I get "Chicken Soup for the Soul"
everyday in my Inbox via e-mail. This mornings (pasted below) was
just so timely with the current thread of discussion. Think of
how much difference it would make if we spoke of our boys' positives once
in a while, not just the negatives.
In His Grip,
DJ
Positive Reinforcement
By Rich Kornoelje
Several years ago I served as an assistant principal
in a large public high school of fourteen hundred students.
I found many aspects of my responsibilities both enjoyable
and rewarding, however, there was little joy or
satisfaction in supervising the three lunch periods each
day. Making sure students were diligent in picking up
their lunch trays, not smearing mashed potatoes on one
another, or sticking peas on the ceiling or on their
neighbors were not high on my list of "professional" things
to do.
Days prior to vacation periods were particularly bad
times in the cafeteria. It was on one of these days that I
observed a student spill his milk. What a mess. It was
all down the front of him, on the table, on the bench and
on the floor. I quickly diverted my attention elsewhere
and watched him out of the corner of my eye with my
superior peripheral vision. I knew this guy would try to
escape, leaving someone else (like me) to clean up the
mess. Well, I had this guy's number and as soon as he
stepped one foot outside of the cafeteria, he was going to
get his. I would make him clean up everyone else's mess
for the day so he could see how much fun it could be.
I slyly watched as he began his escape. To my
surprise he approached the snack bar upon which I was
leaning and gathered several napkins and returned to the
scene of the crime. After wiping up the table, he got on
his hands and knees and wiped up the bench and then the
floor. Making his way to the exit, he deposited the soggy
mess in the proper receptacle and left the cafeteria.
After regaining my composure, I quickly followed the
young man out into the hallway. I asked him his name,
thanked him for his consideration and commended him for
being so conscientious. He replied, "No problem," and went
on his way. The thought crossed my mind to contact his
home, and I determined to do it later that day.
It was a little after 5:00 P.M. when I opened my car
door to go home. It suddenly occurred to me that I had
forgotten to contact the parents. My first thought was to
call the next day, but then I thought better of it and went
back to my office. After pulling his enrollment card, I
went to my phone and dialed the number listed. After a few
rings a lady answered.
"Hi. This Rich Kornoelje calling from the high
school."
I heard a hard swallow (or maybe it was a gulp) on the
other end and realized that the only time I ever contacted
parents was when there was trouble or bad news. I quickly
said, "Your son showed me something today that really
demonstrated some good upbringing..." I then went on to
relay the story.
At first there was silence. Then I could hear a few
sniffles, followed by some sobs. After gaining her
composure, the mom said, "You will never in your entire
lifetime realize what your phone call has meant to me. My
husband left me several years ago and I have had to raise
this young man by myself, and it is so hard. I know how he
behaves at home with me, but I always wonder about his
behavior away from home. You will never know how much your
phone call has done for me."
That phone call was a life-changing experience for me.
Since that time many years ago, I have purposed to make at
least one positive contact with parents per week and urge -
not require - my teachers to do the same. We strive to
make contact with the parents of a student who is not often
praised for his or her actions. The parents are happy, the
student does well with positive reinforcement, the teacher
is blessed and everybody wins.
Positive Reinforcement
By Rich Kornoelje
Several years ago I served as an assistant principal
in a large public high school of fourteen hundred students.
I found many aspects of my responsibilities both enjoyable
and rewarding, however, there was little joy or
satisfaction in supervising the three lunch periods each
day. Making sure students were diligent in picking up
their lunch trays, not smearing mashed potatoes on one
another, or sticking peas on the ceiling or on their
neighbors were not high on my list of "professional" things
to do.
Days prior to vacation periods were particularly bad
times in the cafeteria. It was on one of these days that I
observed a student spill his milk. What a mess. It was
all down the front of him, on the table, on the bench and
on the floor. I quickly diverted my attention elsewhere
and watched him out of the corner of my eye with my
superior peripheral vision. I knew this guy would try to
escape, leaving someone else (like me) to clean up the
mess. Well, I had this guy's number and as soon as he
stepped one foot outside of the cafeteria, he was going to
get his. I would make him clean up everyone else's mess
for the day so he could see how much fun it could be.
I slyly watched as he began his escape. To my
surprise he approached the snack bar upon which I was
leaning and gathered several napkins and returned to the
scene of the crime. After wiping up the table, he got on
his hands and knees and wiped up the bench and then the
floor. Making his way to the exit, he deposited the soggy
mess in the proper receptacle and left the cafeteria.
After regaining my composure, I quickly followed the
young man out into the hallway. I asked him his name,
thanked him for his consideration and commended him for
being so conscientious. He replied, "No problem," and went
on his way. The thought crossed my mind to contact his
home, and I determined to do it later that day.
It was a little after 5:00 P.M. when I opened my car
door to go home. It suddenly occurred to me that I had
forgotten to contact the parents. My first thought was to
call the next day, but then I thought better of it and went
back to my office. After pulling his enrollment card, I
went to my phone and dialed the number listed. After a few
rings a lady answered.
"Hi. This Rich Kornoelje calling from the high
school."
I heard a hard swallow (or maybe it was a gulp) on the
other end and realized that the only time I ever contacted
parents was when there was trouble or bad news. I quickly
said, "Your son showed me something today that really
demonstrated some good upbringing..." I then went on to
relay the story.
At first there was silence. Then I could hear a few
sniffles, followed by some sobs. After gaining her
composure, the mom said, "You will never in your entire
lifetime realize what your phone call has meant to me. My
husband left me several years ago and I have had to raise
this young man by myself, and it is so hard. I know how he
behaves at home with me, but I always wonder about his
behavior away from home. You will never know how much your
phone call has done for me."
That phone call was a life-changing experience for me.
Since that time many years ago, I have purposed to make at
least one positive contact with parents per week and urge -
not require - my teachers to do the same. We strive to
make contact with the parents of a student who is not often
praised for his or her actions. The parents are happy, the
student does well with positive reinforcement, the teacher
is blessed and everybody wins.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly Gist" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 15, 2002 4:30 PM
Subject: Re: [RR] ADD, Chemical Imbalances, and The
Rod.
> FIGURE, AND KID DIFFERENT THAN MINE STRUCK ME...IN OUR OP, WE ALSO HAVE HAD
> A NUMBER OF BOYS WHO WERE PHYSICALLY ABUSED AND YES YOU DO KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
> NOW MANY THESE BOYS ACT UP LIKE AN ADD/ADHD TYPE CHILD AND PLEASE IF NOTHING
> ELSE CONSIDER THAT WHEN WORKING WITH A "HYPEROTIC" CHILD. TRULY,IT MAY BE
> SOMETHING THEY CANNOT CONTROL,OR THEY NEED OUR TENDER GUIDENCE TO HELP THEM
> GAIN THAT CONTROL.
>
> TREAD CAREFULLY GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, THESE ARE TENDER AND OFTIMES WOUNDED
> HEARTS WE ARE DEALING WITH HERE. THESE CHILDREN, BOTH THE ABUSED AND THE
> ADD/ADHD ALREADY FEEL WORTHLESS, DON'T LET US ADD TO THAT PACK OF LIES THAT
> THEY'VE BEEN FED AND ARE FEEDING THEMSELVES.
>
> BLESS YOU ALL,
>
> KELLY GIST
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: "Jeff & Ellrena Ortner" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> >To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> >Subject: Re: [RR] ADD, Chemical Imbalances, and The Rod.
> >Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 01:00:02 -0500
> >
> >clint grant wrote
> >I have formulated my own theory on the matter, based upon four things: my
> >limited knowledge of the subject,
> >
> ><>< I would have to agree with that
> >
> >Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that ADD could either be a result
> >of chemical imbalance due to the lack of proper discipline in the home, or
> >not a chemical imbalance at all, just poor behavior from not raising kids
> >right. This is the only explanation and conclusion that I can draw from
> >the evidence and the only one I have found that is supported by God's Word.
> >
> >This is the biggest bunch of crock that I ever heard
> >My son has this problem and he receives much love, patience, and
> >understanding, and discipline. I have even been told that I have been to
> >strict on him before. Being apart of pastors home he has been critiqued,
> >condemned, and criticized by many that don't understand. He has been in
> >Royal Rangers all his life and what I have read tonight takes the cake on
> >total condemnation towards me personally and my family. Plus many involved
> >with rangers and 100's of pastors that their children are ADD
> >Jeffery Ortner, now 17 years old, He has 28 merits and 1st class Trail
> >Ranger ranking makes the A-B HONOR Roll, and Plays Varsity football. Yes he
> >is slow in many areas but, I am sure that many know him at Sarge Sellers
> >camp and that they see him as a loving responsive young man. I have gone to
> >every commander that has worked with him and told them to don't give
> >special options, but make him do the work and earn those merits.
> >
> >If anyone wants to talk ADD, then I say work in that department of a school
> >for 10 years that deals with this type of children before you bring this
> >type of judgement, or better yet have your own child be ADD and just see
> >how you handle it.
> > This is the same type of false concept thinking that was brought down
> >the pike about 30 years ago with those that had illegitimate children.
> >Which I know of a few teachers, Ranger fathers, pastors, in high places.
> >Are we going to throw them in the pile too.
> > This reminds me of about 15 years ago those in the Charismatic
> >movement that use to think if a Christian Brother was sick or had something
> >going wrong in his life. He must be in sin and needs to repent.
> >
> >You know what should have been posted on this email instead of this trash?
> ><<<> HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND DEAL WITH THOSE BOYS THAT HAVE ADD <<<> or
> >maybe a leadership talk on patience, love, and understanding the problem
> >child.
> >
> >I hope my wife doesn't see this email that was sent to me, she will explode
> >& probably go all the way up to our District Commander who his wife, is a
> >very personal friend of hers.
> >
> > As a pioneer pastor, teacher, and Royal Ranger leader for 20 years, I
> >hope that many of you will look at your boys as a father figure in this
> >cruel world, that they see no hope in the future. and pray that you make
> >the difference towards them that cannot be normal, or feel like they can't
> >succeed, and are pushed aside because they are different (than my kid).
> >and build a Outpost that shows camaraderie, teamwork and belonging to a
> >child that can't always function as others. Your touch, love, and patience
> >may make the difference towards a lost boys soul.
>
>
>
>
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