According to a recent poll that just came out, the majority of McCain
voters think the economy is in a normal downward cycle, but the majority
of Obama voters think the economy is in a long-term decline. Yeah.
Meanwhile, the majority of Ralph Nader voters collect empty beer cans
along the highway."
- Conan O'Brien
--------------------
McCain Plans Federal Health Cuts
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122315505846605217.html
John McCain would pay for his health plan with major reductions to
Medicare and Medicaid, a top aide said, in a move that independent
analysts estimate could result in cuts of $1.3 trillion over 10 years to
the government programs.
The Republican presidential nominee has said little about the proposed
cuts, but they are needed to keep his health-care plan "budget neutral,"
as he has promised. The McCain campaign hasn't given a specific figure for
the cuts, but didn't dispute the analysts' estimate. ...
--------------------
Lipstick On A Pig
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crjsh/2008/crjsh081003.gif
--------------------
"According to a recent poll, 61% of people surveyed said they would rather
see Sarah Palin in a bikini than Pamela Anderson. Although 99% said they
would rather see Pamela Anderson as vice president."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
Sarah's Pompom Palaver
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/opinion/05dowd.html
. . Being mush-mouthed helped give the patrician Bushes the common
touch. As Alistair Cooke observed, "Americans seem to be more comfortable
with Republican presidents because they share the common frailty of
muddled syntax and because, when they attempt eloquence, they do tend to
spout a kind of Frontier Baroque."
Darn right. And that, doggone it, brings us to a shout-out for the latest
virtuoso of Frontier Baroque, bless her heart, the governor of the Last
Frontier. Her reward's in heaven.
At Sarah Palin's old church in Wasilla, they spoke in tongues. Maybe
that's where she picked it up. ...
--------------------
A special message from Governor Palin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZsO7dZ__iw
--------------------
PROJECTING THROUGH THE SCREEN
[Rich Lowry, National Review Online]
http://tinyurl.com/4haf92
A very wise TV executive once told me that the key to TV is projecting
through the screen. It's one of the keys to the success of, say, a Bill
O'Reilly, who comes through the screen and grabs you by the throat. Palin
too projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male
in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little
straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me."
And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it
was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts
through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.
This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or
you don't, and man, she's got it.
WINKY DINKS
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2008/10/i-missed-the-veep-last.html
Good thing Palin didn't blow a kiss at the camera or Lowry might have
fucking fainted. I'm not a licensed psychotherapist but when you think the
people on TV are addressing you personally and directly it's often a sign
of incipient dementia.
--------------------
"Hey there, big voter.... Looking for a good time?"
--------------------
Debate Expectations
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crsbr/2008/crsbr081003.gif
--------------------
"This is the first time an Alaskan has ever been on a national ticket, and
it also might be the last, depending on how it goes. So across the state
of Alaska, all eyes were on the debate. Pipeline workers set aside their
wrenches, trappers dropped their beaver pelts, whalers put down their
blubber knives, Eskimo families took a break from loading their
grandparents onto ice floes. There has not been this much excitement in
Alaska since the last time they saw the sun, quite frankly."
- Jimmy Kimmel
--------------------
I'll Need More Power....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmdwa/2008/tmdwa081002.gif
--------------------
Top Ten Messages Left On Sarah Palin's Answering Machine
from The Late Show with David Letterman
© CBS Broadcasting Inc.
10. "Hi, it's John McCain; I had to go to bed. How'd it go?"
9. "Hi, Katie Couric here. Have you thought of a Supreme Court case yet?"
8. "Hi, it's Bill Clinton. Let me know when Todd's out of town"
7. "My name is Joseph Sixpack -- knock it off"
6. "Hi, Katie Couric again -- think of any newspapers yet?"
5. "Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book. It's a bridge to hilarity"
4. "John McCain again; could you pick up my prescriptions?"
3. "Senator Larry Craig here -- do you have Joe Biden's phone number?"
2. "McCain again; do you remember where I parked the Straight Talk
Express?"
1. "It's President Bush. If you're at the debate, who's watchin' Russia?"
--------------------
"Sarah Palin was getting ready for her big debate on Thursday. To prepare,
Sarah watched hour after hour of Tina Fey tapes."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
The REAL Sarah Palin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MJCvHMtwE4
--------------------
Palin Says Omaha Visit Was Not Campaign's Call, It Was Hers
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/10/05/politics/fromtheroad/entry4502743shtml
Sarah Palin said at a hastily scheduled Sunday night rally in this solidly
red state that the decision to come here was hers alone and was not the
defensive move by her campaign to lock up Nebraska's 2nd Congressional
District that many pundits have suggested.
"The pundits today on TV--one of them was saying, check out the vice
president's schedule, check out where she's going--she's going to
Nebraska," Palin said.
"But the pundit was saying the only reason she'd be going there is 'cause
they're scared, so they gotta go there and shore up votes. And I so wanted
to reach into that TV and say no, I'm going to Nebraska because I want to
go to Nebraska. ...
[well.... the "vice president" has spoken!]
--------------------
"Sarah Palin and her husband Todd were reported Thursday to have over a
million dollars in assets and an annual income into six figures. They need
every penny of it. She's got a wedding to pay for and you know how
expensive shotgun shells are."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"Normal Joe Six-Pack American"
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ta/2008/ta081005.gif
--------------------
"Did you see that interview with Katie Couric? Oh, man. Katie Couric asked
Sarah Palin what newspapers she reads, and she could not name a single
newspaper that she reads. Which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have a
degree in journalism."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
"Never fear, Tuesday while John McCain and Barrack Obama are tied up with
the debate, Sarah Palin will be guarding the homeland against an attack by
Katie Couric."
- Joe Hickman
--------------------
Hey, Sarah Palin....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DIc8jdra0o
--------------------
McCain Pulling Out Of Michigan
http://tinyurl.com/3jw9n3
John McCain is pulling out of Michigan, according to two Republicans, a
stunning move a month away from Election Day that indicates the difficulty
Republicans are having in finding blue states to put in play.
McCain will go off TV in Michigan, stop dropping mail there and send most
of his staff to more competitive states, including Wisconsin, Ohio and
Florida. Wisconsin went for Kerry in 2004, Ohio and Florida for Bush.
A McCain aide confirmed the move and chalked it up to the state's
Democratic tilt and the resources Obama had put in place there.
"It was always a long shot for us to win," said the aide. ...
..recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small
lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a
state whose economy is in tatters.
A McCain event planned for next week in Plymouth, Mich., has been
canceled.
--------------------
"My campaign is suspending its operations in Michigan, and in the spirit
of bi-partisanship, we are asking Senator Obama to do the same."
- Johnny Mac
--------------------
Our regularly scheduled program will continue after this brief message:
ANNOUNCER: John McCain says he will never surrender in Iraq.
MCCAIN CLIP: "I will never surrender in Iraq, my friends!"
ANNOUNCER: Oh, reeeeeallly???
This week, John McCain did surrender. In Michigan.
[GONG!!!]
Michigan---whose state mammal is the ferocious white tail deer.
The state bird? The bloodthirsty robin.
The state reptile? The painted turtle, which undoubtedly keeps weapons of
mass destruction under its shell, just waiting for John McCain to cut and
run. Which he just did.
And you better start wearing a helmet, America. Now that John McCain has
abandoned Michigan, you could get hit in the head with the state gem:
chlorrrrrrrr...astrolite!
If John McCain is willing to wave the white flag of surrender because he
can't defeat Bambi and Yertle over here, how can we trust him to defeat
the evildoers...over there?
[GONG!!!]
John McCain: He surrendered in Michigan. How long until he surrenders in
Iraq?
This message paid for by Children With Coffee Cans Full Of Pennies For
America and Truth and Jonas Brothers downloads and Skittles.
(via Bill in Portland Maine)
--------------------
"See, you've got to admit, Sarah Palin does look great when they walk out,
but that's causing a problem for McCain now. In fact, now they call the
ticket 'Beauty and the Deceased.'"
- Jay Leno
--------------------
At Least....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/wpswi/2008/wpswi081006.gif
--------------------
Decision On Michigan Questioned By Palin
http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-caucus1004.artoct04,0,3828873.story
Sarah Palin questioned Republican presidential candidate John McCain's
decision to abandon efforts to win Michigan, a campaign move she said she
learned about Friday morning when she read it in the newspapers.
In an interview with Fox News Channel Friday, the Alaska governor said she
was disappointed that the McCain campaign decided to stop competing in
Michigan. In an indication that the vice presidential candidate had not
been part of the decision, she said she had "read that this morning, and I
fired off a quick e-mail" questioning the move.
"Todd and I, we'd be happy to get to Michigan and walk through those
plants of the car manufacturers," Palin said. "We'd be so happy to get to
speak to the people in Michigan who are hurting because the economy is
hurting."
Palin acknowledged the GOP ticket's lackluster poll ratings in the state,
but said: "I want to get back to Michigan, and I want to try." ...
--------------------
"Sarah Pain is questioning John McCain's decision to pull out of Michigan
She read about the move in a newspaper. McCain said NOW she decides to
start reading newspapers."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
The Candidate For Change
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crgma/2008/crgma081005.gif
--------------------
Joe McCain Makes Bad Joke
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/10/joe-mccain-make.html
It's fairly common for Virginia Republicans to jokingly refer to the
Northern-most part of their commonwealth, the liberal enclaves surrounding
Washington, D.C., as "the People's Republic of Alexandria," and such.
It's fairly uncommon, however, for a presidential candidate's brother to
say it into microphones at a campaign rally a month before an election.
Last night, Joe McCain, the schticky brother of Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.,
referred to two Democratic-leaning areas in Northern Virginia as
"communist country," The Washington Post reports.
"I've lived here for at least 10 years and before that about every third
duty I was in either Arlington or Alexandria, up in communist country,"
Navy veteran Joe McCain said in Loudoun County, Va., at a campaign event
Saturday night. ...
--------------------
"Every false debate we're drawn into is a real conversation we don't have
with the American people."
- Sen. Joe Biden [D-DE], V.Pres. Candidate
--------------------
Something's Not Right....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tr/2008/tr081006.gif
--------------------
Republicans are master baiters:
They bait liberals, they bait blacks, they bait Jews, they bait gays....
--------------------
Don't Forget....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmclo/2008/tmclo081003.gif
--------------------
"A BBC poll says the war on terror has actually strengthened al Queda.
Apparently that makes it just about as effective as the war on poverty and
the war on drugs."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"The U.S. launched missile raids on al-Qaeda hideouts in Pakistan on
Friday. It's part of a well thought out plan. President Bush was told in
history class that war was good for the economy and he's going to keep
starting them until things get better."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"The U.S. is planning on building a more secure embassy in London. Have
things gotten so bad for us that we're not safe even around our allies?"
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"Laura Bush and her daughter Jenna just co-authored a new children's book
called Read All About It. It's about a boy who doesn't like to read books
He learns a bitter lesson when he grows up and refuses to read the Daily
Intelligence Briefings."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"Post Office mail carriers would deliver emergency supplies of antibiotics
in the event of an anthrax attack. That's a good plan, as long as the
government can anticipate an attack by at least six months."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"The U.S. District Court in Washington D.C. ruled Friday the White House
must surrender its visitor logs showing how often Jack Abramoff visited
President Bush. It still isn't too late for Congress to impeach him.
President Bush could hold the distinction of being the oldest Baby Boomer
forced by job loss to move back in with his parents."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"A new poll shows that only one out of four people approve of the job
President Bush is doing. One out of four. That means, when he's having
dinner with his wife and two daughters, he's the only one at the table who
thinks he's doing a good job."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
"MSNBC featured celebrities and their favorite book. For example, Greg
Kinnear's was "Into the Wild." Anne Curry's was "The Once and Future
King." And President Bush listed that monkey George book with that feller
with the yeller hat."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
The Asterisk
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/sc/2008/sc081002.gif
--------------------
"President Bush's warnings of hard times frightened retailers into putting
Christmas merchandise on sale already. They worry he has scared consumers
out of buying anything. You can invade the wrong country, ignore hurricane
victims and crash the stock market, but you aren't the worst president in
history til you've stolen Christmas."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"A new study has found that the number of illegal immigrants coming into
the United States has declined as our economy has faltered. Yeah, when he
heard this, President Bush said, 'Do I know how to fix a problem or
what?'"
- Conan O'Brien
--------------------
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR BANK IS FAILING
1. You're robbed at the drive through window by the teller
2. New slogan is "We could go at any minute"
3. The word 'safe' is crossed out at the safe deposit boxes
4. Bank president arrives at work with suitcase
5. Deposit slips everywhere, not one withdrawal slip
- Tim Hunter, wackyweek.com
--------------------
"The economy is so bad that today, Dick Cheney was waterboarding his
stockbroker."
- David Letterman
--------------------
Look What We Have For You!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/jd/2008/jd081006.gif
--------------------
"Earmarks"?
The Conservative Definition:
- Some stupid study about bees.
The Liberal Definition:
- a grant for a light rail project in your city.
- a new sewer treatment plant.
- a new library in a rural area.
- etc.
--------------------
So Far....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crbbe/2008/crbbe081003.gif
--------------------
KEATING ECONOMICS
John McCain and the Making of a Financial Crisis
http://keatingeconomics.com/
The current economic crisis demands that we understand John McCain's
attitudes about economic oversight and corporate influence in federal
regulation. Nothing illustrates the danger of his approach more clearly
than his central role in the savings and loan scandal of the late '80s and
early '90s. ...
--------------------
"33% of Americans say that the country is already in a Depression. The
other 67% wouldn't give up their place in the soup line to take the
survey."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
Trick Or Treat!!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tt/2008/tt081003.gif
--------------------
"With the new provisions the Senate added, it's now gonna cost $800
billion. We should have signed it two days ago when it was $700 billion.
Two days later, they screwed us out of another $100 billion!"
- Jay Leno
--------------------
"The U.S. Senate passed a Wall Street bailout bill including two hundred
million dollars for Puerto Rican and Virgin Island rum distillers. No
apology needed. We are doing all we can to help investment bankers and if
they like daiquiris, so be it."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
HEY!!! WAKE UP!!!!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/bs/2008/bs081003.gif
--------------------
Paulson Seen on Unidentified Tropical Island Surrounded by Girls, Drinks,
Billions of Dollars
- tomburka.com
Anonymous tipsters claimed to have spotted Secretary of the Treasury Henry
Paulson earlier today on a secluded tropical island.
The FBI confirmed today that Paulson left the country early yesterday
afternoon with what JetBlue Airlines called "countless heavy, fully
stuffed duffel bags." There were so many duffel bags that Paulson paid
thousands of dollars in excess luggage charges "without batting an
eyelash," a JetBlue Airline official said.
The White House hastily released a statement Sunday afternoon saying that
Paulson had "taken a brief vacation," and claimed that mobilization of a
vast number of Air Force search jets over the entire Pacific was "just a
military exercise." Nonetheless an unusual number of comings and goings at
the White House and on Capitol Hill conveyed an air of panic.
An anonymous source claimed that Paulson had left a note in which he
stated that he had concluded that "the American economy is no longer
viable: I am going to make my own." President Bush refused to confirm that
such a note existed, saying only that on Sunday, he rarely reads, but that
"he would check his desk first thing Monday."
Lawmakers were putting together what they called an "emergency emergency"
$350 billion "replacement" bill, which they promised would include even
more oversight.
"This time we're using electronic monitoring," promised Rep. Barney Frank
In other news, an unidentified bidder purchased the countries of
Mauritius, Belize, and Tahiti as what he called "second homes."
--------------------
You Can Always Tell....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmra/2008/crmra081006.gif
--------------------
"The Department of the Interior has added 47 new species to the Endangered
Species List. It now protects 1,488 plant species, 3,622 animal species,
941 insect species and six savings & loans."
- Bob Mills
**************
Let's Hope....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tt/2008/tt081005.gif
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