my own parents' case illustrated to me how complicated marriage is. My mother recently admitted to me that had she had more "courage" she would have left my father a long time ago. At the same time she is always upset by any perceived insults to him and demonstrated huge affection and care at the very least when he underwent surgery. Like many others, she was brought up to believe that a man who provided well and was a good householder was a good man and she couldn't justify (to herself) her desires for a more artistic, refined man.
In my own case I had two non-arranged marriages. The first was a failure mostly because there were really huge incompatibilities - sometimes that helps clarify quickly. The second has been a testing ground in a different way but so far reasonably good. We would have been friends even if we hadn't been married and I find that to be key. No possibility of friendship with the ex.
