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Hi Pinky,
Eat lots of apples too they will help to cleanse your system a
bit. Hope all goes well for you.
What you are saying about the isolation is so very true and it
has got to a point where people are too afraid to offer help -
A - just in case the Mother feels that you think she is not
coping - don't want to offend her.
B - Just in case she is in so much need of help that you can't
help enough
C - To interfere with things may look rude.
The compasion and support mothers used to give each other is
gone
The understanding is not there - it is all very competative (The
media has a lot to answer for here) Having the perfectly behaved
toddler and a baby that sleep all night and a child who doesn't answer
back is all importnant.
The normal things like answering back and sibling rivalry have
been pulled apart and disected and analised so much that there are so
many experts who say don't smack, don't yell, don't be emotional about
parenting - Don't molly codle and over cuddle - -They have forgoten to
say any Do's.
My mother said to me when i rang her absolutely bursting with joy
- I had held my 2 week old prem baby for 10 mins (her first cuddle), I
was so happy and I said - "I didn't want to put her back." My
Mum's reply was, "Oh Now then - you will spoil her!" I was
horrified - I was being judged as a bad mother (to spoil my child who
was 2 weeks old) I already had guilt feeling of having to have
her torn from my stomach at 27 weeks because i had failed at carrying
her to term and she had been on ventilators and close to death
and was still seriously ill in NICU and then a 10 min cuddle which I
didn't want to ever end was going to spoil her. How could I ever
pick her up again without wondering if that was going to be too
much.
Then each time I sat and expressed there was a poster can't
remember the exact words - it had a photo of a woman with her baby in
a sling and said how women in Africa carry their babies on their
backs and at the breast all day in slings - their babies hardly ever
cry and grow to be very secure children - How can we help
our babies not to cry so much? This poster touched me and I
realised at that point that no amount of cuddles could spoil a
child.
I would look at that and decided then that I would never leave my
baby to cry itself to sleep alone.
So maybe more women need to be reminded of that simple
fact!
Regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Saturday,
March 15, 2003 17:57:21
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep through the night"!!!
Hi Rhonda
yes you are lucky to be away from the chemicals and smog
-youve got me thinking - 2 emergency hospital visits in two weeks for
allergic reactions to food - I bet my whole system is overloaded -am
eating veges and rice til I see an allergy spec next week.
I do remember working with mothercraft nurses (actually
Karitane nurses as they were called in New Zealand way back then -
dont know if NZ still has them) -great help to mums.
Guess its another case of economic rationalism gone silly - maybe
with the help early mums wouldnt all end up in sleep schools. I just
visited my daughters friend in Private hosp with new bub last week and
thought how isolated she really was in her flash single room watching
TV - notice on the wall announced the times to watch the parenting
video -I guess that was done in isolation too. Perhaps that is what
some mums want but by being so separate from other women how do they
role model ie from more experienced mums/ get a taste of sharing
experiences and feelings/ how do they know their own feelings are
normal ?
Also just realised last night that I have been taking family
members to a psychiatrist for the past almost 5 years (same guy) this
guy is probably a fine medical Dr but he is also director of a mother
baby unit so psecialises in PND - My lightbulb moment was that not
once in all this time has he asked me "how are YOU managing? What
support do you have? " Makes me wonder whether mums are simply offered
babytraining as a cure or whether they are actually shown how to
develop a support network -and how vital this is.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, March 15, 2003
4:59 PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery]
"failure to sleep through the night"!!!
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This is all since the Mothercraft nurses were taken out
of the hospital system - our training was nothing like
nursing and we did look at these sleep schools and see
the dangers of it all. They were just sort of starting
up when i was studying and we looked at times where
they were and were not appropriate... and the support that
parents needed and were not getting from the Health system - i
found with my son even the infant welfare Nurse was hard to
get to and not much help to me.
The support often given in the hospital by
the Mothercraft who did not have the nursing duties and who
specialised in helping mothers to do all the things that - I
was never ever shown by a nurse during my hospital stay but
taught many mothers during my training and i guess many other
Mothers are not told or shown these things as the nurses I
worked with had no idea - I had to teach one nurse how to bath
a baby (she was working there and I was the student!)
Unfortunately the basic mothercraft training is not even
done anymore.
I guess most people I know have had me to get in their
ear about how normal their kids are and how to chill out and
enjoy their babies etc.
And I am glad to live in the country and away from the
stench of Melbourne - the smog and chemicals in the air cannot
be healthy for anyone. LOL
regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date:
Saturday, March 15, 2003 14:33:45
Subject:
Re: [ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep through the
night"!!!
You obviously dont live in Melbourne, Rhonda - fully
booked "sleep schools" not only show the lack of confidence
women have in their own ability, but perpetuate these feelings
of inadequacy - that babies "should" behave / sleep whatever
and therefore mothers must follow these awful
perescriptive regimes - While I hear from mothers who
have "failed " sleep school, I also keep hearing from
professionals who believe they are saving large numbers of
families who are "falling apart" due to sleep deprivation by
sending them to "sleep school" some of these babies are VERY
young. I would be interested in a followup study - I am sure
all mothers need support -perhaps more doulas would be an
answer -not the sleep training kind!
I am saddened that the
maternal instinct to respond to babies is being so
clouded by these myths of the sleeping baby - and that
publishers keep the myth alive.
Pinky
I----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, March 14,
2003 10:51 PM
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep through the night"!!!
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I guess some women listen to it all but just as
well most mothers laugh at the "professionals" and
complain about the nurse saying this or the dr saying
that - what would they know etc.
Pity that it seems to be that way - but from what
I hear on the street ( at school and playgroup etc)
women walk out of hospital totally confused thinking
that the Nurses, Midwives and Dr's are all off a
different planet and have no idea about the reality of
being a parent. Not all - as there are always
exceptions but many!
Regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Friday, March 14, 2003
17:28:28
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep
through the night"!!!
I was just flicking through the
latest ANF Journal before chucking it out when the
title "Frequent feeding clue to disrupted infant
sleep"!! It was published in the "Archives of Disease
in Childhood" by M. Nikoloulou and I. St.
James-Roberts. These researchers identified "at risk"
infants during their first week of life which put them
at risk of failing to sleep through the night at 12
weeks of age!! Talk about turn normal physiology into
an abnormality. They say that babies that feed more
than 11 times per day at 1 week were 2.7 times more
likely not to sleep through. Duh, aren't they supposed
to be feeding frequently. There is no mention of the
failure to thrive rate between the "control" group and
the"behaviour program group". This program
included maximising the difference between day and
night, avoinding feeding and cuddling at night and
from the age of three weeks gradually delaying feeds
when the baby awoke at night!!
When will sense prevail. Those poor
women out there, they must be so confused with nurses
now taking that line.
Just annoyed
Jackie
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