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Hi Pinky,
Eat lots of apples too they will help to cleanse your system a
bit. Hope all goes well for you.
What you are saying about the isolation is so very true and it has
got to a point where people are too afraid to offer help -
A - just in case the Mother feels that you think she is not coping -
don't want to offend her.
B - Just in case she is in so much need of help that you can't help
enough
C - To interfere with things may look rude.
The compasion and support mothers used to give each other is
gone
The understanding is not there - it is all very competative (The
media has a lot to answer for here) Having the perfectly behaved
toddler and a baby that sleep all night and a child who doesn't answer
back is all importnant.
The normal things like answering back and sibling rivalry have been
pulled apart and disected and analised so much that there are so many
experts who say don't smack, don't yell, don't be emotional about
parenting - Don't molly codle and over cuddle - -They have forgoten to say
any Do's.
My mother said to me when i rang her absolutely bursting with joy - I
had held my 2 week old prem baby for 10 mins (her first cuddle), I was so
happy and I said - "I didn't want to put her back." My Mum's reply
was, "Oh Now then - you will spoil her!" I was horrified - I was
being judged as a bad mother (to spoil my child who was 2 weeks old)
I already had guilt feeling of having to have her torn from my
stomach at 27 weeks because i had failed at carrying her to term and
she had been on ventilators and close to death and was still
seriously ill in NICU and then a 10 min cuddle which I didn't want to ever
end was going to spoil her. How could I ever pick her up again
without wondering if that was going to be too much.
Then each time I sat and expressed there was a poster can't remember
the exact words - it had a photo of a woman with her baby in a sling and
said how women in Africa carry their babies on their backs and at the
breast all day in slings - their babies hardly ever cry and grow to
be very secure children - How can we help our babies not to cry so
much? This poster touched me and I realised at that point that no
amount of cuddles could spoil a child.
I would look at that and decided then that I would never leave my
baby to cry itself to sleep alone.
So maybe more women need to be reminded of that simple fact!
Regards
Rhonda.
-------Original Message-------
Date: Saturday, March
15, 2003 17:57:21
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep through the night"!!!
Hi Rhonda
yes you are lucky to be away from the chemicals and smog -youve
got me thinking - 2 emergency hospital visits in two weeks for allergic
reactions to food - I bet my whole system is overloaded -am eating veges
and rice til I see an allergy spec next week.
I do remember working with mothercraft nurses (actually Karitane
nurses as they were called in New Zealand way back then - dont know if NZ
still has them) -great help to mums.
Guess its another case of economic rationalism gone silly - maybe
with the help early mums wouldnt all end up in sleep schools. I just
visited my daughters friend in Private hosp with new bub last week and
thought how isolated she really was in her flash single room watching TV -
notice on the wall announced the times to watch the parenting video -I
guess that was done in isolation too. Perhaps that is what some mums want
but by being so separate from other women how do they role model ie from
more experienced mums/ get a taste of sharing experiences and
feelings/ how do they know their own feelings are normal ?
Also just realised last night that I have been taking family members
to a psychiatrist for the past almost 5 years (same guy) this guy is
probably a fine medical Dr but he is also director of a mother baby unit
so psecialises in PND - My lightbulb moment was that not once in all this
time has he asked me "how are YOU managing? What support do you have? "
Makes me wonder whether mums are simply offered babytraining as a cure or
whether they are actually shown how to develop a support network -and how
vital this is.
Pinky
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, March 15, 2003 4:59
PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] "failure
to sleep through the night"!!!
|
This is all since the Mothercraft nurses were taken out of
the hospital system - our training was nothing like
nursing and we did look at these sleep schools and see the
dangers of it all. They were just sort of starting up when i
was studying and we looked at times where they were and
were not appropriate... and the support that parents needed and
were not getting from the Health system - i found with my son even
the infant welfare Nurse was hard to get to and not much help to
me.
The support often given in the hospital by the
Mothercraft who did not have the nursing duties and who
specialised in helping mothers to do all the things that - I was
never ever shown by a nurse during my hospital stay but taught
many mothers during my training and i guess many other Mothers are
not told or shown these things as the nurses I worked with had no
idea - I had to teach one nurse how to bath a baby (she was
working there and I was the student!)
Unfortunately the basic mothercraft training is not even done
anymore.
I guess most people I know have had me to get in their ear
about how normal their kids are and how to chill out and enjoy
their babies etc.
And I am glad to live in the country and away from the stench
of Melbourne - the smog and chemicals in the air cannot be healthy
for anyone. LOL
regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Saturday,
March 15, 2003 14:33:45
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep through the night"!!!
You obviously dont live in Melbourne, Rhonda - fully booked
"sleep schools" not only show the lack of confidence women have in
their own ability, but perpetuate these feelings of inadequacy -
that babies "should" behave / sleep whatever and therefore
mothers must follow these awful perescriptive regimes -
While I hear from mothers who have "failed " sleep school, I
also keep hearing from professionals who believe they are
saving large numbers of families who are "falling apart" due to
sleep deprivation by sending them to "sleep school" some of these
babies are VERY young. I would be interested in a followup study -
I am sure all mothers need support -perhaps more doulas would
be an answer -not the sleep training kind!
I am saddened that the maternal
instinct to respond to babies is being so clouded by these
myths of the sleeping baby - and that publishers keep the myth
alive.
Pinky
I----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, March 14,
2003 10:51 PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery]
"failure to sleep through the night"!!!
|
I guess some women listen to it all but just as well
most mothers laugh at the "professionals" and complain
about the nurse saying this or the dr saying that - what
would they know etc.
Pity that it seems to be that way - but from what I
hear on the street ( at school and playgroup etc) women
walk out of hospital totally confused thinking that the
Nurses, Midwives and Dr's are all off a different planet
and have no idea about the reality of being a
parent. Not all - as there are always exceptions but
many!
Regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date:
Friday, March 14, 2003 17:28:28
Subject: [ozmidwifery] "failure to sleep
through the night"!!!
I was just flicking through the latest
ANF Journal before chucking it out when the title
"Frequent feeding clue to disrupted infant sleep"!! It was
published in the "Archives of Disease in Childhood" by M.
Nikoloulou and I. St. James-Roberts. These researchers
identified "at risk" infants during their first week of
life which put them at risk of failing to sleep through
the night at 12 weeks of age!! Talk about turn normal
physiology into an abnormality. They say that babies that
feed more than 11 times per day at 1 week were 2.7 times
more likely not to sleep through. Duh, aren't they
supposed to be feeding frequently. There is no mention of
the failure to thrive rate between the "control" group and
the"behaviour program group". This program included
maximising the difference between day and night, avoinding
feeding and cuddling at night and from the age of three
weeks gradually delaying feeds when the baby awoke at
night!!
When will sense prevail. Those poor
women out there, they must be so confused with nurses now
taking that line.
Just annoyed
Jackie
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