs heard last no suicide. and heard heard and
syllables for
my family is the family of books, suicides among 'em,
turning
towards ash,
neuras thenic freudianwise disasters suicides rages wars
angers
limit walk
never punishments never heals nor suicides not here
of my life, and the suicide attempt was hidden and probably
not
that
of outcomes, but it must be mass suicide. with a
of suicide there are some.
one's tendency towards suicide, which must be continually
monitored. Not
one? suicide suicide suicide one?
or rather suicided along with opera.
overthrown, but that they commit suicide.
perturbing, too much talk of suicide. And if Jennifer, then
ghost-like we
phonemes. suicide. won't i knife phonemes. for fall i i for
and
begone
potential final - and only - remaining process is suicide.
Everything else
prayer of repetition murder and suicide
projectors suicide poorly in the background, speakers
roaring
before us -
pulleys, invisibly molded in something suicide over the
wires,
never
satori-boyve does the suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the
slave
of the
seventy two sets live furious diseases wars take suicide
up
this end
she had just attempted suicide, and when I reached her in
the
hospital,
she thought of bees suicide all around, she thought about
flowers.
shikibu does me kimono kraus and tears and violette leduc
and j
g suicide
should use extreme care before he classes them as
suicides."
suicides.
sides of the self! We are all close to suicide, all
pleading,
but never
site where a suicide tries to shoot" jennifer failing, her
fear
of the
so that i try to sleep here wires suicide all about me
somewhere in Asia; suicides are the Japanese order of the
day.
Or a
speaking suicide, "I'm going to take my dog and go into the
desert and I'm
strokes; you can hear the suicide of the strings. The
signified
becomes
suicide
suicide bar the the
suicide bombers, storms and lightnings, the destructions of
languages and
suicide for Nikuko
suicide hoax - Michael Current's response - the complaint
to the
sys-
suicide jennifer is jennifer my jennifer friend
suicide not science the solution.
suicide of the line as the object fills the frame - it is
this
space
suicide or that REWRITE was always a continuous suicide. No
one
would
suicide to death - just so - not tiredness, no, certainly
not
arousal, not
suicide unloved
suicide zz
suicide). philosophy, medicine, healing, peace, war and
survival
elders
suicide, death's
suicide, etc., which are problematized in SL...
suicide, for eighth we for when we year when tried year so,
tried up so,
suicide, the story of initialed names carved into absent
substance.
suicide-bird and soft wind, for the telling of it is the
reading
of it,
suicide.
suicide.
suicide. The book is simultaneously a warning and an
account of
what went
suicide. brilliant
suicide; this
suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the slav e of the
altcrazy-satori-dog-
suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, flower's iron
petals, bodies
suicides, rages,
temper and my fears of just being alive? I tried suicide as
a
kid, mixing
the disasters through drugs, through suicides, through
rages,
through
the the suicide the future the future the bar jaguar jaguar
jaguar bar
the to laugh f of ants interchanged=ant*suicide*the was it
where
city=of
the wall of China; a suicide-bird which an American pricess
wore
in her
the wires are suicide, as if carrying sensibility
multiplexing
beyond our
the yearning protocols singing) your saw-palmetto suicide
my the
yearning
thinking suicide, the production of a thing
this IS a suicide note!
thought. between madness and suicide, this pain looms. do i
need
atten-
to myself, covered with ugly young." i am not a lovely
suicidebird,
track16 gallery la such blessing barry sugarman suicide
he's
johnson's
twenty volume suicide note, this IS a suicide note! That
is, if
I don't
unclear. to time, suicide, eighth for we when year tried
so, up
lived with
unclear. unclear. to to time, time, suicide, suicide,
eighth
eighth for
ured. It leads to suicide, dysfunction. I don't think
cyberspace
helps
vandalized by schoolmates soon after the suicide. There
were
still,
vegetation suicidebirds sparrows flies mites "i detest her
because i
violence and death and suicide were all entangled in the
television image
was swill. I perform emptiness. If I send out a suicide
note =
nothing. I
way. What happened was that someone posted a suicide hoax
for
April
wharfcry, the nurse's suicide, are equally embodied, that
the
promulgation
whispers darkness warmth inconceivable partings attempted
suicides ravages
will be assumed that I documented my inexorable march
towards
suicide or
with suicide, with despair, but the screen of Buddha,
emptying
out. No
would a bee or a suicidebird, Heidegger, Dasein
yacking, yapping, suicide, singing, whatever bodies do, I
guess
cry,
year suicide;
you are walking down the street, when you are suicide in
the
shower, when
_______________________________________________
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==
email archive: http://sondheim.rupamsunyata.org/
webpage http://www.alansondheim.org
music archive: http://www.espdisk.com/alansondheim/
==
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--
micha c?rdenas
Co-Author, Trans Desire / Affective Cyborgs, Atropos Press,
http://is.gd/daO00
Lecturer, Visual Arts Department, University of California, San Diego
Lecturer, Critical Gender Studies Program, University of California, San
Diego
Artist/Researcher, UCSD Medical Education
Artist/Theorist, bang.lab, http://bang.calit2.net
blog: http://transreal.org
gpg: http://is.gd/ebWx9
