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Yeah this sounds familiar,
I tried to get people to do thanksgiving here this year for the 1st time since my accident but "nobody" wanted to.
Last year I planned a superbowl party and had everything set up and watched it with my aid.
They don't understand how much easier it is on us especially if it's a late event. Imean after a long day you have to drive home and then get started on getting layed down it's just so much easier being at home if something comes undone or maybe an unfortunate accident and these things tend to happen at the most inconveniet places and times.
If they don't get it now they never will and unless they're the ones dealing with it they don't understand how easy it is for things to go wrong.
Carma always has it's day!
Mark
-------Original Message-------
Date: 12/26/05 04:12:42
Subject: [QUAD-L] celebrations
Does this sound familiar?
For years my family had all celebrations and gatherings at their homes. When Gabe had his injury I insisted that some should be here. Over the past ten years it has been like I was begging. I would explain all the issues- access to the house, toilet, ----. I won them into coming over here now and again. Over the past couple years they started saying we had too many holidays over here. Of course for them they only count Christmas & Thanksgiving. They do not count birthdays, family reunions or just plain get togethers that occur at their houses. When it comes to big family gatherings I am just speaking French. I am ashamed. I would go to some activities because I wouldnt see family from out of town otherwise. Gabe would stay home or find other things to do. No one in the family ever asked, seemed concerned, they just wanted to do their thing. I have explained and bugged so much. This has been an ongoing war and I just do not understand how they cant understand. We can use a portable ramp on one house. The rest are really inaccessible. I am also ashamed that we have lifted Gabe and his chair into houses. He was very unhappy about this so it stopped. However, they do not understand the problems with lifting chairs despite me explaining it and continue to say we should do it.
Gabe has not really been part of the war. I guess I felt his isolation from family events was enough.
Well I just got tired of the games, the pleading and Gabe still not being able to be a part of our family. I gave my sister all of the gifts when she came over to get them on the 23rd so they could open the gifts at her house on Christmas. This broke the camels back. I explained the problem to her one more time. We even gave her an outline so she could read about Gabes needs. Her responses blew me away. So I told her she no longer had a sister. We were no longer part of the family and we would not participate in any family celebrations. We would develop a new group to celebrate with and be around. She was blown away and acted like she hadnt heard this stuff before.
Was I too harsh? I just couldnt play there game anymore and leave Gabe out.
What do you guys do?
Lana,
Gabes mom 10 years post, C4-5
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