FYI... Begin forwarded message:
> From: Ran Atkinson <[email protected]> > Date: October 29, 2010 9:54:48 AM PDT > To: Tony Li <[email protected]> > Cc: Randall Atkinson <[email protected]> > Subject: Design Goals editorial feedback > > Hi, > > I support publishing the Design Goals document. > All of the feedback below is editorial, mostly about > readability. Feedback is organised using the document > section numbering. > > Cheers, > > Ran > > > 1.2 Confusion > If "may" in the last sentence is referring to "permission", > then it is fine. If the intended meaning refers to "possibility", > then please edit s/may/might/ > > 3.4 Readability and page layout would be improved > if the sundry (1) through (4) were indented and > each new number were the first non-whitespace on its line. > > 3.6 Reference > Please cite IEN-1 at the end of the first sentence. > I believe that is the earliest document saying this. > If an earlier reference is available, then one might > substitute that for the IEN-1 reference. > > > [IEN-1] C.J. Bennett, S.W. Edge, & A.J. Hinchley, > "Issues in the Interconnection of Datagram > Networks", Internet Experiment Note (IEN) 1, > INDRA Note 637, PSPWN 76, University College > London, 29 July 1977. > <http://www.postel.org/ien/pdf/ien001.pdf> > > > 3.7 The tense of the verb is incorrect. As this is a > hypothetical case (the if clause), the tense should > be the subjunctive: > > s/if a tunneling mechanism is tunnelling was used/ > /if a tunneling mechanism is tunnelling were used/ > > 3.7 Suggest eliminating one pronoun in the interest of > clarity: > > s/part of a solution, it/part of a solution, tunnelling/ > > 3.7 Aside: > In English, the spelling would be "tunneling". > I can't claim to know the correct American spelling, > as I've always used English spelling. > > 3.10 Aside: > Would it be OK if we said "capabilities" instead of > "functionality" ? > > EOF > > _______________________________________________ rrg mailing list [email protected] http://www.irtf.org/mailman/listinfo/rrg
