Janice, My marriage has really deteriorated since my TM. My husband and I have been together for 25 years, and our lives were just perfect, before TM. We had just built a new home, our children are adults and taking care of their families, I took an early retirement from my job, but was back working there as a contractor making twice as much money, my husband had just got a promotion to a management position, on his job. Our physical relationship was the best it had ever been. It was banging (if I may use that expression) Things were great! Then TM struck!
Initially, my husband was by my side every second of the day. He was off work the first two months, because I was, initially, in intensive care. Because I was totally paralyzed, he felt he had to be there all the time. After being in rehab, nursing homes, and hospitals, it was a year and two weeks, before I returned home again. Because I did not have an aide, and did not know how to go about getting one (not to mention we could not afford one), he took off work again, to care for me. My mom came to live with us to help out. She's nearly 80 years old. She can prepare meals and call 911 if needed. I keep my phone on at all times, in case I need to call 911 for her. Otherwise, he makes sure we both have our medicines, buys grocery for the house, pays the bills, and keep the house running. As for us, there's not much there. We're not intimate at all! He has no desire for me in that capacity. He assures me he loves me and he'll take care of me until the day he dies, but I guess there will be no affection shown until then. He may kiss me on the forehead, but that's it. He really does not like performing the duties of an aide and he reminds me of that every time he has to put me to bed. We did get an aide to come in the mornings and get me up, but we cannot afford one to come in the evenings also. I am looking into going into an assisted living or group home. Our home does not have an assessable bathroom for me. All of our bathrooms are upstairs and there is no room on the first floor, to put a bathroom. As much as I love this house, it just doesn't make any sense for me to stay here. My husband will not be going to the assisted living facility with me. We now live at least an hour away from our friends and family. When I move into a facility, it will be closer to friends and family. Hopefully, that will enabled me to get out more often. Right now I am at home daily just me and my mom. I have a wheelchair van, but my mom is unable to drive it. I don't even feel comfortable going down the ramp with her, so I'm stuck in the house all day, every day. On the weekend, my husband wants to play golf. If I say I want to go somewhere or do something else, he will go or do it, but I will know he doesn't want to. He feels he doesn't get to do what he wants to do. Which is not true, because he plays golf all the time. It just makes for a bad situation. I think it's gotten to the point where he resents me. He would never say that. His actions sure shows that. Which is too bad, because I love him with all my heart. He has been there for me when the rest of my family has failed me. I pray for us constantly. I ask you all to do the same. Naomi C-4 Quadriplegic, since July 2, 2005 Due to Transverse Myelitis **************Shop Dell’s full line of Laptops now starting at $349! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1221881320x1201406166/aol?redir=http:%2F%2 Fad.doubleclick.net%2Fclk%3B215218036%3B37264217%3Bz)
