Suresh garu, Wonderful questions. I very much agree and believe me or not today I am exactly in the same situation not with respect to medical cases but on our projects overall.
I discussed with two persons and the suggestions from them are very different. Both are my well wishers. I felt a need not to get stressed but to leave the thoughts for some days and then think afresh so that I will be free from all influences and can follow my heart and then share what I found there. Let me answer some of your questions. No brickbats intended. Honestly. I do not think logically. This is what I get to know after my stint so far and by the mails from the people. How come people do things without plan that to when it is related to money and more so of food!! I really can't answer. Just now I met Paparao garu and his wife. When I listen to what they say, I am startled to know what is poverty, on the face. When I consulted Divena on phone (Ravi Shankar was there) and when we spoke with her parents, we told them that we will look after her expenses. Even though they got CM and PM fund, they didn't come to Hyderabad for operation because of lack of money. Our fault is that we were not very specific on the message that we conveyed. We would have told them that we will help only for Divena's expenses but not them. They should take care etc., We told them that we will help Divena and the operation. We neither promised nor denied help to them. They didn't ask us any money after they came here. Only on March 1st or 2nd (exact date I do not remember. we can search) when they ran out of entire money, they asked us. Until then we haven't given a penny to them. Not even Divena's medical bills. That is why I gave them Rs. 1500, considering the medical bills. I gave the details of the expenses too. Angio CD itself 500 rs. and the medical bill ( both myself and kasyap saw this bill) of Rs. 354/357. I know that they gave Rs. 100 for the worker woman. She actually asked Rs. 500 and he told her that we are helping them and they do not have any money and so gave 100 rs. only. In fact that day I do not have much money with me. Coming to emotional attachment, I am not emotionally attached to Divena as I am attached now to Paparao gari wife. In fact, to say precisely, towards Divena, my feeling is of responsibility. Nenu kanipimchadam valla, maatlaadatam valla tanu happy feel avutundi, she will be healthy ane thought, gave me strength to visit her. I can't wake up early. Even though I keep alarm, sometimes I can't wake up and sometimes I will switch it off. But the day before her operation, I was awake till 2:30 am and I woke up at 5:20 am. Why? Not because of my emotional attachment to Divena. I value the emotional attachment of Divena with me. I can understand the psychological dependency. oka manishi kosam aatrutagaa eduru choodadamlo unde feeling emito naaku baagaa telusu. I can empathize with her. No matter how many are with us, we will wait for one or two persons for whom we yearn. I understood that she feels for me and so I provided her that. When it comes to Paparao gari wife, that is sympathy. Jaali. I feel very sorry for her innocence and for her problems. That to they being old. I do not know how I projected myself so far and how my mails were perceived. I tried my level best to go by the group's consensus only not imposed my personal feelings. But I cannot change my nature. My core values and principles. If you say, we do not give money for food for parents, I very much understand and stuck to it as it is our group's guideline. The money that I gave in the morning, Rs. 300 for the food, is not group's money, but Jairam's money. I value our guidelines. Is there any guideline as such that we shouldn't give emotional support to Divena or any other case that we took up? Divena is not a neglected child but she is a pampered child as her parents know that she has heart ailment. Even her brother-in-law Paul Babu, he too shows much care towards her. It is not that her family members do not love her that she craves for some attention. She only feels happy. She doesn't have any friends and with all of us, she felt happy. We also sometimes feel happy when friends or relatives console us or give courage to us, say some good words. 'How are you?' the sentence itself removes our stress. When I check mails from people or receive calls that how am I doing, I feel very happy. It is not that my parents and brother do not love me. In fact they take utmost care of me. They treat me as a baby still. I didn't visit Divena for few days. She didn't say anything though she teased me that I forgot her and I didn't care for her etc., She used to ring to me to find out about my health. Even Divena's father rang to me 5 times in 5 days to know about my health. We do not have any emotional attachment with Raju, Cuddapah kid Sai Charan, Jayashree who is a distant relative of mine and LN and her family. We can prepare guidelines on how to execute a case, we should only consider the medical expenses of the patient and the cost of treatment. These are find. Everyone must adhere to them. But if I, as a volunteer, visit a patient daily, for whatsoever the reason may be, should I be alerted? If I as a volunteer behave in one particular way, that doesn't mean other volunteers also should behave the same. So my answer on emotional attachment is we need not and we are not either. When we consider a medical case, we consider that as a whole. For Asma also we tried to provide her everything like physiotherapy and education. They were out of our reach. If they are in touch with us, we would have helped her. Even for Divena also we told that once she is normal and ok, we will help her to continue her studies and getting a job. Padipoyina manishini lepi imta varake maa baadhyata ani anukovadam kaakundaa, roddu daatimchadamo, leka o needalo kuurchopettadamo cheste baaguntundi. Ofcourse based on their need. Coming to what would happen if we are not there, it is a justifiable question but not at the tone that we are raising it. Before we created TMAD or any such groups, say WWHY or SHiFT, and after we stop, let us say for a month or so, nothing would happen. If not we, someone else will help. Say for example, I feel or I say that if someone is not there I cannot live. Wouldn't I live? Would I really die? Nothing will happen. Life goes on but how we live and whether it can be deemed as real life or living is the question. Similarly if we do not go, she will feel one day, two days and she will keep quiet. We went means, we showed our concern. We only went because we wanted to keep her happy and strong emotionally and hoped that if we go regularly she will be in good spirits. She put on 1 kg weight here. Similarly, even if no one joins me, I would have continued with my efforts and work. But I would not be as happy as I am now. May be I would never know the happiness that I feel now and felt that I am happy only with the satisfaction that I derive. If all of you or most of you leave the group feeling that we are going no where, I will certainly feel. Feel that I am not upto the mark or people lose trust on me or MAD's direction etc., but I will get used to it after few days and will proceed. What is the support that you people are giving me? Is it emotional support? financial support? It is togetherness. This is all I can say about all the questions directly or indirectly related to emotional attachment. Others approaching us for help This is what happened in NIMS. We helped three cases, other than Divena, by donating blood. Paparao garu initially didn't tell us anything about his problems. Only after his operation when doctor told him that he will discharge, he began to worry and then when I went to see him, he and his wife explained their problems. What we did? We provided much needed emotional support and financial support through other group. After all, why are the guidelines for us. They should show us the way but not ask us to just walk in the same line as the light shines. Didn't we agreed upon as such on our guidelines? Pakka manishi ibbamdi padutunte choosi, mana guideline kaadu enni cases teesukuntaamu ani vellipotaamaa? After all for this we created this group? For this you all joined? I do not know people's expectations on joining this group. In fact, how much that we spend on Paparao garu? 170 rs. so far. This we already got from our non-members. Still we have 630 rs. raised for him, just SatyaKrishna's friends. Chaitanya too showed interest to help him. We haven't yet spent our group fund. Even if we spend, that will be reimbursed by Pranahitha. This is what our agreement is with her. But after the discussions from the past few months and also my discussion with two people today, made me introspect a lot. I request every member to come up with your intentions on why you joined this group. In fact this is what we request every member when they join. So far, as far as I remember, we haven't spent for other expenses, I mean for the relatives of the patients. Only in LN case we have spent and we have entire group's permission for that. In fact, Ranare has sent Rs. 4,000 specially for this cause and we haven't used the entire money. Money designated for this case ani we haven't spent on that. When we understood that the people are misusing, we dropped the case. Coming to Cuddapah kid's case, we know that they do not have money from the very beginning. The agreement is that if they bear the travel expenses and come, we will bear their expenses for all the days of treatment. This is also group's decision owing to the nature of the case. Why Anil has spent from his credit card? Why Suresh Ediga wanted to give his own money, let me tell you, one lakh rupees, if we do not get concession? I didn't understand the 'empowerment we give to the people on field'. What does that mean? As far as I am concerned, the mails that I receive, the suggestions, the guidance and the happiness on the beneficiaries' faces, is itself an empowerment for me. Even though I quarrel with the members on any topic, I feel happy at the end of the day. I feel that as a difference of opinion and after all people are here, interested in us. Coming to the cost of a plate of idly, I do not think so that Nachaki raised that for discussion and he already clarified it. To be frank I was little bit irritated (not angry) for the question on idly's cost feeling that he doesn't know about the prices here. As a reply to Nachaki mail, in fact I do not know the rates of idly or meals outside. I rarely go out and eat. If we buy tiffin anytime, it is my brother or mother who brings. Even if I go to any hotel occasionally or buy tiffin, I rarely remember the prices. I always think of something or other, that I care not to remember these things. So I didn't do that exercise of finding how much that costs in the canteen, how much that costs in the nearby areas etc., Suresh garu, let me say very frankly, I never thought you as a person who do nothing. I always considered you as a senior and experienced person wanted to show some direction to us. Honestly. I am also confident that no one would think as such about you or for that matter about anyone else. In fact, I only tease people if they do not come to meetings. That to because of the friendship I have with them but not of authority. I hope I answered your questions. This is all I can explain. This is the only language that I can know. I cannot explain more than this. But I request everyone to write and tell us on what their expectations on the group and how you want to contribute (leave the money part. so far money was never been a problem). I am sure and confident on what the goals are. But I feel it is a failure on my part that still most of us are not clear about what we are doing. So once you all come up, we will group them and then bring them to an order and decide on the ones that we can take up and the ones that we can ignore. I hope people will cooperate with me at least now. -- Thank you. with regards, PRASANTHI. ---- When you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
