I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through
since I
posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and
share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm
glad
it touched people somehow.
Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am
interested
in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this.
I just
observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh.
Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your
interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is
whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the
level
of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture.
I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in
whatever
interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in
techy
stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman
who is
into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word,
"relationship" implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not
share the
same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to
relate?
I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said.
"She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter
to me
that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a
special
feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she
is so
good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about
things
that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That
fulfills me just fine."
This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is
really
into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that
regardless of
whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who
is also
into audio production.
Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's
joys. She
read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the
subject so
she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own
until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of
understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons.
Would
this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for
it to
truly count?
Mary Ann
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of
Byron J. Lee
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM
To: talk2
Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Mary Ann,
This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships
where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play
with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or
really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are
very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel
like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I
feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've
got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I
hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me
be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her
out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the
computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I
want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as
me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to
participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work that way.
Every woman I've ever dated has always tried to take away everything I
hold dear, and replace it with stuff she wants me to participate in. I'm
a geek, I like who I am, stop trying to make me someone I'm not! Watch
Star Trek with me and don't belittle it. Listen to books with me, and
comment on the parts that you liked and disliked. Help to broaden my
horizons and expose me to new ideas that I've never thought of. Talk to
me on an intellectual level, I'm not an idiot. Be a part of my circle of
friends, or at least let me hang out with them on a regular basis. These
are the things I'm looking for in a relationship, and your e-mail helped
me understand the way women think a bit better. Maybe if I had said some
of these things to the people I've dated, things may have changed for
the better. Perhaps if I were more open with people, they would
understand me a little better.
Thanks Mary Ann,
Byron
Onj wrote:
Very rarely, I get something that is so enspiring that I have to think
about it. I'm keeping this. It was just right somehow. It must have
taken you a long time to write it, and it's times like this I wonder
what people think of this list I started back in 2004. It has it's
uses though. I think that you've proved it today. I can't be nearly
as eloquent at saying this as you, but you really did a good job. And
you made me really hungry.
So with that, I shall depart.
On Thursday, September 20, 2007 6:55 PM,
Mary Ann Topolewski happened to mention in passing loads of really
interesting stuff so read the original message and not this reply
because it's better. byeeeeeeeeeeee!
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