ED, ED>Although I do think that apologizing can be used as upaya (skillful means) for achieving peace when the other >party is fixated on their sense of having been offended, and the situation is going to hell in a hand-basket.
What you say above is definitely skillful means for restoring harmony in our social relationships (Yes, white lies are fine, too), but I don't think it's really upaya in the Buddhist sense of the word (using expedient means to guide a person towards an awakening of the Dharma). Just on a slightly different note, which do you find is the most difficult to do - apologise or forgive? Mike ________________________________ From: ED <[email protected]> To: [email protected] Sent: Fri, 11 March, 2011 0:24:01 Subject: Re: [Zen] For Chris~~Two Potent Quotes --- In [email protected], Maria Lopez <flordeloto@...> wrote: > > ED; > I'd like to clarify with you that I don't experience dislike for your person >in any way. Mayka, I believe you. Which 'I' is it that's speaking, and which 'I' experiences dislike? >But I don't enjoy very much to be offended and you never apologise for it. Did I offend you, or was it that you you felt offended? Which 'I' does not enjoy the feeling of being offended? The Christian-influenced understandings of apologizing tend to be woo-woo. I prefer the Jewish code for apologies: Never apologize unless you feel you have done the person a wrong. Although I do think that apologizing can be used as upaya (skillful means) for achieving peace when the other party is fixated on their sense of having been offended, and the situation is going to hell in a hand-basket. > Though, there wouldn't be talk about zen but just sitting down and sharing > with >the sangha. I'm almost positive that then we both would be get on very well >as >there is a genuine side of you I like it very much. >Mayka I am possibly genuinely addicted to telling the truth as I see it (only when appropriate, I hope), rather than to keeping people dumb and happy by telling them what would make them happy. As you may well imagine, that's not a very smart way of winning friends and influencing people! --ED
