Way back when I passed 50 (years of age, that is; I believe the prep had me passing way more than 50!), ya' had to drink a half-liter of that [EMAIL PROTECTED]& every 15 minutes totally 4 liters. (And we LIKED it...?) -------------------------------------- Richard McClary, Systems Administrator ASPCA Knowledge Management 1717 S Philo Rd, Ste 36, Urbana, IL 61802 217-337-9761 http://www.aspca.org
"Jon Harris" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote on 07/08/2008 10:13:33 AM: > The new stuff is already liquid and the taste is worse. That said > the Vodka would make it easier to get through the day. > > Jon > On Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 11:08 AM, Eldridge, Dave <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > LOL > I wish he would come out of his self imposed leave and write about > current events. > I'll have to remember the vodka J > From: Andy Shook [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 8:56 AM > To: NT System Admin Issues > Subject: OT: Wednesday funny > > Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal: > > .. I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make > anappointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy > showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go > all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . > > > > Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, > reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't > really > hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, > 'HE'S GOING TO > STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' > > I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a > prescription > for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large > enough to hold > > a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice > it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America > 's > enemies. > > I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. > Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In > accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; > all I > had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. > Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder > together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. > (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 > gallons.) > > Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because > MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit > and > urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. > > The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great > sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel > movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump > off > your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. > > MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, > but: > Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the > MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you > wish > the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined > to > the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, > when > you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of > MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into > the > future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. > > After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning > my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried > about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts > of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' > How do > you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be > enough. > > > At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood > and > totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me > to > a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little > curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital > garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, > makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. > > Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. > Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was > already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in > their MoviPrep. At first was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, > but > then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make > it > to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. > You > would have no choice but to burn your house. > > When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, > where > Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the > 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. > > I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left > side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle > in > my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song > was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the > songs > that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing > Queen' has > to be the least appropriate. ?You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, > from > somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the > moment I > had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare > yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly > what > it was like. > > > I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking > 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...' and the > next moment, > I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was > looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even > more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon > had > passed with flying colors. > > > I have never been prouder of an internal organ. > > > Shook > > > > This e-mail contains the thoughts and opinions of the sender and > does not represent official Parkview Medical Center policy. > This communication is intended only for the recipient(s) named > above, may be confidential and/or legally privileged: and, must be > treated as such in accordance with state and federal laws. If you > are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use > of this communication, or any of its contents, is prohibited. 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