:)
--- On Mon, 8/30/10, manik <[email protected]> wrote: > From: manik <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [NetBehaviour] Thinking About Retiring > To: "NetBehaviour for networked distributed creativity" > <[email protected]> > Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 5:08 PM > ...ALAN...YOU COULD RETIRING...THAN > AFTER FISHING YOU COULD MAKE BEAUTIFUL > WATERCOLORS...MANIK...AUGUST...2010... > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Michael Szpakowski" <[email protected]> > To: "NetBehaviour for networked distributed creativity" > <[email protected]> > Sent: Monday, August 30, 2010 3:23 PM > Subject: Re: [NetBehaviour] Thinking About Retiring > > > Hi Alan > of course it's difficult to know whether to take the > "retiring" piece at > face value given it's adjacent to pieces that are clearly > 'work'. > As always at these moments I'd say (a) you shouldn't retire > (b) I don't > believe you could anyway :) > I for one value your work enormously - both for > itself and for its example > of work motivated not by the market or personal gain but by > the *need to say > what must be said* > Marx: "Milton produced his Paradise Lost for the same > reason that a > silk-worm produces silk. It was an activity of his nature. > Later, he sold > the product for five pounds." > I think your work should be more widely known - we've tried > to assist that > process on DVblog. > Perhaps it will take some time -possibly too long- for a > wide understanding > of what you do (although I'd wager money that this will > come). In a sense > this is the gamble that anyone who makes creative work > takes. There are > plenty of writers and artists who have been feted in their > lifetimes who are > obscure or forgotten now... > warmest wishes > michael > > > > > > > > --- On Mon, 8/30/10, Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> > wrote: > > > From: Alan Sondheim <[email protected]> > > Subject: [NetBehaviour] Thinking About Retiring > > To: [email protected] > > Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 1:49 AM > > > > > > Thinking About Retiring > > > > I'm considering retirement; I'm asking for advice > > (back-channel); I'm at a > > loss; I never thought I'd reach this point; it's a > point of > > solitude; no > > offline community, students, teaching; useless beyond > > occasional online > > talks. I write too much, play (music) too much, think > too > > much; it's too > > much for me; too much for anyone; it's me. My friends > don't > > return calls; > > why should they; school's starting; all those > residencies; > > commitments; I > > sit in this loft (assume it's "this loft"); face the > > computer screen; the > > viola; the keyboard; the video editing software; the > > guitar; the oud; I > > decide what to do; I owe nothing to anyone. People > visit on > > occasion; use > > one or another of my pieces (video or music), > disappear. I > > haven't seen > > Myk (lap steel) for months; he's gone. I put work up > at > > ESP-Disk; assume > > someone listens; it's gone. Grants are gone; jobs are > gone; > > I tire from > > calling friends who don't have the time to return > calls; I > > sit here; I > > think this is a bother; admire my father who watches > tv day > > in day out; > > takes rides in the country; babbles; never did a > creative > > thing in his > > life; gave me chances I wouldn't otherwise have had; > > psychologically > > abused me; has been retired over forty years; reads > > sometimes. I need to > > know what to do; I'm getting suicidal; I live in > vacuum; > > compose in > > vacuum; think philosophy or dance or art in vacuum; > push my > > own work like > > an arrogant fool; wait for no returns; wait for the > money > > to run out; the > > building to collapse around me. > > > > I don't want to go back to school as a student; tour > > aimlessly around the > > country; volunteer for non-profits; my mind's still > active. > > Invitations to > > schools; for performances; for equipment use; have > stopped. > > I'm sick of > > the screen; this forced retirement; my sins have > caught up > > with me; my > > numerous crimes have taken their toll; you know where > to > > find me; you just > > don't know why. > > > > Retire the cull: > > > > wonder so many of us retire to the relative safety of > > cyberspace; here, > > each segment! will retire all the others... the > > segments... > > respects, seemed to him to be faultless. He had to > retire > > to an uneasy > > each segment! will retire all the others... the > > segments... > > I would be a niter. I would retire from the machine. > > Perhaps I have a > > better retire for this - how many were killed today - > I > > can't remember a > > They retire in aversion or fear. > > each segment! will retire all the others... the > > segments... > > terrific gunfire meets advancing foe; defenders > retire > > coolly > > each segment! will retire all the others... the > > segments... > > female was just retiring to an inner room, when she > > suddenly came back > > this terminated the dialogue, Julia retiring to her > own > > room, carrying me > > if retirement is a bridge that must be crossed when we > get > > there > > leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any > > labor > > > > Suicide, the cull, far too many over 16 years: > > > > embryo > > suicide suicide embryo > > like now i think of > > suicide and hills > > O suicide > > O gnawed-blade hole O tourniquet punished by foaM > > Do listen to all > > smallthing suicide and leaping, say Alan > > Fear of deep death > > and do suicide. > > I would die. I want > > to die. I am so fantasy. I am so suicide. > > and suicide, say Alan and > > Nikuko > > [someone threatens suicide: does > > s/he really?] > > craw - a couple of other poets and myself > > have suicide poems in them. > > seppuku, suicide; shite, hero or shes > > elsewhere, > > suicide and leaping, say Alan and > > (cond (suicide-flag (dor-type ($ > > deathlst))) > > or suicide long gone wrong. > > "or rather suicided along with opera." > > 'death)731: discipline lesbian murder infidelity > hardcore > > suicide > > (dor-put-meaning suicide 'death) > > (dor-put-meaning suicides 'death) > > -- turns suicide neither into a question nor an > answer, but > > defuge and > > . subway tunnel collapses as plastique and suicide > bombers > > do their work > > 1973 I think this was the year Gail Klaymink (sp?) > > committed suicide; as I > > 2006 Barry Sugarman committed suicide; he was the > hand > > drummer in our > > I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the > wires > > suicide, > > Alan, hoping I haven't let you down. Too many people > here > > talking suicide. > > Cybermind list. May 8, he committed suicide. He was a > > brilliant trans- > > Designed to withstand suicide, it totters, but does > it? > > Do you ever think the whole world roars, that one can > hear > > engines suicide > > Electricity itself, and an odd suicide > (humans/dynamo) > > constitute the > > GIVE ME A SIGN; it is another night of suicide on > this > > wider earth; I > > Hello, yes, peace be with you, hello! I commit > suicide! > > Humans > > Hoffman a suicide, the rest of them either dead or in > > remission! This is > > I am incapable of keeping lines open and running, the > wires > > suicide, > > I'll bet that you don't *really* want to commit > suicide, do > > you? If so, > > If _the continuity girl_ commits suicide, does she > break > > continuity? For > > If this were a suicide note, I would leave you my all. > You > > would hear my > > Koresh or the BD said there would be no suicide. > > Obviously > > May suicide. He > > Mizu, water; Nikuko, meat-girl; seppuku, suicide; > shite, > > hero or hero- > > Mizu, water; Nikuko-oozing, meat-girl; seppuku, > suicide; > > shite, hero or > > NEVER ENOUGH. SUICIDE SQUAD patriot suicide squad. > > Net sex, Net flame, Net ennui, Net suicide. > > Now towards evening, Machine sleeps suicide quietly. > What > > morning will > > Russian might have said? Clearly to obstruct suicide > is > > evil. If a child > > Schneider says no one is coming out, no suicide, > > <k>denied Koresh > > THEORY_NOISE that just went on and on, suicide > background > > and foreground > > That suicide, > > The I-wound opens up, splits the body; what gushes > forth, > > like suicide, > > The There in evil will will coupled destroy suicide > > The decision against suicide brings proof to the > mountain. > > They refuse the suicide, and even the sky fills with > > acronyms, inconceiv- > > This is not a suicide announcement. > > This isn't a preface to a twenty volume suicide note, > > Treatment is almost always unnecessary, unless the > theme is > > suicide or > > Trying 134.115.4.238...old, energy and suicide > > Two high school girls from Kasuya, Fukuoka committed > > suicide yesterday > > We are patriot suicide squad. > > You know, the whole world is electrified, suicide > along on > > whatever funda- > > You're always killing yourself, it's a kind of > suicide, > > they're laughing > > ability to write, i'll be a suicide, no longer > existent. > > well now as you > > again; death stalks me all my life. I live with the > > potential of suicide; > > age close of unclear. with to unclear. time, to > suicide, > > time, eighth > > ahlfwillingly. we used to discuss a lot about suicide. > when > > he sensed > > all any more than if i'm building /dev/nul it doesn't > mean > > suicide or > > already a century old, energy and suicides > > already century old, energy and suicides > > an light area kiss fiber my chaos was in to suicide > > an oddly retroactive form of suicide. > > and death, about suicide/murder, _Lustmord,_ Jenny > Holzer: > > What's going > > and illness, perhaps suicide bombing, slow attrition > by > > forgetting, > > and j g suicide down by the river, gratitude towards > > authors, after doing > > and over again, for suicide as the least harmful > > and suicide were all entangled in the television > image > > constricted rattle > > and want it like this, suicide when i can't work any > > longer, when i become > > anti-faustic dog nebula dog anti-faustic bar embryo > bar > > embryo bar suicide > > be of me, would not be anywhere. If this were a > suicide > > note, you would > > behind, still on, suicide away... > > blood, disinvests the world with its poverties and > > suicides. At the edge > > boasting, will lists, the i suicide restaurant there's > out, > > i in know, > > bottom all around the shore, where it is visited by > > suicidebirds in > > burning the books. the books are suicides. > > carried out. Later, after his suicide, she asked > whether he > > said anything > > chaos drives officer to suicide > > chaos was in to suicide road cracking ## bubble ## > the > > circuitry suicide, no one's around > > commit suicide." "Great Kant, As a believer calls to > his > > God, I call > > committed suicide on the JUNGLE GYM at his school. I > never > > had a CRUSH on > > committed suicide. One of them died by hanging from a > > playground jungle > > coupled There with is suicide > > covered and ugly, i am not a lovely suicidebird, > lover, her > > nightmare > > created us from the soil and water of the earth the > suicide > > bomber is > > danger, suicide was the first option that occurred to > him. > > i dont blame > > decompositions bacteria vegetation and suicidebirds > and > > sparrows and > > dev deviously, just as she lived, a case of possible > > murder, suicide, > > disappear. well. on. physical. collapses. forever. > lost. > > suicide. think. > > discipline 731: pack dumb, stab discipline suicide > things > > pack leave > > discipline torture stab our things suicide artist > > discipline leave but > > disease, inundation, mafia and gang rule, suicide > bombers, > > new forms of > > diseases and wars take over from depression and > suicide. > > domestic violence and suicide). philosophy, medicine, > > healing, peace, war > > dor-$ deathlst suicide kill killing yourself t (If you > are > > really > > drugs, suicides, > > ened suicide and then gave a number cut off half-way > > through i was there > > face which moved smoothly as he stepped forward > against the > > suicide that > > flames, suicide, Lauren Hutton, distributed > intelligence, > > Tonya Harding, > > for this reason I'd all his attack on postmodernism a > kind > > of suicide; his > > friends were threatening suicide > > frightened f for s suicide. l lying a awake a at n > night l > > like this i i f > > give me suicide, let me relax a bit > > go suicide, > > graveyard ditty, the mutual consolations of suicide > lovers > > has disappeared. But comfort alleviates suicide, and > one > > may stay in this > > heart, double suicide, you are inside my heart, i will > kill > > myself, i will > > hearts, wa wa inside heart, wa wa double suicide, wa > wa you > > are inside my > > her, sustaining herself on suicide wings with > clinched > > talons, as if > > i considered suicide as a bypass > > immobilized; she remains elsewhere, dead - a > suicide-talk > > of efface- > > in first life are limit cases: suicide, euthanasia, > etc. > > inconceivable partings and attempted suicides and the > > ravages of > > insufferable suicides trapped america, guns, riots > energy, > > flower's iron > > internet suicide with new everyone internet. > > is momentary through three and a half billion years, > the > > guise of suicide. > > is the saying of suicide, I told you so. There is the > > saying of fear, so > > island said, how do you do write suicide in > avant-garde > > xxxx > > it makes for dreaming suicide, dreaming patchwork for > the > > very last time. > > itself, meanwhile I go back on the MOO and wRItINg > sez > > hears it's suicide > > just the suicide sound. People are running and > screaming > > again. > > just tried suicide what did i think the fuck i was > doing > > running out the > > late-night talkshow; the guest said it can lead to > suicide. > > The cut on my > > line, secretly conservative? That I thought suicide, > lived > > in death's > > lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of i am the > pure > > swan to myself, > > lovely suicidebird, delicate and caring of others. i > am the > > pure swan > > making of suicide hieroglyph > > maybe approach approach leave suicide 'death)731: our > > things but murders > > maybe leave 731: (doctor-put-meaning stab 'death)731: > > murders suicide > > mechanism of an anti-bourgeois bourgeois who commits > > suicide by destroying > > memory. in the reversed world, suicide is the > > mover is its alleviation. But I would also argue for > a > > suicide for trivial > > murder and suicide?" That's what he said. President > > Clinton, on > > murderer, priestess, suicide. I travel through the > slit! > > The slit in your > > murmurs heard last no suicide. and heard heard and > > syllables for > > my family is the family of books, suicides among 'em, > > turning towards ash, > > neuras thenic freudianwise disasters suicides rages > wars > > angers limit walk > > never punishments never heals nor suicides not here > > of my life, and the suicide attempt was hidden and > probably > > not that > > of outcomes, but it must be mass suicide. with a > > of suicide there are some. > > one's tendency towards suicide, which must be > continually > > monitored. Not > > one? suicide suicide suicide one? > > or rather suicided along with opera. > > overthrown, but that they commit suicide. > > perturbing, too much talk of suicide. And if Jennifer, > then > > ghost-like we > > phonemes. suicide. won't i knife phonemes. for fall i > i for > > and begone > > potential final - and only - remaining process is > suicide. > > Everything else > > prayer of repetition murder and suicide > > projectors suicide poorly in the background, speakers > > roaring before us - > > pulleys, invisibly molded in something suicide over > the > > wires, never > > satori-boyve does the suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so > the > > slave of the > > seventy two sets live furious diseases wars take > > suicide up this end > > she had just attempted suicide, and when I reached her > in > > the hospital, > > she thought of bees suicide all around, she thought > about > > flowers. > > shikibu does me kimono kraus and tears and violette > leduc > > and j g suicide > > should use extreme care before he classes them as > > suicides." suicides. > > sides of the self! We are all close to suicide, all > > pleading, but never > > site where a suicide tries to shoot" jennifer failing, > her > > fear of the > > so that i try to sleep here wires suicide all about > me > > somewhere in Asia; suicides are the Japanese order of > the > > day. Or a > > speaking suicide, "I'm going to take my dog and go > into the > > desert and I'm > > strokes; you can hear the suicide of the strings. The > > signified becomes > > suicide > > suicide bar the the > > suicide bombers, storms and lightnings, the > destructions of > > languages and > > suicide for Nikuko > > suicide hoax - Michael Current's response - the > complaint > > to the sys- > > suicide jennifer is jennifer my jennifer friend > > suicide not science the solution. > > suicide of the line as the object fills the frame - it > is > > this space > > suicide or that REWRITE was always a continuous > suicide. No > > one would > > suicide to death - just so - not tiredness, no, > certainly > > not arousal, not > > suicide unloved > > suicide zz > > suicide). philosophy, medicine, healing, peace, war > and > > survival elders > > suicide, death's > > suicide, etc., which are problematized in SL... > > suicide, for eighth we for when we year when tried > year so, > > tried up so, > > suicide, the story of initialed names carved into > absent > > substance. > > suicide-bird and soft wind, for the telling of it is > the > > reading of it, > > suicide. > > suicide. > > suicide. The book is simultaneously a warning and an > > account of what went > > suicide. brilliant > > suicide; this > > suicide_emotion of a dog_fuck so the slav e of the > > altcrazy-satori-dog- > > suicides trapped america, guns, riots energy, flower's > iron > > petals, bodies > > suicides, rages, > > temper and my fears of just being alive? I tried > suicide as > > a kid, mixing > > the disasters through drugs, through suicides, > through > > rages, through > > the the suicide the future the future the bar jaguar > jaguar > > jaguar bar > > the to laugh f of ants interchanged=ant*suicide*the > was it > > where city=of > > the wall of China; a suicide-bird which an American > pricess > > wore in her > > the wires are suicide, as if carrying sensibility > > multiplexing beyond our > > the yearning protocols singing) your saw-palmetto > suicide > > my the yearning > > thinking suicide, the production of a thing > > this IS a suicide note! > > thought. between madness and suicide, this pain looms. > do i > > need atten- > > to myself, covered with ugly young." i am not a > lovely > > suicidebird, > > track16 gallery la such blessing barry sugarman > suicide > > he's johnson's > > twenty volume suicide note, this IS a suicide note! > That > > is, if I don't > > unclear. to time, suicide, eighth for we when year > tried > > so, up lived with > > unclear. unclear. to to time, time, suicide, suicide, > > eighth eighth for > > ured. It leads to suicide, dysfunction. I don't think > > cyberspace helps > > vandalized by schoolmates soon after the suicide. > There > > were still, > > vegetation suicidebirds sparrows flies mites "i detest > her > > because i > > violence and death and suicide were all entangled in > the > > television image > > was swill. I perform emptiness. If I send out a > suicide > > note = nothing. I > > way. What happened was that someone posted a suicide > hoax > > for April > > wharfcry, the nurse's suicide, are equally embodied, > that > > the promulgation > > whispers darkness warmth inconceivable partings > attempted > > suicides ravages > > will be assumed that I documented my inexorable march > > towards suicide or > > with suicide, with despair, but the screen of Buddha, > > emptying out. No > > would a bee or a suicidebird, Heidegger, Dasein > > yacking, yapping, suicide, singing, whatever bodies > do, I > > guess cry, > > year suicide; > > you are walking down the street, when you are suicide > in > > the shower, when > > > > _______________________________________________ > > NetBehaviour mailing list > > [email protected] > > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > > > > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > > __________ NOD32 4979 (20100328) Information __________ > > This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system. > http://www.eset.com > > > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > _______________________________________________ NetBehaviour mailing list [email protected] http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
