----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, August 20, 2002 10:16
PM
Subject: [ozmidwifery] Controlled
Crying
Hi Darren
For goodness sakes get them a copy of 100 Ways
to Calm the Crying - and read it yourselfBEFORE you have your bub - you can
order it from my website - www.pinky-mychild.com
Now I have been so blatant - Controlled Crying
is actually very unsafe for a baby this young -Training babies to sleep
too soundly, too early is a SIDS risk . Babies need to be able to arouse if
they are too hot, too cold, have a breathing obstruction (all SIDS risks)
.
Controlled Crying is also bad for bonding (for
both parent and child) and; according to a Harvard study actually
alters the physiology of the brain (rather like a trauma response)
predisposing the child to later anxiety and depression. Controlled crying/
parent directed feeding/ strict routines are also associated with failure to
thrive (ref to all these in '100 Ways to Calm the Crying" - sorry
its late and I am trying to meet a deadline so dont have time to look them
all up right now -but couldnt let this pass without a vent)
i personally see controlled crying at any
age to be an abusive practice - imagine landing in a strange country, not
knowing the language and being thirsty or hungry - or simply needing
reassurance - and finding yourself unable to communicate your needs - we
only have to put ourselves in our babies bootees for a moment - if our own
feelings dont scream out loud and clear that THIS DOESNT FEEl
RIGHT!
I keep hearing of babies only a few weeks old
being "sleep trained" - this is very cruel - these tiny beings have just
entered a world so different from the womb - we are the adults here
-it is up to us to protect babies senses and meet their needs for love and
emotional well-being as well as food -and, remember, a newborns
stomach is around the size of a ping pong ball - it doesnt matter what it is
fed it will only stay full a very short time - around two hours from the
bEGINNING of a feed to the next one.
For me personally, the issue is that we
can "control" some babies (teach them to give up because there is no point
trying to make a difference - and how many adults do you know like this?)
but this means that we end up seeing babies as little objects to be fixed -
later, as they grow into more feisty children we seek more quick fixes like
"behaviour management" - instead of seeing the whole issue as one of a
relationship -which we need to establish through bonding and mutual respect
- children learn what they live - and behave as well as they are treated.
It is far easier and much
more enjoyable to put in the "hard yards" and learn a baby's cues
and teach her the world is safe in the beginning than to chase our tails
later as we keep on trying to learn the next fad thing to stay in control as
we deal with night terrors and clinginess because our kids feel
insecure.
I guess there are a lot of unreal expectations
around babies feeding and sleeping and very little support for mums and
dads, possibly because we dont always ask for help - set up your
networks for support BEFORE you have your baby - freeze meals and simplfy
your life - plan your BABYMOON, Darren - AROUND the baby's needs as well as
your own - it is tiring but the baby shouldnt be the one to
pay.
Be open to receiving support - most of us feel
privileged to be asked and EVERYONE can share the magic of a
baby.
Best wishes with your own bub.
Pinky
