Currently, there is no SO, but my relationship status doesn't seem to alter the question.
It's really my lifestyle choice that they don't understand. All of my cousins are stay-at-home moms. One of my sisters and I are the only girls in my family to have graduated from college, and are the only people in my family with post-grad degrees. We made different choices, mostly because my parents are very progressive and taught us we could be anything we want to be. We took that seriously and ran with it. Good thing for me, one of my other sisters is a wanderlusting hippie that hasn't been stateside for more than 2 months since she graduated from high school six years ago. My grandparents are completely baffled by her and think she must be "smoking the pot," as my granfather phrased it. --- In [email protected], "Ellen" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Had to reply, if only to change the topic from Gallaudet since we > have strayed far from talking about a college for deaf people. My > grandparents all managed to die before they could witness my lack of > husband at age 39. I think it is called projecting or something-- my > parents can't imagine themselves unmarried at 39, so they can't > imagine anyone else being in that situation either. Literally can't > relate. Having to do all the housework, pay all the bills, run all > the errands, not always having someone to go to things with, etc. In > Gene's chat someone wrote that a friend asked her what she does about > meals when she travels on business alone--does she get room service > or what. She said she eats in restaurants. The friend > replied, "alone? I can't imagine eating alone!" If I didn't eat in > restaurants alone I would never be able to travel or anything. I > just assume most people eating alone are on business or are on their > way to something and didn't have time to go home or whatever. Who > cares if you eat alone. So you didn't feel like cooking dinner and > eating at home! Good for you. When you grandparents ask when there > is a wedding, does that mean there is already a significant other, or > do you need that first and they don't even bother to ask about that > step? > > --- In [email protected], "dvm8375" > <muellerdana@> wrote: > > > > I used to use that one, but then my whole family started thinking I > > was a lesbian. > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "Ellen" > > <ellengoodman6@> wrote: > > > > > > Sorry, it's been taken--Brad and Angelina have already claimed > > it. > > > Don't want to infringe on their territory. You know how touchy > > those > > > celebrities can be. > > > > > > --- In [email protected], Julie <parkcitycondo@> > > > wrote: > > > > > > > > My response to that question usually* is something along the > > lines > > > of "At > > > > least that's one mistake I haven't made yet!" Quite > > surprisingly, > > > many > > > > people, particularly married ones, tend to nod their heads in > > > > understanding. > > > > > > > > *An ex-boyfriend and I both used to respond to the question by > > > saying that > > > > we wouldn't get married until gay people also were free to > > marry. > > > Ellen -- > > > > maybe you should try that one on your mom! > > > > > > > > > > > > On 10/26/06, Ellen <ellengoodman6@> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > "why aren't you married (yet)" has got to be THE WORST > > question > > > you > > > > > can possibly ask someone. I can only think of 2 possible > > answers > > > to > > > > > that question--either you don't want to get married or you > > haven't > > > > > found the right person. Even if you're in a serious > > relationship > > > > > more than 6 months people still ask the same damn question. > > What > > > > > business is it of theirs? Maybe I was busy doing other > > things, or > > > > > didn't live in the same city for more than 2 years, or was > > trying > > > to > > > > > earn money, who knows and who cares! Sorry, my mom was > > married 17 > > > > > years by the time she was my age--she can't relate because she > > > > > doesn't understand the concept of a woman being 39 and never > > > married-- > > > > > it's not in her frame of reference. (a man either for that > > matter > > > but > > > > > to a lesser extent). No matter how good I feel about myself > > and my > > > > > self-sufficiency, etc., it's not OK with her that I'm 39 and > > never > > > > > married. How could it possibly not bother me very much, > since > > it > > > > > obviously bothers her a great deal? It's almost like she's > > > ashamed > > > > > to talk about me with her friends and relatives. "So how's > > > > > Ellen"? "Well she lives by herself in Boston. Never got > > married, > > > > > you know? We don't really have much to talk about these > > days." > > > It's > > > > > like if she can't sing the praises of her grandchildren, > > > successful > > > > > son in law, and daughter's big house, whatever else I'm > > > accomplishing > > > > > is irrelevant. The fact that she never had to fend for > > herself > > > means > > > > > she can't relate to what it's like. Sorry, just had to get > > that > > > off > > > > > my chest. Back to funny, as they say. > > > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "Ray Bradley" > > > > > <clavenia@> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, Eleanor, it makes perfect sense - your view and > > lifestyle > > > > > > aren't wrong, they're simply different from most of > society. > > Of > > > > > > course you're going to notice obvious differences. > > > > > > > > > > > > Part of human nature and the basis of survival in the wild > > is to > > > > > > notice the differences from ordinary patterns - changes in > > > climate, > > > > > > available food and water sources, shelters, predators, > > > unfriendly > > > > > > tribes, etc... . Anything different from the norm was cause > > for > > > > > > concern. > > > > > > > > > > > > It's like travel - you notice how Texas highway > interchanges > > are > > > > > done > > > > > > differently than Pennsylvanias, or how Florida's traffic > > lights > > > are > > > > > > entirely different than Iowa's. You notice how some grocery > > > store > > > > > > chains dominate some regions, but not in your home area > > > > > (personally, > > > > > > I'd love a Piggly-Wiggly near here just for the funny name > > on > > > the > > > > > > bags...). Some chains are in the south, others the > > > midwest...it's > > > > > > what makes us different. > > > > > > > > > > > > The majority of us are straight. The majority of us in > > America > > > are > > > > > > white. There are more women in the world than men...though > > > China's > > > > > > working on that. Of course we don't notice typical behavior > > and > > > > > > social mores - they're just that - typical behavior! > > > > > > > > > > > > Cue the soundbyte from the next-door-neighbor of a serial > > > killer - > > > > > > "he was a quiet guy, kept to himself." If the dude was > > doing > > > naked > > > > > > Kabuki dances in the street, somebody would have probably > > > said "You > > > > > > know, that dude might not be right in the head" and called > > the > > > > > cops. > > > > > > > > > > > > Same thing with any minority in any society. Amputees > notice > > how > > > > > hard > > > > > > daily commuting can be. The blind find out how hard it is > to > > > watch > > > > > > TV. Hispanics find out how dauting the English language can > > be. > > > > > > Austistic folks struggle with some basic tasks and shine > > > > > brilliantly > > > > > > at others that most people take for granted. Little kids > > can't > > > > > reach > > > > > > the top shelf where Mom keeps the cookies and older Elderly > > > folks > > > > > > outside of Florida complain about the dearth of dining > > options > > > at > > > > > > 4pm. Hipsters stuck in Nebraska complain about the lack of > > good > > > > > > coffee shops, farmers in New York complain about the lack of > > > > > quality > > > > > > farm land, yet New York's hipsters have too many coffee > > shops to > > > > > > choose from, and Nebraska farms are so fertile that some > are > > > paid > > > > > NOT > > > > > > to farm at all. We notice these differences. > > > > > > > > > > > > So, I can't see getting upset about an innocent comment > > about a > > > 4 > > > > > > year-old little girl, who statistically speaking will > > probably > > > get > > > > > > married one day...and chances are good that it might even > be > > > more > > > > > > than once. Heck, when I was 4, everybody figured I'd be a > > doctor > > > > > and > > > > > > married by now. When I was 17, everybody figured I'd be a > pro > > > > > cyclist > > > > > > in Europe and married by now. When I was 22, everybody > > figured > > > I'd > > > > > be > > > > > > a big-market morning show disc jockey and divorced by now. > > I'm > > > 33, > > > > > a > > > > > > telecom contractor and not married. > > > > > > > > > > > > Why? > > > > > > > > > > > > All the good girls are gay or taken. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > - Ray > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], Eleanor Keyser > > > > > > <eleanorkeyser@> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm going to second this comment--I almost made a similar > > > point. > > > > > > As a gay woman I do feel I notice and understand things > > > differently > > > > > > than a straight person. It always stuns me how little most > > > > > straight > > > > > > people notice the overwhelming influence of sex, sexuality, > > and > > > > > > gender roles in our society. When you don't fit in these > > > > > categories > > > > > > you not only notice them everywhere, you make fewer > > assumptions > > > > > about > > > > > > other people (in general). Collectively, these assumptions > > and > > > > > > influences form a hetero-normative bias that is deeply felt > > by > > > > > those > > > > > > who don't fit the mold. I'm including not just gays and > > > lesbians, > > > > > > but bisexuals, transgender people, gender queer people, > > > asexuals, > > > > > and > > > > > > even people whose sexual lifestyle is considered > > really "kinky," > > > > > like > > > > > > BDSMers and polyamorous people in this group. Some of > these > > > people > > > > > > never identify as queer, though I suspect most of them feel > > > > > somewhat > > > > > > isolated in the same way those who do identify as queer feel > > > > > > isolated. And yes, even though I live in a > > > > > > > generally tolerant area and have tons of straight > > friends, I > > > do > > > > > > feel safer and more comfortable in a queer space. Queer > > people > > > > > have > > > > > > their own spaces not just to meet lovers, but to feel at > > home. > > > > > There > > > > > > is also a whole queer culture with its own politics, > decorum, > > > > > slang, > > > > > > art, and history that I think is far more extensive than > > > straight > > > > > > people realize. Not to say that straight people can never > > > > > understand > > > > > > these things, but queer people understand them inherently. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > denisesudell <dsudell7781@> wrote: --- In > > > > > > [email protected], "Ellen" > > > > > > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > gay vs. deaf is apples and oranges--I'm not talking > about > > > > > > acceptance > > > > > > > > vs. discrimination like is the issue with the gay > > > community, I'm > > > > > > > > talking about being able to to fully participate in > > society. > > > > > Gay > > > > > > > > people can fully participate in society, except for > > getting > > > > > > married. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Uh . . . no, we can't. Or at least I can't. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Being gay gives me an entirely different perspective on > > > society. > > > > > > > Events or activities that straight non-thinking people > can > > > fully > > > > > > enjoy > > > > > > > have been known to make me ill. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Take a stray comment somebody may make about a four- year- > > old > > > > > girl, > > > > > > > implying that she'll have a wedding someday. I > frequently > > get > > > > > > pissed > > > > > > > off when I hear comments like that. Who's to say that > the > > > girl > > > > > is > > > > > > > straight? Or that even if she is, she'll definitely get > > > > > married? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Just one very small example -- my overall point being, > > don't > > > make > > > > > > > statements about subjects you know nothing about. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Yahoo! 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