dear allison
i am really just a lurker on the list as i'm neither midwife nor mother (one
day a midwife perhaps)
i also read your email and thought what a bitter/sweet outcome
i felt compelled to write and perhaps give my perceived reasons (because i
think i've done the same thing) for their unfortunate behaviour in the hope
it might make you feel a bit better
here goes:
my best friend had a baby at the beginning of this year which i was invited
to attend
as i said i don't have a baby myself and must say that my beliefs about
birth are quite staunch to say the least (unfortunately for those who suffer
me)
we both went into her birth with a distinct outcome in mind (actually i
think mine was different to hers but i managed to keep that under
control...yes i have a lot to learn)
MY behaviour towards the hospital staff was quite similar to the 'rudeness'
you felt from your couple (my friend and her partner were fine towards them)
ie. i ignored them and actually gave them quite a negative vibe every time
they entered the room...as it happened her birth did turn out to be highly
medicalised (something that traumatised me for months)
with time between the event and now i have had opportunity to reflect on my
reaction to the hospital surrounding
and i think my reasons were thus:
i have done a lot of reading about birth and the process and the home birth
way and the hospital way etc etc
a lot of what i've read is accounts from what midwives and mothers have
experienced....i must admit that the hospital stories are akin to horror
stories and the only positive ones are when the women are victorious over
the highly controlled and seemingly masculine surroundings of the hospital
labour ward ie. birthing the baby whist the staff are out finding the doctor
for the caesarean ; )
so therefore i went to hospital ready for a fight really already hating
every doctor who entered the room since i saw them as thieves of my friend's
experience
i imagine your couple...especially since they wanted a home birth....went to
hospital feeling perhaps a small sense of failure and saw the staff as
responsible in a way for taking away their 'beautiful' experience
it is clear to me that you are a caring midwife who has been sadly
overlooked for her good practice
it is sad the couple missed the opportunity to look at you and know what you
offer
i think nowadays some women may feel they must enter their births guerilla
style and their birth plans almost become defensive war plans with their
bodies being the land fought for and the hospital staff as the encroaching
army - they too have heard the horror stories and perhaps feel that they
must be fierce to be heard - perhaps that is true of a lot of places
i did not know the staff i reacted to - and for all i knew i could have been
ignoring the most caring doctor in sydney because of my preconceived ideas
- that is a handicap really (one i'm still working on)
i hope this sheds some light on why people sometimes behave like that.....i
think they are frightened of being treated badly even in the midst of being
treated well.
with kind regards
tracy
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