http://tinyurl.com/7njwc
Click "Watch Movie" and turn the subtitles on. I must warn you, though, this song will get stuck in your head, terminally.
Also, hospitals suck. No, I mean it--they really, really suck. It seems almost barbaric as the loved one of a seriously ill person to sit endlessly and uselessly as people who could help muddle their way through what is to them just another day at a job they're tired of. It's a ruthless alternative universe that seems both completely shocking and infinite, like you've been doing this and will keep doing this all your life. Yet you know intellectually that it's inevitably going to stop, and then quite abruptly. There's no insulation, and there's no time to process what's happening. You're just thrust into a new monotonous routine, surrounded by pain, sickness, and death. You can't give your good health to someone else, and your friends can't give their good spirits to you. And it's especially perverse that the world keeps spinning anyway. Worst, you know it has to be this way, and you want so much to get back into orbit, but it's not that simple. It feels like a part of your soul is always going to be anchored in this moment, and hereafter you're always going to be a little less free, a little more tethered down. You can't let it go, but you want to, but you feel like you shouldn't. I mean, where does the horror go? The pain and grief are so tangible they can't just evaporate, right? People memorialize death, but they don't memorialize dying. You'll go stark raving mad if it doesn't stop, but you'll be completely lost when it does. You feel everything and nothing. You're bouncing from reassuring optimist to steeled pragmatist every thirty seconds. You love dearly and hate dearly everyone around you. It's rather like being a teenager again. Also, hospital soap really smells. It's truly nauseous stuff.
Okay, so that's like, a fair (and rambling) approximation of about a tenth of what you're feeling now, right? And you kind of want me to piss off (because I don't really understand) but you want to appreciate that I've tried? Kinda sorta? Fair enough. Wish I could say something wonderful, but I can't. I'm really, truly sorry. You do know how lucky your family is to have you, I hope. It will end, and it will get better, and you will be different afterward. Life sucks, but at least James will always be here with a well-placed snarky comment, so there is that.
Also, popsicles help.
hermespal <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Look, I know it's the weekend and most of you actually have lives,
but you're really letting me down fellow weingarten chatters. Where
is the humor? The interesting links to something bizarre or laugh-
worthy? (okay, the cow stuff was great, but it was yesterday!)
Okay, I hereby withdraw the guilt trip. Sort of. I mean, if I was
REALLY going to withdraw it I wouldn't post this, would I?
One of your bretheren, or is it sisteren? is going stir crazy in a
small town tonight. Missing a HUGE birthday bash for a dear friend
aka SO's business partner back home (my home, anyway). Feeling a bit
blue. If I'd thought of it, I would have sent (er, I mean asked very
kindly if he would consent) Areo in my stead (which would have been
truly interesting vis a vis the SO, but what is life without a little
mystery?).
Allrighty then. I feel better just spilling that out. Sorry to
impose, but thanks for reading. Hope you had a great weekend!
(moving away from the computer now) mumble, mumble, grumble, sniff...
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