"A 13 year old Virginia boy stole the family pickup truck after loading it with
clothes, food and the family dog along with a trailer with two horses and drove
to Texas. There is enough in that one sentence for an entire album of country
songs."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
Fairy Tales
http://cagle.com/working/090404/bish.jpg
--------------------
"The Republican National Committee replaced Sarah Palin with Newt Gingrich as
featured speaker at a fundraiser in Washington D.C. this June. She couldn't
commit. There's always someone in the family who's about to go into labor and
she can't make plans to be out of town."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
Gov. Palin Blasts Levi Johnston For 'Tyra' Sex Talk
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30044248
Levi Johnston is in big trouble at the Sarah Palin household.
After talking about sex on "The Tyra Banks Show," Johnston -- the 18-year-old
father of Bristol Palin's baby -- was hit with a blistering response from
Bristol's mother, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.
"Bristol did not even know Levi was going on the show. We're disappointed that
Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, are engaging
in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their
relationship," says the statement from the Palin family rep.
"Bristol's focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and
advocating abstinence," the statement continues. ...
In the show airing April 6, Johnston tells Tyra Banks that he believes Sarah
Palin knew he and Bristol, 18, were having sex when they lived under her roof.
"I'm pretty sure she probably knew. Moms are pretty smart," Johnston says. ...
--------------------
"Here we are months into Barack Obama's presidency and still no first dog How
hard can it be to pick out a dog? You chose one that is gentle, cute, friendly
and doesn't pee on the floor, just like how John McCain picked a running mate."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
Does He Need Help?
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=c04a09717c628b5b214f24c54db1cf64
--------------------
"The Justice Department threw out the conviction of Alaska's former Senator Ted
Stevens. It was thrown out for good reason. He was convicted of not listing
bribes on his tax returns and the Obama administration still has a few cabinet
posts to fill."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
Trading Spaces
http://cagle.com/working/090404/margulies.gif
--------------------
Alaska GOP Calls For Begich Resignation
http://tinyurl.com/cfbnr9
The Alaska Republican Party is calling on Democratic Sen. Mark Begich to resign
his first-term post as senator, one day after Attorney General Eric Holder
cleared former Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens of felony charges Wednesday.
"The Alaska Republican Party…believes that current Senator Mark Begich should
resign his position to allow for a new, special election, so Alaskans may have
the chance to vote for a senator without the improper influence of the corrupt
Department of Justice," the Alaska Republican Party's Web site states. ...
--------------------
"CLEARED" Sen. Stevens?!?!? They did no such thing!
The attorney general decided that, due to prosecutorial misconduct by
then-GWBush's DoJ, evidence and witnesses were too tainted to get a good, and
valid, prosecution. But "cleared"? No f...@#kin' way!!!
--------------------
Who Was The AG?!?
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=d3a161f5bd79e027f441a0f0ce242342
--------------------
"Months after Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was convicted for taking illegal gifts
and lost his re-election, the Justice Department now wants all charges dropped.
Apparently, there was such misconduct by the prosecution that he's going to be
a free man and he gets to keep all the gifts. When he heard that, Rod
Blagojevich announced he is moving to Alaska."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
"Dodge" Ball
http://cagle.com/working/090405/matson.jpg
--------------------
"Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has been indicted on 16 felony
counts, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, and abuse of propecia."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
Remember That Fat Lady?
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=9f1b30753290c4bdc2354f28fbfdbc8f
--------------------
"Republican congressmen walked down the Capitol steps together to publicize the
GOP budget proposal Wednesday. It was quite a sight. There were two hundred
white guys wearing blue suits and red ties, and they just voted unanimously
against cloning."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
The Prime Directive
http://www.xoverboard.com/cartoons/2009/090406_prime.html
--------------------
The top 10% have captured 50% of the income gains in the past forty years The
top 1% gained more than all the bottom 50%....
Now THAT'S class warfare!
--------------------
"A politician looks forward only to the next election. A statesman looks
forward to the next generation."
- Thomas Jefferson
--------------------
Chip Off The Old Block....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=7e2c1bb1b0c8a120f16e41448693c9e6
--------------------
The budget making its way through Congress now is for $3.6 trillion, and
includes the cost of operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The 2009 budget, George W. Bush's last, was for a mere $3.1 trillion, but hid
the cost of Iraq and Afghanistan in supplementals to be specified later.
See the enormous difference? See why Obama is such a spendthrift?
--------------------
Numbers And Stuff...
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=10f68223dea446a9d8df72eb04c02302
--------------------
"The House of Representatives has passed a bill that would give the Food and
Drug Administration the authority to regulate tobacco products... which makes
sense now that a pack of cigarettes costs about the same as a bottle of Viagra."
- Jake Novak
--------------------
It Was The Shock....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=6edb04cf4caae9daebc2db50abb1ef2b
--------------------
Iowa Gay Marriage Ban Ruled Unconstitutional
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30027685
The Iowa Supreme Court says the state's same-sex marriage ban violates the
constitutional rights of gay and lesbian couples, making it the third state
where gay marriage is legal.
In a unanimous ruling issued Friday, the court upheld a 2007 Polk County
District Court judge's ruling that the law was unconstitutional. ...
Around the nation, only Massachusetts and Connecticut permit same-sex marriage.
California, which briefly allowed gay marriage before a voter initiative in
November repealed it, allows domestic partnerships.
New Jersey and New Hampshire also offer civil unions, which provide many of the
same rights that come with marriage. New York recognizes same-sex marriages
performed elsewhere, and legislators there and in New Jersey are weighing
whether to offer marriage. A bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in
Vermont is before the state House.
--------------------
"Vermont's House of Representatives has voted in favor of gay marriage. The
legislators passed the lesbian-friendly bill in the hopes of bailing out the
state's struggling flannel shirt industry."
- Jake Novak
--------------------
Time To Update
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=6ee0d31c6558f25a1685ef527721b925
--------------------
Iowa has a long history of civil rights leadership:
In 1839, the Iowa Supreme Court rejected slavery in a decision that found that
a slave named Ralph became free when he stepped on Iowa soil, 26 years before
the end of the Civil War decided the issue.
In 1868, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that racially segregated "separate but
equal" schools had no place in Iowa, 85 years before the U.S. Supreme Court
reached the same decision.
In 1873, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled against racial discrimination in public
accommodations, 91 years before the U.S. Supreme Court reached the same
decision.
In 1869, Iowa became the first state in the union to admit women to the
practice of law.
- Iowa State Senator Matt McCoy [D]
(the first openly gay member of the Iowa Legislature)
--------------------
"Senator Byron Dorgan introduced a bill permitting Americans to visit Cuba for
the first time in five decades. Havana's streets are filled with fifty-year-old
Chevys and Fords and Chryslers in flawless condition. The goal of the policy is
to topple the Castro government and turn Cuba into the Museum of American Car
Excellence."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela says she had so much fun visiting
Guantanamo Bay recently that she didn't want to leave. She called it "relaxing,
calm and beautiful". She said, "Some day, I hope to get married and honeymoon
at San Quentin."
- Jerry Perisho
--------------------
"If Your Ribbon Is Fading....
http://images6.cafepress.com/product/80568296v5_350x350_Front.jpg
--------------------
Spain is considering bringing charges against as many as six members of the
Bush Administration for war related crimes including torture. Although Spanish
officials say they are a bit flattered that they modeled their interrogation
techniques on the Inquisition."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
At First....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=86337513317a76801f888022b8495daa
--------------------
"Okay, North Korea, that rocket launch is going on your permanent record!"
- U.N.
--------------------
Um, Not Quite....
http://cagle.com/working/090405/granlund.jpg
--------------------
8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program
http://www.alldaycoffee.net/story.php/209
1. Seventy-two hour Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon not an accurate
method for pre-launch planning.
2. Divert some technology knowhow currently used to keep Supreme Leader Alive.
3. Memorize the sequence: Only Stage One of rocket is to fall into the ocean.
4. Threaten US with nuclear program, then ask for food. Use food aid to power
rocket with one enormous rice cooker.
5. Purchase actual Radio Shack guaranteed rocket launcher.
6. Rename Taepodong-2 to
Taepodong-Extra-Awesome-Successful-Conquerer-Can't-Touch-This.
7. Make sure Russian envoys who sell missile tech aren't laughing out loud as
they run away with briefcases full of money.
8. Pomade from Supreme Leader's magical hair might be a better source of rocket
fuel: plentiful, greasy and seemingly endless.
--------------------
That's No Surprise....
http://cagle.com/working/090403/englehart.jpg
--------------------
"The CIA is planning to advertise for spies on the Internet and TV.
Unfortunately, these days the intelligence community considers 'Get Smart'
reality programming."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"London hosted a Group of Twenty meeting Wednesday amid chaos. Chinese
communists are now the capitalists, France's president is Hungarian, the
Anglo-Saxons are being led by a socialist and a Kenyan, and Germany is refusing
to send troops into other countries. Astronauts aboard the Space Station report
the Earth is spinning backwards."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
A New World Order
http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/cartoon/2009/apr/03/steve-bell-g20-gordon-brown-cartoon
--------------------
"President Obama's press people accidentally posted the number of a phone-sex
line on a release meant to direct reporters to a conference call about the G20
summit. They apologized later and said that actually, that was the number for
the conference call about the stimulus package."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
She Touched Me!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=b1dbe6af21a6258f0cefccdf16d2633c
--------------------
"Russia is backing a return of the world economy to the gold standard.
Apparently they think it would be much safer than following the U.S. lead of
basing the economy on derivatives and Ponzi schemes."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
It's A Deal!!!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=aa42e0bbb259b510d6c9e948c7bd13cf
--------------------
JIM CRAMER DECLARES DEPRESSION OVER; MILLIONS PANIC
'Run for Your Lives,' Heard on Wall Street
CNBC financial pundit Jim Cramer declared the global depression "over" on his
"Mad Money" program on Thursday, causing widespread panic around the world and
sparking the largest stock sell-off in history.
Just moments after Mr. Cramer delivered his upbeat prediction, stock prices
went into an epic free-fall unprecedented in the annals of modern trading as
millions of investors rushed for the exits.
"Cramer says the depression is over!" one Wall Street trader was heard shouting
on the NYSE floor. "Run for your lives!"
Carol Foyler, an equities analyst for Morgan Stanley, said that Mr. Cramer's
optimistic prediction "confirmed all of our darkest fears."
"These are very scary times on Wall Street," Ms. Foyler said. "This news from
Jim Cramer may have been the last nail in the coffin."
Seemingly oblivious to the panic he had caused, Mr. Cramer appeared on his
program again on Friday and predicted that North Korea would never launch a
long-range missile.
"Folks, I'm telling you, there's no way that missile will be launched," he
said. "You heard it here first!"
© Andy Borowitz
borowitzreport.com
--------------------
Incomprehensible!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=a16712e3012d38e2f44aadfa096bf365
--------------------
"Wal-Mart made charitable donations of $423 Million last year. Mostly to
charities that pay for food, clothing, shelter and medical care for Wal-Mart
employees."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
The Scarecrow
http://cagle.com/working/090403/grondahl.jpg
--------------------
AIG plans to change its name....
We would suggest PIG: cheaper sign change, and much more honest.
--------------------
The Mortgage Crisis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBETqjlDMNc
--------------------
"I don't want to say the economic picture looks bleak, but people are already
beginning to talk about the Greater Depression."
- Tulla Brendingulo
--------------------
"Home prices in twenty cities dropped a record 19% in January. Unfortunately,
when people signed up for all those adjustable rate mortgages, they didn't
realize the most adjustable rate would be on their equity."
- Jim Barach
***************
Cherry Blossoms
http://thehill.com/images/stories/weyants/2009/April/cartoon040309.jpg
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