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New Message on Pituitary Chat

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From: mikkiscookin
Message 13 in Discussion


oh willard  you will be in my prayers...i wish you strength my dear 
friend......................
 

In a message dated 8/15/2008 12:52:32 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, 
[EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
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New 
  Message on Pituitary 
  Chat

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From: 
  Willard1H
Message 12 in Discussion

"You are an incredibly strong 
  person, and I admire you."

Hi, Tumor-Boy,

Your comment puzzled 
  me, wondering which message you were replying to, among all the terrific 
  posts. I admire each of our strong people who face the issue of suicide in 
  this discussion.

But I hope you're not referring to me as 'strong.' I 
  often feel like I'm in the evil hands of...  this disease, the powerful 
  medication, and now the throes of hormone replacement therapy. I don't feel 
  'strong' in resisting those suicidal urges.  Earlier this week I felt 
  'strong' in my resolve to take the plunge and end in all. I stopped by and 
  bought "the $20 Wal-Mart Suicide Kit." I 'strongly' wrote my last thoughts, 
  putting wallet and key ring on the message. Then, lights out. But a hose in 
my 
  apparatus slipped out, and there I was minutes later, alive and well. Yet, 
  even still breathing and now facing the same overwhelming pressures, I won't 
  admit I attempted suicide in a 'weak moment.' But I agree that it was a 
  selfish episode, one in which I did not think of loved ones or even fellow 
  Pitters on this message board. I apologize for that. 

My church knows 
  about my failed attempt, and they've promised to give my some financial 
  assistance. I hope they're not expecting me to erupt with "Hallelujahs" and 
  pleas from forgiveness. I don't see suicide as The Unforgivable Sin.  
  Christianity Today asks, "Will Jesus welcome home a believer who died at her 
  own hands?" Their author answers, "I believe he will, tenderly and lovingly." 
  The stigma seems to be subsiding in many religions, as in secular society. 
And 
  no, I won't give the details on the mechanism I attempted to use. Amazon.com 
  may be wondering why they sell so many of this toy kit, noting on its page, 
  "Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought"  the suicide 
  manual!

My act wasn't a moment of depression or extreme emotion, but 
  was coldly thought out. Oh, there was some emotion... I talked beforehand 
with 
  a friend who will be taking me to my endocrinologist this Tuesday. He could 
  tell I wasn't behaving like myself, when I said I was 'rescheduling' the 
  appointment. I didn't plan to be alive for it.

Believe me, my endo and 
  I are going to have a serious talk about all the side effects (from 
  cabergoline and the 'steroid' injections). It's scary, knowing we're so 
  affected by our tumors and the treatments.

Wish me luck on my upcoming 
  appointment!

Willard


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