You might be better served with a .Mac family license, allowing
you and your wife to keep separate Libraries and sync states.

Ah, but the problem (for us) with that is that we want to share
calendars & contacts, so separate accounts are no good.

What we do in our house is cross-publish calendars. I tried all sorts of evil tricks to allow my calendars to be multi-writer, and they never worked out.

For contacts, I keep everything in Address Book, and my wife keeps nothing there, so that wasn't a factor.

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