My husband was traumatized by my birth (and so was I). After the ob decided to use vaccuum extraction, he was sent out of the room and just listened to all what was happening. When our son (Vid) was born, he was called back into the room and was shocked with all the blood (they did an episiotomy), so I can understand the part in the article where the author writes about stress related to a threat to the physical integrity of oneself or others. On top of that, we didn't know if Vid was going to be OK (he was).
I remember consciously postponing analyzing what happened for about two months, when I finally started feeling less overwhelmed with taking care of my new baby and had some time to think about everything and talk about it with my husband. I was able to get over it, talking about it with my friends who had natural births helped very much, but my husband still feels uneasy when we talk about my birth. The ob told him right after birth to get me to listen to them more the next time (hahaha). Anyway, I haven't noticed any sexual problems :), then again, he didn't get to see the bulging vagina ;), but I think that the reason why some men might feel traumatized is because women's bodies are so sexualized - just as we lost the link between breasts and brestfeeding and it's disturbing for some to see a woman's breast in a baby's mouth, maybe the link between vagina and giving birth is also lost. But that's what they are for, when you really think about it. I am so grateful for my breasts now, I see them in a totally different way, it is just amazing what they can do. I suppose women who had a natural birth feel the same way about their reproductive organs and the whole body. Plus, the nature never intended for women to birth in a litothomy position. I mean, when a woman gives birth in a different position, I guess it's not that easy to see the bulging part :), or is it? I agree with what everyone else wrote about the setting, interventions, being an observer, energy and so on. Vedrana -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Dean & Jo Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2005 8:51 AM To: [email protected] Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Men at births Personally Andrea, my hubby was far more traumatized by my second birth -my episiotomies vbac- than my horrific cs of my first. It wasn't until I had my third did he truly understand what I was on about. He was mute with the first. Scared sh*tless with the second. He laughed and cried with our last. The energy in the room really influenced how he interpreted the event. I also, in my role of a doula, I find dads looking for some kind of reassurance that everything is okay. I often say, isn't it amazing what your partners body can do? I never say anything in the negative about bulging vulvas or the stretched peris...just how brilliant women's bodies are. As a woman, I would love to expereince a birth of one of my children in the company of just other women. I think it would be amazing. Amazing amazing ...why is it I use that word so often when talking about birth!? jo -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Andrea Robertson Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2005 10:26 AM To: [email protected] Subject: [ozmidwifery] Men at births This is an interesting report in today's Sydney Morning Herald. I remember Michel Odent talking about research done in the US that explored the effect on a couple's sexual relationship when the man had been exposed to the birth process. Michel was advocating that women might want to retain some of their "sexual mystery" by excluding men from the birth room. I have been at births where I wondered how the father was taking the sight of a practitioner cutting an episiotomy..... What does everyone think about this? http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2005/08/30/1125302566185.html Regards, Andrea ----- Andrea Robertson Birth International * ACE Graphics * Associates in Childbirth Education e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] web: www.birthinternational.com -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. -- No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.10.17/85 - Release Date: 8/30/2005 -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.10.17/85 - Release Date: 8/30/2005 -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
