Again, good points.  Speaking from experience I assume?
Trying to please your partner and being pleased by them should be inherent I feel, otherwise what's the use? forcing the issue doesn't solve it. Eventually when you get the full idea behind whatever it is your trying to do, it doesn't become forcing, it does become inherent. IE, writing a piece of music in one particular style even if you're crap at it to make that person like it won't do. Be yourself. If they can't like what you did because they either like the music or want to like it because it's something new, then that's bad. Did you even follow that? If you're a painter and you paint woodland scenes but your partner doesn't enjoy those, yes, by all means make something he/she will like, as a token of love or because you actually want too, but don't go out of your way to make something tailored to that person. Your efforts and ideas are your very own and nobody, nobody at all should take that away from you. Your ambissions and aspirations should come to you either because you were able to get in a quiet room and sit and think about it, or sometimes as a spir of the moment thing, but however they arrive, take them in stride, and don't force them down any given particular path. I've tried and failed several times. You can all laugh, I wouldn't blame you. I laugh, but it hurts to do so. Unless you're sadistic it's always a bit hard laughing at yourself. Morbid; Anyway, there's my two penny's worth if it even amounts to that much which it possibly doesn't.


On Friday, September 21, 2007 4:03 PM,
Mary Ann Topolewski happened to mention in passing:

I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since
I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up
and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and
I'm glad it touched people somehow.

Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am
interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in
all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh.

Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your
interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is
whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the
level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture.

I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in
whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most
interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more
attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most
logical? After all, the word, "relationship" implies the ability to
relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner,
wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate?

I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said.
"She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me
that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a
special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that
she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk
about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone
else. That fulfills me just fine."

This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really
into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless
of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who
is also into audio production.

Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys.
She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the
subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it
on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for
the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own
horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be
homegrown for it to truly count?

Mary Ann



-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of
Byron J. Lee
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM
To: talk2
Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!

Mary Ann,
This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships
where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play
with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or
really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are
very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel
like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I
feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've
got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I
hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me
be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her
out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the
computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I
want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as
me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to
participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work that way.
Every woman I've ever dated has always tried to take away everything I
hold dear, and replace it with stuff she wants me to participate in. I'm
a geek, I like who I am, stop trying to make me someone I'm not! Watch
Star Trek with me and don't belittle it. Listen to books with me, and
comment on the parts that you liked and disliked. Help to broaden my
horizons and expose me to new ideas that I've never thought of. Talk to
me on an intellectual level, I'm not an idiot. Be a part of my circle of
friends, or at least let me hang out with them on a regular basis. These
are the things I'm looking for in a relationship, and your e-mail helped
me understand the way women think a bit better. Maybe if I had said some
of these things to the people I've dated, things may have changed for
the better. Perhaps if I were more open with people, they would
understand me a little better.

Thanks Mary Ann,
Byron

Onj wrote:
Very rarely, I get something that is so enspiring that I have to think
about it.  I'm keeping this.  It was just right somehow.  It must have
taken you a long time to write it, and it's times like this I wonder
what people think of this list I started back in 2004.  It has it's
uses though. I think that you've proved it today.  I can't be nearly
as eloquent at saying this as you, but you really did a good job.  And
you made me really hungry.
So with that, I shall depart.


On Thursday, September 20, 2007 6:55 PM,
Mary Ann Topolewski happened to mention in passing loads of really
interesting stuff so read the original message and not this reply
because it's better.  byeeeeeeeeeeee!



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