Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm
positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
foyer!'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to Spain ; they named him 'Juan'. The other went to a family in
Egypt and was named 'Ahmal'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry Payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to
'persuade' them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good!) 'super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis'.
10. And finally... there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
