Re: [QUAD-L] I was right, men suck

[Stacy Harim]

Dave,   I'm sorry that you are in your situation.  I know where you are coming from.  I fortunately was able to find a place to live, but was in a rehab facility that was basically a nursing home with rehab.  Everyone was much older.  The staff sucked.  I couldn't get up without help and had a very hard time getting anyone to come to my room.  I did not have internet access and only got a couple of channels on the television.  I have also have a very undependable family. If you only knew. I have 3 brothers.  The oldest doesn't talk to anyone at all.  My half brother is in jail and has been since he was 19. He's 34 now.  He's only been out twice and screwed up and had to go back.  The youngest is in and out of jail all the time.  He's constantly losing his place to live and always has problems.  He lives around the corner from me and I have to deal with everything when it comes to him.  I have to listen to him complain about his poor life.  It pisses me off because I am not his Mother.  She lives in Florida.  We are in Maryland.  She has had a stroke and never fully recovered.  She is in so much debt that she can't make it here.  I haven't seen her in over 2 years.  I have a Dad that will give me money once in a while if I am desperate, but forget emotional support.  Other than that, I have no other family.  They are all nuts so we don�t talk.  That's my Dad's side.  My Moms side is all only children for the last couple of generations so there isn't anything there.    I have also lost my friends.  There going to stick around if they want to and it doesn't matter where you are.                                      I am not in my situation because of luck.  I busted my ass to be where I am.  I was literally days from a nursing home and I made so much damn noise that no one was going to forget who I was.  I hope that you are doing the same thing.  My situation was unacceptable and I made sure that I let my representatives know that.  Once I got into my house, I couldn't get rental assistance because it was above the payment standard for HUD.  My rent was just about as much as my check.  It was like living in a prison in my own home because I didn't have money to do anything at all.  Again, I fought like hell and got help.  Now the year is up and they took it away so I have to start all over again.   I get the feeling that you think that I am complaining when I shared my feelings with the list.  I have not had anyone in my life in quite sometime and it takes a lot for me to open my heart.  I did and he really hurt it.  I was excited when the short relationship started.  I shared that with the list because it was new, exciting and my first relationship since I have been in the chair.  When it ended, I turned to the list to share my feelings.  I did not dwell on it or keep complaining. That post was the only time I said anything about it.  My heart still hurts because I know that he still cares, but can't handle it.  I am far from dwelling on it.   What have you been doing to get out of your situation?  Are you writing letters, calling news stations, contacting news papers, checking up on the status of your letters with your representatives and or calling them?  The only thing you can do at this point is do those things.  That is what I did when I was in rehab.  I was so busy while I was in rehab I was exhausted.  If I had 5 mins in between therapists, my OT would give me 10 so I could make calls.  I spent my time for lunch writing letters and calling.  It all finally paid off.  Now I am going to school and pulling my life together.     I can only hope that you will start to feel better about yourself.  You sound like you have given up and you feel the nursing home is your destiny.  It's not.  If you keep the attitude that you have now, you will never get out of there.  I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I have heard you talk about being in the nursing home and it sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself.  If you aren't,  I apologize.   If you are, you are letting them win.  You should change your attitude, get mad and fight.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    c   Stacy   "People who hate you do not win unless you hate them. Then you destroy yourself" ----- Original Message ----- From: dave headman To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ; [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 12:46 PM Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I was right, men suck better to have loved and lost than to never haved loved at all. that sentiment may seem a little trite at the end of a relationship but it's  absolutely true. i have never been, nor will i ever be in love. all my friends have long since dissappeared. family is absolutely undependabe. this is my dead end street. imagine wanting somthing to eat, and getting it. wanting to go somwhere and going there. these are luxuries i can only dream of. if you look at my glass as being half full, i'm not being abused, i have cable tv, i'm not in any pain, my roomate is comatose and i have internet access. wow! waking up every morning have nothing to look forward to, having no prospects. just taking up space, wasting everybodys time & resourses. so keep on complaining. mabe you'll be able to see the forrest through the trees.   dave headman c4-25yrs post -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Aug 24, 2004 7:04 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Cc: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I was right, men suck In a message dated 06/08/2004 08:28:11 GMT Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: I am shocked after all the shit (honesty) that was flown around here when Mike and I were talking and during his visit.  He decided to cop out of the relationship he wanted to start on Monday.  His visit was supposed to happen Friday.  He said at first it wasn't fair to me and when I told him that what was going on is what I expected he said that he can't be with me all the time and he can't handle that.  I did my best to protect my heart this time and told him that if he thought for one second that he may not be able to handle it then do not come visit me.  I reminded him of it.  I have been a mess all week about it and now I am through shedding tears.  I know I am sick of being alone but I am even more sick of my heart getting broken by men that think they can handle a relationship with me but really can't.  I have been trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong to make all these men keep hurting me. I no sooner get over one and then another one comes along and does this to me.  Thank God I find out in the beginning how they are but my God, stop fu..ing with my heart.  I figure I am doing the right thing by taking my time before I open my heart to these people and then this.  I guess I was right before and I am destined to be alone.  I sure am ruined for sometime before I can trust another man.  It's not even that I lost Mike, it's that I fu...ed up and trusted someone.  I believed what he said when he said that he really liked me and wanted to see where it could go.  He had the nerve to leave me a message when he got home that he was excited to see where it could go.  I know that I am better than to trust someone and let them hurt me and will be careful who I open my heart and home for.  I made sure that I told him that he lost what could have been the best thing that has ever happened to him and he sucks for not letting himself be happy.  I know it's not the disability because he works in the field plus I was honest with him about what I think he should have known so he came into this with his eyes wide open.    I now retract my apology for saying that men suck because they do except for you men because you are my friends and my friends don?t suck.  So I am not bashing you guys.  Thanks for reading my rambling if you did not give up on reading this half way through. Stacy   "People who hate you do not win unless you hate them. Then you destroy yourself" Stacy,   How are you doing now?????  Hope your well!  I'm really sorry to hear about Mike, his lost out on a fantastic lady in his life!  Everyone really does have a prince and princess out there in the world, it's just really tough finding them.  But until you find your prince stick to my saying - shut your ears males!!  "Men are bastards - nothing more nothing less".  Okay thats not entirely true, the guys on here are pretty cool, they show us that there really are some caring, lovely guys out there   Keep your chin high,   Love Smurf xxx