Hi,
I've just recently joined this forum and have been reading the posts for
a bit. I can relate to the depression thread here. I developed TM in
December, was hospitalised, and am now stuck in a wheelchair, and it's
affected every part of my life. My neurologist says I 'may or may not'
recover 'some' mobility. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, because I
can't imagine living this way for the rest of my life, if I don't regain
mobility. Some of the losses seem too hard for me to bear, and I keep
thinking that everyone would be much better off if I just wasn't here
anymore, because it's such a burden to everyone and at times I just
don't really want to go on. Sometimes I'll be OK and coping well for a
while, but it doesn't seem to take much to bring me down again. Don't
get me wrong; I've been trying really hard, and have been doing all the
right stuff, going to physio, doing all the exercises, hoping to get
better. I guess it's still early days yet in my case; and too early to
get despondent, or even to know what I may or may not regain. But I
sure can relate to the feelings of depression with this awful
condition. It strikes you out of the blue, and wipes out so much, and
it affects every little thing in your life. It makes you go from being
independent, active and capable, to being sick, and disabled, and having
to be so dependent on others. Every little thing becomes so difficult.
It's become so hard to negotiate my own house - a set of stairs becomes
an impassable obstacle when you're on your own - I even get jammed in
my hallway when trying to turn around! :-/ even little things can
become difficult, like getting skinned and bruised knuckles from always
banging them on things all the time while wheeling around. To me, it's
not just any one thing, but the cumulative effect of all those things;
and all the pain on top of it all; that is so depressing. From reading
some of the resources from this site and others, I realise that I may be
depressed and may see my dr about it. But I just wanted to mention that
I feel it's been a cumulative thing - where every little thing has
become so difficult and tiring; the huge losses; including
independence, the daily frustrations with dealing with a disability, and
with using mobility aids etc; and the ongoing pain; and with feeling
like a burden to others. Also; for me, I've found that I also feel so
embarrassed - like I don't want anyone who I used to know, to see me how
I am now; and just want to hide out at home. It's a pretty hard thing
to have to get your head around; much less your emotions, and also your
sense of self too.
Thanks for listening.
Regards,
Kate
(Australia)
