----------------------------------------------------------- New Message on Pituitary Chat
----------------------------------------------------------- From: Azzulerya Message 8 in Discussion Before I was diagnosed with the tumor, I went through a period of major depression where I briefly considered suicide, but then I thought about my son and my belief in God --that life is precious to him. My reasons for being in such a low state were situational... essentially I had lost my religion based on a misunderstanding (long story). Perhaps part of me wondered if God even cared about me anymore, but I knew that thought was irrational -- what had happened was not due to him, but due to the acts of imperfect men, and perhaps he foresaw something that I had not. Then I got the tumor, and it brought to mind the scripture: "Time and unforseen occurrence befall us all." This also is not something of God's doing, but something more likely the result of imperfect men who have polluted the earth, or through our imperfections due to inherent sin. Knowing that there is a promise that things will not be like this forever has helped. Not to get all religious, as everyone has their own beliefs, but this line of thinking has helped me in thinking through suicidal thoughts. Then you must really concider how it will affect those around us, even if they don't understand our illness. I know for a fact my son would not want me to die... I would have to ask myself what his life would be like if I committed the selfish act. And yes, I said it at the risk of being unpopular... suicide is a selfish act. How would my parents feel? They've already been devastated enough with the loss of a grandchild this past year. Yes, sometimes I feel like I've not been the mother I should be because of my previous depression and now the apathy. I think about the apathy often. I hate it. And feeling like you are not the parent you should be brings on major guilt and self-hate. But I have to say, we can also find rainbows in the apathy. Sometimes there are things I've noticed would have effected me differently in a bad way if it weren't for the apathy making me feel like "I just don't care..." There are situations where that feeling actually comes in handy! I keep searching for the rainbows and reaching out for the hope of a brighter tomorrow... however long it may take for tomorrow to get here. Love, hugs and prayers of hope! Azzule (Elizabeth) ----------------------------------------------------------- To stop getting this e-mail, or change how often it arrives, go to your E-mail Settings. http://groups.msn.com/Pituitarychat/_emailsettings.msnw Need help? If you've forgotten your password, please go to Passport Member Services. http://groups.msn.com/_passportredir.msnw?ppmprop=help For other questions or feedback, go to our Contact Us page. http://groups.msn.com/contact If you do not want to receive future e-mail from this MSN group, or if you received this message by mistake, please click the "Remove" link below. On the pre-addressed e-mail message that opens, simply click "Send". Your e-mail address will be deleted from this group's mailing list. mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
