Hi alan, Your work has inspired me. I still feel like your piece the Accidental Artist is one of the most amazing places I've ever spent time in in SL ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/azdelslade/3105972499/). We all feel lonely sometimes, and like nobody's paying any attention at other times. Your work has inspired me. I still think of your body work in SL also as a piece that really pushes the limits. Retire if you want, but don't think your work isn't amazing and don't think that no one's paying attention. And for fuck's sake suicide is out of the question. If you're really thinking about suicide, talk to someone in real life about it, not this mailing list.
Or check out this: http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202 or at least this: http://web.mac.com/katebornstein/iWeb/Hello_Cruel_World/Goodies_files/HCW_Lite_101.pdf *big hugs* from california, micha 2010/8/30 Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> > > The education issue is interesting; every time I publish an essay, I feel I > have to start over, since my 'career' such as it is, is too dispersed for > people to get a hand on it. So there's a kind of simplification built in - > on the other hand I want to continue with what I preposterously see as my > 'research' at the same time, so the balance is difficult. > > Again, if I were part of a community, things would be vastly different. > > Apologies for this being on list, by the way - I think it should be back- > channel, not present here, it's embarrassing, too raw... > > love Alan > > > On Mon, 30 Aug 2010, Stefano W. Pasquini wrote: > > Dear Alan,I can really relate to your piece, and with the way you work >> too. >> Unfortunately nowadays no-one has the time to inspect thoroughly anything, >> and especially anyone, in order to clear things up for the general public. >> I am in no position to give advice to someone like you, but once an art >> curator told me that in today's art world is up to the artist to defend >> his/her immortality, and to make things clear for the public. In other >> words, people like you (and me) are expected to simplify their art >> practice >> in order to be appreciated and understood by people who don't have time >> for >> you. >> The question is Mario Merz's: "Che fare?" What to do? >> I don't know. I try to build something in between - simplify my making to >> the public, and at the same time try to "educate" (horrible word) them to >> something more complex. >> Failing quite miserably most of the time, but only time will tell. >> Thank you, >> >> Stefano >> >> ---------------------------------------- >> Stefano W. Pasquini >> www.stefanopasquini.net >> www.obsoleteshit.com >> www.stefpasquini.com >> www.psq1.com >> ----------------------------------------- >> >> >> >> On Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 2:49 AM, Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> >> >> Thinking About Retiring >> >> I'm considering retirement; I'm asking for advice >> (back-channel); I'm at a >> loss; I never thought I'd reach this point; it's a point of >> solitude; no >> offline community, students, teaching; useless beyond occasional >> online >> talks. I write too much, play (music) too much, think too much; >> it's too >> much for me; too much for anyone; it's me. My friends don't >> return calls; >> why should they; school's starting; all those residencies; >> commitments; I >> sit in this loft (assume it's "this loft"); face the computer >> screen; the >> viola; the keyboard; the video editing software; the guitar; the >> oud; I >> decide what to do; I owe nothing to anyone. People visit on >> occasion; use >> one or another of my pieces (video or music), disappear. I >> haven't seen >> Myk (lap steel) for months; he's gone. I put work up at >> ESP-Disk; assume >> someone listens; it's gone. Grants are gone; jobs are gone; I >> tire from >> calling friends who don't have the time to return calls; I sit >> here; I >> think this is a bother; admire my father who watches tv day in >> day out; >> takes rides in the country; babbles; never did a creative thing >> in his >> life; gave me chances I wouldn't otherwise have had; >> psychologically >> abused me; has been retired over forty years; reads sometimes. I >> need to >> know what to do; I'm getting suicidal; I live in vacuum; compose >> in >> vacuum; think philosophy or dance or art in vacuum; push my own >> work like >> an arrogant fool; wait for no returns; wait for the money to run >> out; the >> building to collapse around me. >> >> I don't want to go back to school as a student; tour aimlessly >> around the >> country; volunteer for non-profits; my mind's still active. >> Invitations to >> schools; for performances; for equipment use; have stopped. I'm >> sick of >> the screen; this forced retirement; my sins have caught up with >> me; my >> numerous crimes have taken their toll; you know where to find >> me; you just >> don't know why. >> >> Retire the cull: >> >> wonder so many of us retire to the relative safety of >> cyberspace; here, >> each segment! will retire all the others... the segments... >> respects, seemed to him to be faultless. He had to retire to an >> uneasy >> each segment! will retire all the others... the segments... >> I would be a niter. I would retire from the machine. Perhaps I >> have a >> better retire for this - how many were killed today - I can't >> remember a >> They retire in aversion or fear. >> each segment! will retire all the others... the segments... >> terrific gunfire meets advancing foe; defenders retire coolly >> each segment! will retire all the others... the segments... >> female was just retiring to an inner room, when she suddenly >> came back >> this terminated the dialogue, Julia retiring to her own room, >> carrying me >> if retirement is a bridge that must be crossed when we get there >> leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any labor >> >> Suicide, the cull, far too many over 16 years: >> >> embryo suicide suicide embryo >> like now i think of suicide and hills >> O suicide O gnawed-blade hole O tourniquet punished >> by foaM >> Do listen to all smallthing suicide and leaping, say >> Alan >> Fear of deep death and do suicide. >> I would die. I want to die. I am so fantasy. I am so >> suicide. >> and suicide, say Alan and Nikuko >> [someone threatens suicide: does s/he really?] >> craw - a couple of other poets and myself have suicide poems >> in them. >> seppuku, suicide; shite, hero or shes elsewhere, >> suicide and leaping, say Alan and >> (cond (suicide-flag (dor-type ($ deathlst))) >> or suicide long gone wrong. >> "or rather suicided along with opera." >> 'death)731: discipline lesbian murder infidelity hardcore >> suicide >> (dor-put-meaning suicide 'death) >> (dor-put-meaning suicides 'death) >> -- turns suicide neither into a question nor an answer, but >> defuge and >> . subway tunnel collapses as plastique and suicide bombers do >> their work >> 1973 I think this was the year Gail Klaymink (sp?) committed >> suicide; as I >> 2006 Barry Sugarman committed suicide; he was the hand drummer >> in our >> I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires >> suicide, >> Alan, hoping I haven't let you down. Too many people here >> talking suicide. >> Cybermind list. May 8, he committed suicide. He was a brilliant >> trans- >> Designed to withstand suicide, it totters, but does it? >> Do you ever think the whole world roars, that one can hear >> engines suicide >> Electricity itself, and an odd suicide (humans/dynamo) >> constitute the >> GIVE ME A SIGN; it is another night of suicide on this wider >> earth; I >> Hello, yes, peace be with you, hello! I commit suicide! Humans >> Hoffman a suicide, the rest of them either dead or in remission! >> This is >> I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the wires >> suicide, >> I'll bet that you don't *really* want to commit suicide, do you? >> If so, >> If _the continuity girl_ commits suicide, does she break >> continuity? For >> If this were a suicide note, I would leave you my all. You would >> hear my >> Koresh or the BD said there would be no suicide. Obviously >> May suicide. He >> Mizu, water; Nikuko, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; shite, hero or >> hero- >> Mizu, water; Nikuko-oozing, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; shite, >> hero or >> NEVER ENOUGH. SUICIDE SQUAD patriot suicide squad. >> Net sex, Net flame, Net ennui, Net suicide. >> Now towards evening, Machine sleeps suicide quietly. What >> morning will >> Russian might have said? Clearly to obstruct suicide is evil. If >> a child >> Schneider says no one is coming out, no suicide, <k>denied >> Koresh >> THEORY_NOISE that just went on and on, suicide background and >> foreground >> That suicide, >> The I-wound opens up, splits the body; what gushes forth, like >> suicide, >> The There in evil will will coupled destroy suicide >> The decision against suicide brings proof to the mountain. >> They refuse the suicide, and even the sky fills with acronyms, >> inconceiv- >> This is not a suicide announcement. >> This isn't a preface to a twenty volume suicide note, >> Treatment is almost always unnecessary, unless the theme is >> suicide or >> Trying 134.115.4.238...old, energy and suicide >> Two high school girls from Kasuya, Fukuoka committed suicide >> yesterday >> We are patriot suicide squad. >> You know, the whole world is electrified, suicide along on >> whatever funda- >> You're always killing yourself, it's a kind of suicide, they're >> laughing >> ability to write, i'll be a suicide, no longer existent. well >> now as you >> again; death stalks me all my life. I live with the potential of >> suicide; >> age close of unclear. with to unclear. time, to suicide, time, >> eighth >> ahlfwillingly. we used to discuss a lot about suicide. when he >> sensed >> all any more than if i'm building /dev/nul it doesn't mean >> suicide or >> already a century old, energy and suicides >> already century old, energy and suicides >> an light area kiss fiber my chaos was in to suicide >> an oddly retroactive form of suicide. >> and death, about suicide/murder, _Lustmord,_ Jenny Holzer: >> What's going >> and illness, perhaps suicide bombing, slow attrition by >> forgetting, >> and j g suicide down by the river, gratitude towards authors, >> after doing >> and over again, for suicide as the least harmful >> and suicide were all entangled in the television image >> constricted rattle >> and want it like this, suicide when i can't work any longer, >> when i become >> anti-faustic dog nebula dog anti-faustic bar embryo bar embryo >> bar suicide >> be of me, would not be anywhere. If this were a suicide note, >> you would >> behind, still on, suicide away... >> blood, disinvests the world with its poverties and suicides. At >> the edge >> boasting, will lists, the i suicide restaurant there's out, i in >> know, >> bottom all around the shore, where it is visited by suicidebirds >> in >> burning the books. the books are suicides. >> carried out. Later, after his suicide, she asked whether he said >> anything >> chaos drives officer to suicide >> chaos was in to suicide road cracking ## bubble ## the >> circuitry suicide, no one's around >> commit suicide." "Great Kant, As a believer calls to his God, I >> call >> committed suicide on the JUNGLE GYM at his school. I never had a >> CRUSH on >> committed suicide. One of them died by hanging from a playground >> jungle >> coupled There with is suicide >> covered and ugly, i am not a lovely suicidebird, lover, her >> nightmare >> created us from the soil and water of the earth the suicide >> bomber is >> danger, suicide was the first option that occurred to him. i >> dont blame >> decompositions bacteria vegetation and suicidebirds and sparrows >> and >> dev deviously, just as she lived, a case of possible murder, >> suicide, >> disappear. well. on. physical. collapses. forever. lost. >> suicide. think. >> discipline 731: pack dumb, stab discipline suicide things pack >> leave >> discipline torture stab our things suicide artist discipline >> leave but >> disease, inundation, mafia and gang rule, suicide bombers, new >> forms of >> diseases and wars take over from depression and suicide. >> domestic violence and suicide). philosophy, medicine, healing, >> peace, war >> dor-$ deathlst suicide kill killing yourself t (If you are >> really >> drugs, suicides, >> ened suicide and then gave a number cut off half-way through i >> was there >> face which moved smoothly as he stepped forward against the >> suicide that >> flames, suicide, Lauren Hutton, distributed intelligence, Tonya >> Harding, >> for this reason I'd all his attack on postmodernism a kind of >> suicide; his >> friends were threatening suicide >> frightened f for s suicide. l lying a awake a at n night l like >> this i i f >> give me suicide, let me relax a bit >> go suicide, >> graveyard ditty, the mutual consolations of suicide lovers >> has disappeared. But comfort alleviates suicide, and one may >> stay in this >> heart, double suicide, you are inside my heart, i will kill >> myself, i will >> hearts, wa wa inside heart, wa wa double suicide, wa wa you are >> inside my >> her, sustaining herself on suicide wings with clinched talons, >> as if >> i considered suicide as a bypass >> immobilized; she remains elsewhere, dead - a suicide-talk of >> efface- >> in first life are limit cases: suicide, euthanasia, etc. >> inconceivable partings and attempted suicides and the ravages of >> insufferable suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, >> flower's iron >> internet suicide with new everyone internet. >> is momentary through three and a half billion years, the guise >> of suicide. >> is the saying of suicide, I told you so. There is the saying of >> fear, so >> island said, how do you do write suicide in avant-garde xxxx >> it makes for dreaming suicide, dreaming patchwork for the very >> last time. >> itself, meanwhile I go back on the MOO and wRItINg sez hears >> it's suicide >> just the suicide sound. People are running and screaming again. >> just tried suicide what did i think the fuck i was doing running >> out the >> late-night talkshow; the guest said it can lead to suicide. The >> cut on my >> line, secretly conservative? That I thought suicide, lived in >> death's >> lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of i am the pure swan to >> myself, >> lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of others. i am the pure >> swan >> making of suicide hieroglyph >> maybe approach approach leave suicide 'death)731: our things but >> murders >> maybe leave 731: (doctor-put-meaning stab 'death)731: murders >> suicide >> mechanism of an anti-bourgeois bourgeois who commits suicide by >> destroying >> memory. in the reversed world, suicide is the >> mover is its alleviation. But I would also argue for a suicide >> for trivial >> murder and suicide?" That's what he said. President Clinton, on >> murderer, priestess, suicide. I travel through the slit! The >> slit in your >> murmurs heard last no suicide. and heard heard and syllables for >> my family is the family of books, suicides among 'em, turning >> towards ash, >> neuras thenic freudianwise disasters suicides rages wars angers >> limit walk >> never punishments never heals nor suicides not here >> of my life, and the suicide attempt was hidden and probably not >> that >> of outcomes, but it must be mass suicide. with a >> of suicide there are some. >> one's tendency towards suicide, which must be continually >> monitored. Not >> one? suicide suicide suicide one? >> or rather suicided along with opera. >> overthrown, but that they commit suicide. >> perturbing, too much talk of suicide. And if Jennifer, then >> ghost-like we >> phonemes. suicide. won't i knife phonemes. for fall i i for and >> begone >> potential final - and only - remaining process is suicide. >> Everything else >> prayer of repetition murder and suicide >> projectors suicide poorly in the background, speakers roaring >> before us - >> pulleys, invisibly molded in something suicide over the wires, >> never >> satori-boyve does the suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the slave >> of the >> seventy two sets live furious diseases wars take suicide up >> this end >> she had just attempted suicide, and when I reached her in the >> hospital, >> she thought of bees suicide all around, she thought about >> flowers. >> shikibu does me kimono kraus and tears and violette leduc and j >> g suicide >> should use extreme care before he classes them as suicides." >> suicides. >> sides of the self! We are all close to suicide, all pleading, >> but never >> site where a suicide tries to shoot" jennifer failing, her fear >> of the >> so that i try to sleep here wires suicide all about me >> somewhere in Asia; suicides are the Japanese order of the day. >> Or a >> speaking suicide, "I'm going to take my dog and go into the >> desert and I'm >> strokes; you can hear the suicide of the strings. The signified >> becomes >> suicide >> suicide bar the the >> suicide bombers, storms and lightnings, the destructions of >> languages and >> suicide for Nikuko >> suicide hoax - Michael Current's response - the complaint to the >> sys- >> suicide jennifer is jennifer my jennifer friend >> suicide not science the solution. >> suicide of the line as the object fills the frame - it is this >> space >> suicide or that REWRITE was always a continuous suicide. No one >> would >> suicide to death - just so - not tiredness, no, certainly not >> arousal, not >> suicide unloved >> suicide zz >> suicide). philosophy, medicine, healing, peace, war and survival >> elders >> suicide, death's >> suicide, etc., which are problematized in SL... >> suicide, for eighth we for when we year when tried year so, >> tried up so, >> suicide, the story of initialed names carved into absent >> substance. >> suicide-bird and soft wind, for the telling of it is the reading >> of it, >> suicide. >> suicide. >> suicide. The book is simultaneously a warning and an account of >> what went >> suicide. brilliant >> suicide; this >> suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the slav e of the >> altcrazy-satori-dog- >> suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, flower's iron >> petals, bodies >> suicides, rages, >> temper and my fears of just being alive? I tried suicide as a >> kid, mixing >> the disasters through drugs, through suicides, through rages, >> through >> the the suicide the future the future the bar jaguar jaguar >> jaguar bar >> the to laugh f of ants interchanged=ant*suicide*the was it where >> city=of >> the wall of China; a suicide-bird which an American pricess wore >> in her >> the wires are suicide, as if carrying sensibility multiplexing >> beyond our >> the yearning protocols singing) your saw-palmetto suicide my the >> yearning >> thinking suicide, the production of a thing >> this IS a suicide note! >> thought. between madness and suicide, this pain looms. do i need >> atten- >> to myself, covered with ugly young." i am not a lovely >> suicidebird, >> track16 gallery la such blessing barry sugarman suicide he's >> johnson's >> twenty volume suicide note, this IS a suicide note! That is, if >> I don't >> unclear. to time, suicide, eighth for we when year tried so, up >> lived with >> unclear. unclear. to to time, time, suicide, suicide, eighth >> eighth for >> ured. It leads to suicide, dysfunction. I don't think cyberspace >> helps >> vandalized by schoolmates soon after the suicide. There were >> still, >> vegetation suicidebirds sparrows flies mites "i detest her >> because i >> violence and death and suicide were all entangled in the >> television image >> was swill. I perform emptiness. If I send out a suicide note = >> nothing. I >> way. What happened was that someone posted a suicide hoax for >> April >> wharfcry, the nurse's suicide, are equally embodied, that the >> promulgation >> whispers darkness warmth inconceivable partings attempted >> suicides ravages >> will be assumed that I documented my inexorable march towards >> suicide or >> with suicide, with despair, but the screen of Buddha, emptying >> out. No >> would a bee or a suicidebird, Heidegger, Dasein >> yacking, yapping, suicide, singing, whatever bodies do, I guess >> cry, >> year suicide; >> you are walking down the street, when you are suicide in the >> shower, when >> >> _______________________________________________ >> NetBehaviour mailing list >> [email protected] >> http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour >> >> >> >> >> > > == > email archive: http://sondheim.rupamsunyata.org/ > webpage http://www.alansondheim.org > music archive: http://www.espdisk.com/alansondheim/ > == > > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > -- micha cárdenas Co-Author, Trans Desire / Affective Cyborgs, Atropos Press, http://is.gd/daO00 Lecturer, Visual Arts Department, University of California, San Diego Lecturer, Critical Gender Studies Program, University of California, San Diego Artist/Researcher, UCSD Medical Education Artist/Theorist, bang.lab, http://bang.calit2.net blog: http://transreal.org gpg: http://is.gd/ebWx9
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