"President Obama's approval rating is down to 46 percent. But the White House has an idea for how to get it back up again. What they're going to do is bring back Bush and Cheney for a week." - Jimmy Kimmel --------------------
Things Need Fixing http://cagle.com/working/100116/luckovich.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100116/luckovich.jpg> -------------------- "A new report says that one year after President Obama took office, 40 percent of top positions in his administration have yet to be filled. George Bush actually filled 62 percent of top positions during his first year, and Bill Clinton filled all the top positions and even some of the weird sideways ones." - Jimmy Fallon -------------------- "The Massachusetts senate race is getting so close, Democrat candidate Martha Coakley got so desperate today that she told all the voters that her opponent Scott Brown cannot account for his whereabouts when Martin Luther King Jr. was shot." - Jake Novak -------------------- Getting Close! http://cagle.com/working/100114/holbert.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100114/holbert.jpg> -------------------- "Sarah Palin joined the Fox News team Monday, signing a lucrative multi-year deal to provide news commentary. She's a pioneer. Someday history will say that Sarah Palin broke the color barrier and became the first woman on Fox News with brown hair." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- Sarah Palin was esctatic to get the job at FOX News.... she finally found a place that has more white people than Alaska! -------------------- "A urologist in Minnesota was disciplined for removing the wrong kidney on one patient and for taking a biopsy of a pancreas instead of a kidney on another patient. On the lighter side, Fox News has found its new medical correspondent." - Jerry Perisho -------------------- "Our good friend, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, is a contributor to Fox News. Only been there a couple days. Already making friends. Today, she loaned Glenn Beck some mascara that does not run when you cry." - David Letterman -------------------- "Sarah Palin's new gig: A hen in the Fox house." - Bill Williams -------------------- Sex, death, energy, power, politics, and heavy makeup -- it's all here! http://www.goingrouge.net/<http://www.goingrouge.net/> -------------------- "Sarah Palin will make a VIP appearance at the Daytona 500 NASCAR race. She can relate to the format. Her campaign with John McCain went around in circles before running out of gas, crashing and burning and finishing in last place." - Jim Barach -------------------- "Sarah Palin has signed on to become a Fox News correspondent. And in a related story, John McCain just picked up an endorsement deal to be a spokesman for the SCOOTER Store." - Jay Leno -------------------- "A new book revealed that people inside the McCain campaign, including the senator, thought that Sarah Palin was dumb and mentally unstable. And now we know why Fox News hired her." - Pedro Bartes -------------------- Sarah Palin knows literally hundreds of words.... she can't be expected to get them all in the right order every single time! -------------------- You Bet'cha!!! http://cagle.com/working/100115/tornoe.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100115/tornoe.jpg> -------------------- All Of 'Em.... Again!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA_yVbrMEPo<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA_yVbrMEPo> Glenn Beck: "Who's your favorite Founder?" Sarah Palin: "You know, well, all of them, because they came collectively together with so much--" Glenn Beck: "Bullcrap. Who's your favorite?" Sarah Palin: "--so much diverse opinion and so much diversity in terms of belief, but collectively they came together -- and they were led by, of course George Washington, so he's got to rise to the top." -------------------- Anybody else can't wait to see Sarah Palin on Celebrity Jeopardy?!? -------------------- Good Company http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=c2eabf2570e57504016de4d6cd00b0a6<http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=c2eabf2570e57504016de4d6cd00b0a6> -------------------- Sarah must have glanced at some money in her pocket.... other acceptable choices would have been Jefferson (he invented the Declaration of Independence!), Hamilton (um... he was a very good leader and blender), Jackson (a great entertainer and president), etc etc. -------------------- The correct answer, of course, is Aaron Burr, because he laid the framework for the Vice Presidency's rarely-exercised "shoot a dude and totally get away with it" executive power. -------------------- "Sarah Palin has signed a contract with Fox News. She's taking this cable news competition a little too seriously. Yesterday, she tried to shoot Wolf Blitzer from a plane." - Alan Ray -------------------- Hey, Look!! http://cagle.com/working/100115/fitzsimmons.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100115/fitzsimmons.jpg> -------------------- "Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for." - David Letterman -------------------- "Sarah Palin signed a huge deal with Fox News Monday to provide news commentary on the cable channel. This will be good practice for her. Sarah Palin hopes to be the first Republican since Ronald Reagan who can shoot, breed and read a TelePrompter." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- "Rush Limbaugh walked into his studio Monday where he received a tempting offer from the Devil. Of course he turned it down. The Devil offered Rush a free pass from racial accusations for the rest of his career, but only if he becomes a Democrat." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- Can't Understand Why.... http://cagle.com/working/100116/cam.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100116/cam.jpg> -------------------- Just wondering.... does Rush spell it "Hatey"? -------------------- "Both radio show host Rush Limbaugh and televangelist Pat Robertson are being criticized for comments they've made following the Haitian earthquake... So, the "hot seat" is big enough for two fat asses and there's no IQ requirement to sit there." - Jerry Perisho -------------------- Classy.... http://cagle.com/working/100116/bagley.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100116/bagley.jpg> -------------------- "Pat Robertson said Wednesday that Haiti's earthquake was God-commanded because the natives made deals with Satan. He tracks these things. The Sylmar earthquake struck Los Angeles the day after Charlton Heston lost the role of God to George Burns." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- "It's been reported that an 8-year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government's airport watch list because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So, it's been a really bad week for little Skippy bin Laden." - Conan O'Brien -------------------- Seen Enough?!? http://cagle.com/working/100114/cagle00.gif<http://cagle.com/working/100114/cagle00.gif> -------------------- Struggling US Airways Introduces $100 Million Bomb Fee http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/struggling_us_airways<http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/struggling_us_airways> With holiday traffic down almost 4 percent compared to last year and business continuing to decline, US Airways announced Monday that it would allow VIP customers to bring bombs on board its flights for a one-time $100 million fee. "At US Airways, we want to show the world that we're willing to go the distance for customers our competitors repeatedly ignore," a press release read in part. "Your enrollment fee grants you full access to our prestigious Bomber's Club at participating airports, early boarding with choice of seat, the option to bring aboard knives and guns for a small additional surcharge, and allowance for an extra carry-on, which can of course be used for your bomb." The airline noted that an additional $50 million dollar deposit was required and would not be refunded in the event of a detonation. -------------------- "The White House halted transfer of terrorist detainees from Guantanamo to Saudi Arabia. The Saudis were running them through an art school rehab. That's a nice way of saying they were in an al-Qaeda training camp firing paintballs at each other." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- Strip Search.... http://cagle.com/working/100114/payne.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100114/payne.jpg> -------------------- "Saddam Hussein's cousin, "Chemical Ali", received his fourth death sentence in Baghdad, Sunday. This guy has more complete sentences than Sarah Palin's memoir." - Jerry Perisho -------------------- "The U.S. Embassy in Pakistan said Wednesday U.S. diplomats are being detained and harassed as they travel around the country. Pakistanis think that every U.S. diplomat they see is probably is a CIA agent who's about to call in an air strike on their village. The top reality TV show on Pakistani TV is called To Catch a Predator Drone." - Argus Hamilton -------------------- Mass. Senate Race's Lesson For Obama http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/17/AR2010011701934.html<http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/17/AR2010011701934.html> In June 2008, a few months before the financial implosions began, I asked two smart financiers who happened to be Republican about the future of the seemingly shaky American economy. Defying the moment's conventional predictions that we would somehow muddle through, one offered a dire and uncannily accurate forecast. He explained why banks would blow up, investments would crash and the federal government would have to spend "at least $300 billion" to bail out financial institutions. The other financial expert listened closely, took a sip from his drink, and smiled. "This," he said, "would seem like an excellent time for the Democrats to take power." It wasn't that he liked Democratic policies. He just wanted the other side in charge when things came tumbling down. ... -------------------- "Wall Street is hiring a lobbying firm to lodge a legal challenge to the Obama administration's proposed new tax on the banks. It's a great strategy, because if there one thing the American people love it's the combination of lawyers, lobbyists and rich bankers." - Jake Novak -------------------- Obama Consults CEOs About Modernizing Government http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/obama_consults_ceos_about<http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/obama_consults_ceos_about> President Obama met with CEOs from 50 companies, including UPS and Microsoft, to consult with them about how to streamline government and improve services. What do you think? Paul Digga, Systems Analyst "The head of UPS? What an honor!" Sandy Grice, Unemployed "Is one of the things they came up with to stop having meetings with 50 people at a time?" Jay Smith, Management Aide "A lot of big shots will be there-it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for Obama to pass out a few copies of his resumé." -------------------- Amateur.... http://cagle.com/working/100115/kelley.jpg<http://cagle.com/working/100115/kelley.jpg> -------------------- "Pres. Obama on Thursday slammed banking executives for their "massive profits and obscene bonuses"... Meanwhile, back in Chicago, a personal banker "accidentally" screwed up the President's credit rating forever." - Jerry Perisho -------------------- "J.P. Morgan Chase is reportedly going to reward its employees with bonuses totaling $9.3 Billion. In order to try to make it look more palatable to the average American, the bonuses will be handed out as $500,000 gift cards to Wal-Mart." - Jim Barach -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WebTV Dawgs/Dittos" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected]. 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