5 miles uphill in 6 feet of snow both ways huh? 2008/7/8 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>:
> Way back when I passed 50 (years of age, that is; I believe the prep had > me passing way more than 50!), ya' had to drink a half-liter of that [EMAIL > PROTECTED]& > every 15 minutes totally 4 liters. (And we LIKED it...?) > -------------------------------------- > Richard McClary, Systems Administrator > ASPCA Knowledge Management > 1717 S Philo Rd, Ste 36, Urbana, IL 61802 > 217-337-9761 > http://www.aspca.org > > > "Jon Harris" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote on 07/08/2008 10:13:33 AM: > > > The new stuff is already liquid and the taste is worse. That said > > the Vodka would make it easier to get through the day. > > > > Jon > > > On Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 11:08 AM, Eldridge, Dave <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote: > > LOL > > I wish he would come out of his self imposed leave and write about > > current events. > > I'll have to remember the vodka J > > From: Andy Shook [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 8:56 AM > > To: NT System Admin Issues > > Subject: OT: Wednesday funny > > > > Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal: > > > > .. I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make > > anappointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy > > showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to > go > > all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . > > > > > > > > Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, > > reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't > > really > > hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, > > 'HE'S GOING TO > > STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' > > > > I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a > > prescription > > for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large > > enough to hold > > > > a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now > suffice > > it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America > > 's > > enemies. > > > > I spent the next several days productively sitting around being > nervous. > > Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In > > accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; > > all I > > had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. > > Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of > powder > > together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm > water. > > (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 > > gallons.) > > > > Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because > > MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat > spit > > and > > urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. > > > > The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great > > sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel > > movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump > > off > > your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. > > > > MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, > > but: > > Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the > > MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you > > wish > > the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much > confined > > to > > the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, > > when > > you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter > of > > MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into > > the > > future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. > > > > After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next > morning > > my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I > worried > > about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return > bouts > > of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' > > How do > > you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not > be > > enough. > > > > > > At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood > > and > > totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me > > to > > a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little > > curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those > hospital > > garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it > on, > > makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. > > > > Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. > > Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was > > already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in > > their MoviPrep. At first was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, > > but > > then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to > make > > it > > to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose > Mode. > > You > > would have no choice but to burn your house. > > > > When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, > > where > > Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see > the > > 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. > > > > I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left > > side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the > needle > > in > > my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the > song > > was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the > > songs > > that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing > > Queen' has > > to be the least appropriate. ?You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, > > from > > somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the > > moment I > > had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare > > yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly > > what > > it was like. > > > > > > I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was > shrieking > > 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...' and the > > next moment, > > I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was > > looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt > even > > more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my > colon > > had > > passed with flying colors. > > > > > > I have never been prouder of an internal organ. > > > > > > Shook > > > > > > > > This e-mail contains the thoughts and opinions of the sender and > > does not represent official Parkview Medical Center policy. > > This communication is intended only for the recipient(s) named > > above, may be confidential and/or legally privileged: and, must be > > treated as such in accordance with state and federal laws. If you > > are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use > > of this communication, or any of its contents, is prohibited. If you > > have received this communication in error, please return to sender > > and delete the message from your computer system. > > ~ Upgrade to Next Generation Antispam/Antivirus with Ninja! ~ > ~ <http://www.sunbelt-software.com/SunbeltMessagingNinja.cfm> ~ > -- Regards, Clayton [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://alsipius.com ~ Upgrade to Next Generation Antispam/Antivirus with Ninja! ~ ~ <http://www.sunbelt-software.com/SunbeltMessagingNinja.cfm> ~
