Hi,
Fellow Listers,
I�ve
been a silent observer of the list for a couple of months now and have
learnt heaps! Thanks to everyone.
I
just wanted to say that although I have no qualifications in baby care
except that of the mother of a one year-old, I must wholeheartedly support
Pinky�s excellent explanation of why controlled crying isn�t a good option.
A young baby�s only way of communicating is to cry. If they�re crying,
there�s something they are telling you and it�s usually hunger, wet nappy or
some other discomfort that thorough investigation will always find. If their
communication is ignored, the message sent to them is that they may as well
not communicate. I don�t need to state what a detrimental message that
is.
I�m
currently in the throes of launching an agency that specialises in overnight
care of babies and I want my nannies to understand this and for this to be
absolute policy. I therefore look forward to meeting you, Pinky, at Kidzexpo
on Saturday with a view to perhaps organising some workshops for my nannies
with this in mind.
Sincerely,
Lyn
Cottee
-----Original
Message-----
From:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Pinky McKay
Sent: Tuesday, 20 August 2002 10:47
PM
To:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Controlled
Crying
Hi
Darren
For
goodness sakes get them a copy of 100 Ways to Calm the Crying - and read it
yourselfBEFORE you have your bub - you can order it from my website - www.pinky-mychild.com
Now I
have been so blatant - Controlled Crying is actually very unsafe for a
baby this young -Training babies to sleep too soundly, too early is a SIDS
risk . Babies need to be able to arouse if they are too hot, too cold, have
a breathing obstruction (all SIDS risks) .
Controlled Crying
is also bad for bonding (for both parent and child) and; according to
a Harvard study actually alters the physiology of the brain (rather
like a trauma response) predisposing the child to later anxiety and
depression. Controlled crying/ parent directed feeding/ strict routines are
also associated with failure to thrive (ref to all these in '100
Ways to Calm the Crying" - sorry its late and I am trying to meet
a deadline so dont have time to look them all up right now -but couldnt let
this pass without a vent)
i personally
see controlled crying at any age to be an abusive practice - imagine landing
in a strange country, not knowing the language and being thirsty or hungry -
or simply needing reassurance - and finding yourself unable to communicate
your needs - we only have to put ourselves in our babies bootees for a
moment - if our own feelings dont scream out loud and clear that THIS DOESNT
FEEl RIGHT!
I
keep hearing of babies only a few weeks old being "sleep trained" - this is
very cruel - these tiny beings have just entered a world so different from
the womb - we are the adults here -it is up to us to protect babies
senses and meet their needs for love and emotional well-being as well as
food -and, remember, a newborns stomach is around the size of a ping
pong ball - it doesnt matter what it is fed it will only stay full a very
short time - around two hours from the bEGINNING of a feed to the next
one.
For
me personally, the issue is that we can "control" some babies (teach
them to give up because there is no point trying to make a difference - and
how many adults do you know like this?) but this means that we end up seeing
babies as little objects to be fixed - later, as they grow into more feisty
children we seek more quick fixes like "behaviour management" - instead of
seeing the whole issue as one of a relationship -which we need to establish
through bonding and mutual respect - children learn what they live - and
behave as well as they are treated.
It is
far easier and much more enjoyable to put in the "hard yards" and
learn a baby's cues and teach her the world is safe in the beginning than to
chase our tails later as we keep on trying to learn the next fad thing to
stay in control as we deal with night terrors and clinginess because our
kids feel insecure.
I
guess there are a lot of unreal expectations around babies feeding and
sleeping and very little support for mums and dads, possibly because we dont
always ask for help - set up your networks for support BEFORE you
have your baby - freeze meals and simplfy your life - plan your BABYMOON,
Darren - AROUND the baby's needs as well as your own - it is tiring but the
baby shouldnt be the one to pay.
Be
open to receiving support - most of us feel privileged to be asked and
EVERYONE can share the magic of a baby.
Best
wishes with your own bub.
Pinky
