Hey Shook, it would only be Wednesday if you were in say Australia....... On Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 10:38 AM, Clayton Doige <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> 5 miles uphill in 6 feet of snow both ways huh? > > 2008/7/8 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>: > >> Way back when I passed 50 (years of age, that is; I believe the prep had >> me passing way more than 50!), ya' had to drink a half-liter of that [EMAIL >> PROTECTED]& >> every 15 minutes totally 4 liters. (And we LIKED it...?) >> -------------------------------------- >> Richard McClary, Systems Administrator >> ASPCA Knowledge Management >> 1717 S Philo Rd, Ste 36, Urbana, IL 61802 >> 217-337-9761 >> http://www.aspca.org >> >> >> "Jon Harris" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote on 07/08/2008 10:13:33 AM: >> >> > The new stuff is already liquid and the taste is worse. That said >> > the Vodka would make it easier to get through the day. >> > >> > Jon >> >> > On Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 11:08 AM, Eldridge, Dave <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >> wrote: >> > LOL >> > I wish he would come out of his self imposed leave and write about >> > current events. >> > I'll have to remember the vodka J >> > From: Andy Shook [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] >> > Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 8:56 AM >> >> > To: NT System Admin Issues >> > Subject: OT: Wednesday funny >> > >> > Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal: >> > >> > .. I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make >> > anappointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy >> > showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to >> go >> > all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . >> > >> > >> > >> > Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, >> > reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't >> > really >> > hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, >> > 'HE'S GOING TO >> > STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' >> > >> > I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a >> > prescription >> > for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large >> > enough to hold >> > >> > a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now >> suffice >> > it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America >> > 's >> > enemies. >> > >> > I spent the next several days productively sitting around being >> nervous. >> > Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In >> > accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; >> > all I >> > had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. >> > Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of >> powder >> > together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm >> water. >> > (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 >> > gallons.) >> > >> > Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because >> > MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat >> spit >> > and >> > urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. >> > >> > The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great >> > sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel >> > movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump >> > off >> > your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. >> > >> > MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, >> > but: >> > Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the >> > MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you >> > wish >> > the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much >> confined >> > to >> > the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, >> > when >> > you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter >> of >> > MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into >> > the >> > future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. >> > >> > After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next >> morning >> > my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I >> worried >> > about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return >> bouts >> > of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' >> > How do >> > you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not >> be >> > enough. >> > >> > >> > At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood >> > and >> > totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me >> > to >> > a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little >> > curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those >> hospital >> > garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it >> on, >> > makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. >> > >> > Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. >> > Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was >> > already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in >> > their MoviPrep. At first was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, >> > but >> > then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to >> make >> > it >> > to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose >> Mode. >> > You >> > would have no choice but to burn your house. >> > >> > When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, >> > where >> > Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see >> the >> > 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. >> > >> > I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left >> > side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the >> needle >> > in >> > my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the >> song >> > was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the >> > songs >> > that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing >> > Queen' has >> > to be the least appropriate. ?You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, >> > from >> > somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the >> > moment I >> > had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare >> > yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly >> > what >> > it was like. >> > >> > >> > I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was >> shrieking >> > 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...' and the >> > next moment, >> > I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was >> > looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt >> even >> > more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my >> colon >> > had >> > passed with flying colors. >> > >> > >> > I have never been prouder of an internal organ. >> > >> > >> > Shook >> > >> > >> > >> > This e-mail contains the thoughts and opinions of the sender and >> > does not represent official Parkview Medical Center policy. >> > This communication is intended only for the recipient(s) named >> > above, may be confidential and/or legally privileged: and, must be >> > treated as such in accordance with state and federal laws. If you >> > are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use >> > of this communication, or any of its contents, is prohibited. If you >> > have received this communication in error, please return to sender >> > and delete the message from your computer system. >> >> ~ Upgrade to Next Generation Antispam/Antivirus with Ninja! ~ >> ~ <http://www.sunbelt-software.com/SunbeltMessagingNinja.cfm> ~ >> > > > > -- > Regards, > > Clayton > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > http://alsipius.com > > -- Sherry Abercrombie "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Arthur C. Clarke ~ Upgrade to Next Generation Antispam/Antivirus with Ninja! ~ ~ <http://www.sunbelt-software.com/SunbeltMessagingNinja.cfm> ~
