>From William B. > We recently constructed the first "cat optical trap," a longwave > incoherent 1-D version of the laser cooled adiabatic ion trap. > > Obtain a long spring-arm desklamp, lift it 10" high and aim its emitter > downwards, and place a bath towel just below it (cellulose preferred over > artificial fibers, aged fabric required.) Apply power, and after a brief > delay the space between the incoherent source and the cellulose absorber > will fill with large purring entities extracted from the Dirac background. > Remove power, and their number decays far more slowly than the time- > constant associated with their appearance, perhaps giving evidence of a > short-range attraction force. On successive operations the time constant > of population growth diminishes to a limit: a strange form of hysteresis. > > Chaotic feline trajectories are observed in multi-particle populations in > the trap, analogous to those of ion crystals during optical trapping in > vacuum conditions. We see evidence that our trap was accidentally > optimized for 720T and 1G acceleration field, but further testing has yet > to be performed.
This just in from an unknown source: Professor Beaty! Oops! You don't know that yet. I implore you to cease and desist all forms of COT research, especially in the longwave incoherent 1-D laser cooled adiabatic ion trap media. What you cannot know from your perspective is that you are about to open a time portal into a future probability continuum where an opportunistic race of feline creatures have evolved to the point that they are largely indistinguishable from human physiology. Your COT research will accidentally allow one of these creatures to travel back into our time-line and start a new chain of events with dire consequences for the human race. Except for a tendency to pounce on their meals and occasionally hack up a hairball there will be no way to distinguish these futuristic invaders from the human population - until it's too late. We will become the property of the Feline race. Felines will outlaw all doors, especially bathroom doors. The human race work week doubles from 40 to 80 hours as compensation for the fact that Felines tend to sleep up to 18 hours a day and prefer to spend the remaining waking hours gazing out windows watching squirrels and taping Nature programs on bird migration patterns. Felines will tolerate our existence, as long as we continue to feed them. >From the bowels of Christ, please reconsider your line of research! >From "Vince" Dinglelint (reporter at-large in time and space) --- Regards Steven Vincent Johnson www.OrionWorks.com www.zazzle.com/orionworks
