[ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying

[Pinky McKay]

Hi Darren For goodness sakes get them a copy of 100 Ways to Calm the Crying - and read it yourselfBEFORE you have your bub - you can order it from my website - www.pinky-mychild.com Now I have been so blatant - Controlled Crying is actually very unsafe for a baby this young -Training babies to sleep too soundly, too early is a SIDS risk . Babies need to be able to arouse if they are too hot, too cold, have a breathing obstruction (all SIDS risks) .   Controlled Crying is also bad for bonding (for both parent and child) and; according to a Harvard study actually alters the physiology of the brain (rather like a trauma response) predisposing the child to later anxiety and depression. Controlled crying/ parent directed feeding/ strict routines are also associated with failure to thrive (ref to all these in '100 Ways to Calm the Crying" - sorry its late and I am trying to meet a deadline so dont have time to look them all up right now -but couldnt let this pass without a vent)      i personally see controlled crying at any age to be an abusive practice - imagine landing in a strange country, not knowing the language and being thirsty or hungry - or simply needing reassurance - and finding yourself unable to communicate your needs - we only have to put ourselves in our babies bootees for a moment - if our own feelings dont scream out loud and clear that THIS DOESNT FEEl RIGHT!   I keep hearing of babies only a few weeks old being "sleep trained" - this is very cruel - these tiny beings have just entered a world so different from the womb  - we are the adults here -it is up to us to protect babies senses and meet their needs for love and emotional well-being as well as food  -and, remember, a newborns stomach is around the size of a ping pong ball - it doesnt matter what it is fed it will only stay full a very short time - around two hours from the bEGINNING of a feed to the next one.   For me personally, the issue is that we can "control" some babies (teach them to give up because there is no point trying to make a difference - and how many adults do you know like this?) but this means that we end up seeing babies as little objects to be fixed - later, as they grow into more feisty children we seek more quick fixes like "behaviour management" - instead of seeing the whole issue as one of a relationship -which we need to establish through bonding and mutual respect - children learn what they live - and behave as well as they are treated.   It is far easier and much more enjoyable to put in the "hard yards" and learn a baby's cues and teach her the world is safe in the beginning than to chase our tails later as we keep on trying to learn the next fad thing to stay in control as we deal with night terrors and clinginess because our kids feel insecure.   I guess there are a lot of unreal expectations around babies feeding and sleeping and very little support for mums and dads, possibly because we dont always ask for help -  set up your networks for support BEFORE you have your baby - freeze meals and simplfy your life - plan your BABYMOON, Darren - AROUND the baby's needs as well as your own - it is tiring but the baby shouldnt be the one to pay.   Be open to receiving support - most of us feel privileged to be asked and EVERYONE can share the magic of a baby.   Best wishes with your own bub. Pinky