On the Lighter Side... Car Alarms
I was with a friend in a cafe when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I wondered aloud. "Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me. "Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time over at the neighbor's house. Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to the driveway and jostle his car." Doctor Please A guy goes into the doctor's office. There's a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right." Signs of Winter One October, my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had only gone a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign that read, "Ice: 10 Miles." Five miles farther on, there was another sign that said, "Ice: 5 Miles." The next one read, "Ice: 1/2 Mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We finally came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery store and it said, "Ice: 75 Cents." Field Trip My daughter's fifth grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning over breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon." At once her little brother's eyes got big and he asked, "Are you gonna let her go, Mom?" Have you ever wondered why... (With apologies to Andy Rooney.) Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Merry Christmas --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
